Sam's committed Vipassana log

Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/6/14 12:55 AM
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Sam's committed Vipassana log

Posts: 51 Join Date: 12/15/13 Recent Posts
Prev experience: 2 10 day retreats, one Mahasi one Goenka. About ten years of various mindfulness but inconsistent. Don't know where I am on map. I'm sure I've had a&p but don't get it regularly or look for it. Dark night; isn't this normal life? Anyway sometimes it's tough in practice but I'm finding sitting not too bad recently, and this has become easier. So:

3/7-7/7

Began vipassana noting practice, so far 40 min earyly each morning. I've focused on feeling, hearing and seeing in, mind states, pleasant/unpleasant, and more specifically thing to notice where one finishes and the other begins, which is tricky. When a sensation breaks up I stay with it till it disappears or I forget. I do this first thing and have found the mind is quieter, which means less to focus on(feels like a good time for concentration) but it has been easier to stay on vipassana.

Secondary meditation I've sometimes practices in an undisciplined way, 'feeling rest' or emptiness, good feeling or whatever you want to call it. I start as before but use cues such as feeling space, listening for ships in far away harbours(not mine) and stay with relaxing open feelings that come. I don't know if this is concentration or insight but it provides needed stress release. As mentioned its undisciplined, and I practice between 10 and 30 min formally and this is the we facto way I usually practice during day to day activities like driving when I can. Other stuff like just noticing is done when remembered.

But I know that vipassana as irritating as it can be produces results so I stick with it as a main practice. Generally I feel good, and can feel sensations breaking up into vibrations easily, spreading and changing, though as I said am not so aware of the borders between them. Generally I feel balanced and smooth emotionally. I have had some challenges which have pushed me into a softer approach, for example have a family and am going to med school in September, so I have to take care of my mental well being. As much as I want stream entry I don't understand fully how to get it and am not prepared to destabilise myself too much without certainty. I don't give the three C's perhaps as much as I should, just noticing where the sensations start and stop hopefully covers impermanence. I do a little self enquiry through the day but that's it on the no-self. Maybe need to reread MTCB.

Anyway that's my practice. Hope to update regularly. Thanks for the opportunity
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/7/14 5:01 AM
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RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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6/7 Relaxed meditation: 15 minutes of noting focusing on space. It's late at night so found myself droppng off a couple of times. Interesting was coming too in the middle of some strange dream. I haven't aimed for lucid dreaming while meditating but I wonder if this is a sign concentration or general awareness is expanding. All comfortable, equanimous.
7/7: Insight practice: Early morning 40 minute sit done. Again brain seems sluggish at this time and it takes more effort to note, as though I'm still dragging myself awake. Otherwise posture was good, no pain. Focusing on breath, hearing, posture, thoughts. More able to notice the end of an attentional cycle so note 'gone' for that and carry on. The flickering vibrating doesn't seem to happen as much which I think may be the time of day, or perhaps losing momentum. Next time must try and note every 1-3 seconds, and tonight and tomorrow will play with beginning with a strong intention.
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/7/14 7:31 AM
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RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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After spending some time looking at the Dark Night forum I began worrying that I've been going at this too soft and slow, so just turned in a half hour of fast(ish) noting. I wasn't able to clearly label everything I felt/saw/heard so took to tapping. Again though mainly physical, and I felt the vibrationary bubbling feelings travelling mainly my arms and head, sometimes aware of intruding light and sound from outside, occasionally a thought coming in. I have noticed that when I note slower I'm holding on to the image for longer., whereas I assumed I was waiting for it to disappear on it's own. But anyway, no bad feelings to speak of. The only one is that I feel my attention is chasing around my sensory experience and this creates a jittery caffeinated type of attention jumping from one to the next. So...still no real dark night to speak of though I'm now more or less certain I have crossed A&P a few times over the years. I'll speed up the noting to see what happens but I'm going to keep my 'emptiness' meditation as a mood raiser if nothing else, can't be decent around my family otherwise.
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/8/14 8:08 AM
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RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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8/7: Arise at 6, feed cats and grab the cushion for a 40 minute sit,intending to speed things up in terms of noting. I'm able to settle into the posture quickly and relax and begin noting. Pretty quickly I can speed up, as long as I don't get hung up on getting 'the right note', and I tried a bit the 'dah dah dah' method (if I've got that right). So, again nothing interesting to report. I think my concentration and skill at noting is improving as I'm able to be more consistent(less spacing out during the time), but in terms of the maps I can't feel myself traversing any stages. I feel pretty much equanimous throughout, which is pleasant but not mind blowing. I notice mainly either the general movement of attention and it's contents as either wave like or can sink into that fast machine gun vibrations(which feels more jittery and less pleasant). I can occasionally notice that (for example) an external sound can produce an internal sensation, and that there is a subtle layer of intention which is becoming more apparent, but feel somewhat disappointed not to be traversing the map. Maybe it's time put in(ie. put more time in). Anyway, onwards.
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/10/14 5:43 AM
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Later I met a friend and we walked into a forest and after talking about spirituality and the like we sat down and meditated a short distance apart. We took the Goenka ten day together years ago but have evolved differently, so I'm not sure what he was meditating on(and this is my evening 'no-vipassana chill out session'). I was focusing on the openness in my mind and perception. Things became blissful very quickly, there were few intrusive thoughts, the space around me felt cool and quieting. I was trying to not cling to any one sense and naturally floated between internal quiet, feeling of space around bubbling sensations, punctuated by birdsong and the occasional eye opening to take in the vista around me. Felt very nice and calming.

9/07
Morning sit: working on trying to feel the subtle sense of intention more when I consciously shift attention from either noticing I'm lost in thought, or from sense to sense. I can either feel the sensation as wave like (eg. a few seconds of expansion/contraction) or bear down and feel it as vibratory sensation. Getting better at noting the start and end of a sense but I'm no master. Again I get through the 40 minutes with a feeling of ease.

Evening sit: Just fifteen minutes, mostly the same. Although I like the more blissful style I'm finding vipassana noting more compulsive as I want to see what happens when I don't misss anything out.

10/07
Morning sit: Just half an hour ( more time to be made up later). Today I was scattered. In general waking early has been positive in that my mind is quieter and easy to ride, I woke up late today which is possibly the reason. Despite this I still feel more periods of 'quiet awe' and enjoyment of the wave than previously. Dark night where are you?
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/11/14 5:16 AM
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RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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9/07
 
Spoke too soon perhaps. Sat for half an hour this afternoon trying to focus more on thoughts instead of body. I found i was getting sucked into nightmarish like images, dreams situations, spiders and snakes etc...somewhat better at noting them than before, noticing the tension in my body when they arise(or when I catch them). There was definite anxiety, anger and others but I don't remember what order, must make a note of the maps to see if they conform. I don't know whether I can observe a thought stream without interrupting it, as they usually break down into colours and sounds when I do,so wonder if I've been blocking DN before by doing so. Not sure whether this is important or not. Anyway I'll do this again but for now they previous practice.
 
Another 20 minutes feeling space and silence in the evening. I figure its working a few of my meditation muscles if not rigorously, it feels good anyway and gets me ready for sleep.
 
11/07
 
6am start,40 minutes on the pillow. Harder to get started(this is where persistence counts I tell myself). And it was kind of a weak sit, inconsistent. Same feeling as before, vibrations in hands, heavier gloop in solar plexus, quietish mind which stops on observation. There are a variety of aspects to pay attention to. I'm thinking I'm right to stick with the physical and impermanence as the core practice, play with others after it's established(ie. Concentration of task lasts the duration, I can note arising and passing away consistently).
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/11/14 8:49 AM
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RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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Another 30 minutes later today. It's very similar every time I meditate: I sit down, start the timer and begin noting usually feeling, which immediately now takes the form of vibration, usually in the hands and arms. My eye muscles also twitch rapidly, alongside any other sense perception, and it's difficult to tell whether the timing of the eyes twitching and the other senses is aligned as it's too fast. I generally note every couple of seconds but try and notice each vibration. I can't say the speed(eg.vibrations per second) as it feels too quick.Overlaying are thought patterns which I'm getting better at catching and noticing any secondary effect they're having on my bodies tension.

Nothing feels particularly unpleasant, and it's neither interesting or uninteresting, which is why I think I'm somewhere in EQ, I just don't understand how I seem to skip the DN stages each time, unless perhaps I'm somewhere in jhana. Today I started trying a little self-enquiry-vipassana, is there a doer and where is he? Cheeky visions of my face appear in the mind's eye, and when I catch them they disappear. I usually feel 'self' operating as a sense of tension somewhere behind the lens. Some force seems to be tripping me up and I often forget that I'm looking out for it. But nonetheless, the vibrations keep happening; sight, sound and feeling, and the effect isn't unpleasant. More concentration seems to be occurring both within my sits and daily life. Feels satisfying like I'm making progress at last.

(sorry if I'm taking up too much room by this thread, I'm trying to be consistent in recording my practice.)
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/15/14 4:04 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 7/15/14 4:04 AM

RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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12/07
morning: 45 minute sit. Hard to get going today at 6 but pretty soon I'm settling into the same pattern. It feels as though there are two different cycles, a flickering sense world of external and internal stimuli, and a slower(imagined?) thought cycle playing over the top of it. And me, watching it. I remember thinking I should look into that aspect of it but it's the slipperiest of them, the 'self', to keep hold of. Whereas physical and mental images stream quickly by obviously enough the sense of self is playing hide and seek. I think I want to build up to looking for it consistently but perhaps afterwards.
The pluses so far:
*still enjoying it, finding time to meditate isn't difficult
*feels as though concentration is getting built up
*I'm getting faster at noting 'gone', and it feels as though I can encompass more at once
*it's spreading into daily life more, or at least I'm becoming more motivated to look
The negatives:
*Still can't honestly gauge progress of insight. While it feels like I'm in EQ that's just a guess, and I don't seem to cycle through the different stages in each sit. Nothing feels painful at all. I was thinking about getting in contact with a teacher by skype to see if they could illustrate it for me or provide a teaching
*still distracted by other methods, reading more info etc...
13/07
Day was just too busy to fit any in today. Oh well let's hope this doesn't slow me down.
14/07
Got up later than normal so could only fit in a 15 minute sit, which I decided to focus on stillness and emptiness in the body and senses. My gf's son came down and started playing loudly midway through but didn't cause me any annoyance, which would usually happen. I'm certainly noticing that practicing meditation regularly is making me better able to deal with stress.
15/07
45 min. Sitting for this length has become easy. Although this sit was fairly typical it felt more comfortable and satisfying than others(though the others have felt fine also it was stronger). The question of whether or not I'm creating my experience came up, as I found I pay attention to specific aspects of my thought patterns which in turn exclude the other aspects. Eg. Becoming conscious I've been playing a scene in my mind I go to for example the colour in my minds eye, which remains after the scene has finished. I also noticed I seem unable to have any sense experience without a body sensation 'joining in', not sure if simultaneously or afterwards. Mind body stage? I want to increase the length of time I sit for, just fitting it in is a challenge.
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/21/14 7:10 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 7/21/14 7:10 AM

RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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16/07

45 minutes: I start with the breath, and quickly get taken up with big
tingly and euphoric body awareness, interspersed with thoughts about how
good this feels, and what I'm going to write about it. Concentration
feels good as I note when a sensation starts and ends. Whatever my
attention falls on has an enjoyable satisfying feel to it. Thoughts whip
my attention a little so I try to note 'excited', 'planning',
'telling', etc... It's definitely time to increase the time to see what
happens, I don't think this kind of energy will last indefinitely or is
supposed to.

Later on(post cushion) an event makes me furious
(which I think it would most people). I lose my temper, say things I
regret, then storm off into my room for a quick 15 minute sit on the
bed. The anger remains, but as before almost has a euphoric quality to
it. Strong and hot physical sensation, fast flowing images. I'm able to
maintain a fairly wide focus that encompasses both the feeling and the
thought stream which the event starts in me. I feel calmer afterwards
but not ready to talk about the event with my girlfriend.


17/07-21/07

Still going, up to 50 minutes in the last couple of sits. It's going fine but there is nothing new to report. The feeling I get from DhO is that(not intended to be a criticism of here or anyone) is that if you're not making tangible progress every time then you're doing something wrong. Instead I feel as though I'm slowly sharpening the tools and generally feeling better, which I don't see a problem with, but I don't feel any thing has changed particularly. I intend to start adding a metta practice for later in the day, mainly as I think it's good therapy, but I think it may help with the concentration further.
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/24/14 1:26 AM
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RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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Last 3 days to catch up with. Day 1 I only managed 30 minutes, day 2 15 minutes of shamatha followed by 40 minutes of bare noting, plus some practice of metta later (as per Ajahn Sujato's instructions), day 3 same.

Beginning to notice how embedded I am in the thought/emotion structures, and how that I may not have been correct that noting was bringing me out. Some can stay really strong, repeating throughout the sit(usually planning for the day or some email I want to send etc). This is happening simultaneously with the field of buzzing body sensations. I've been maintaining fair diligence in noting but have stopped trying to force myself to note a connection between the thoughts and the sensations, I want it to come naturally. I have also slowed down the noting and relaxed my grip on the object as it were, probably as a result of the metta work, as brief as it's been. I don't know if this is a mistake, and I guess this isn't a 'hardcore' practice any more (if it ever was). When I read of other peoples accounts I'm hearing what appears to me hyperspeed perception, which I can't come close to.

So far after these few weeks I feel I've become more reflective and calmer, but can't say I've progressed or if I'm on the map. Perhaps hovering somewhere beneath the A&P, perhaps in some kind of shamatha-vipassana jhana, I can't say. I have not experienced the dark night in my practice or at least nothing which seemed traumatic. That is all for now.
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Noting Monkey, modified 8 Years ago at 7/24/14 11:44 AM
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RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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Sam s:


17/07-21/07

Still going, up to 50 minutes in the last couple of sits. It's going fine but there is nothing new to report. The feeling I get from DhO is that(not intended to be a criticism of here or anyone) is that if you're not making tangible progress every time then you're doing something wrong. Instead I feel as though I'm slowly sharpening the tools and generally feeling better, which I don't see a problem with, but I don't feel any thing has changed particularly. I intend to start adding a metta practice for later in the day, mainly as I think it's good therapy, but I think it may help with the concentration further.


Hi Sam,
 
I've just felt I should react to this as I tried to gave some advise before.
Progress is not so easy to tell by others.
Reading other people post and experiences can be good but the same time can cause so much worry and frustration because you maybe want to get something similar. 

Reading your log I have the feeling that you pushing to hard sometimes and expect something more to happen what you have. 
Work with the sensations you have in the present it is enough you don't need to look for more.

Don't look for more suffering what you have or deeper DN. If you feel calm and peaceful also good. There is no need to make difference between experiences.
Noting them and see the change in them is fine. Be open for whatever arise don't try to controll them.    
You wrote:
'I don't know if this is a mistake, and I guess this isn't a 'hardcore' practice any more...'
When doubt like this come to you note 'doubt'. Try not to lost in the content. Doubt is just a condition also impermanent etc.

'I feel I've become more reflective and calmer, but can't say I've progressed or if I'm on the map..'
Don't worry about the map or if you do then note 'worry' and move away from it, don't stay with it. 
(Not feeling progress is also typical in Re-Observation and normal condition of the progress)

In your log can be seen that you are progressing well and have many different conditions to face. You are doing fine.
Keep going noting whatever comes (including 'worry', 'doubt', 'expectation'!)

NM
 
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/25/14 10:48 PM
Created 8 Years ago at 7/25/14 10:48 PM

RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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Noting Monkey:
Sam s:


17/07-21/07

Still going, up to 50 minutes in the last couple of sits. It's going fine but there is nothing new to report. The feeling I get from DhO is that(not intended to be a criticism of here or anyone) is that if you're not making tangible progress every time then you're doing something wrong. Instead I feel as though I'm slowly sharpening the tools and generally feeling better, which I don't see a problem with, but I don't feel any thing has changed particularly. I intend to start adding a metta practice for later in the day, mainly as I think it's good therapy, but I think it may help with the concentration further.


Hi Sam,
 
I've just felt I should react to this as I tried to gave some advise before.
Progress is not so easy to tell by others.
Reading other people post and experiences can be good but the same time can cause so much worry and frustration because you maybe want to get something similar. 

Reading your log I have the feeling that you pushing to hard sometimes and expect something more to happen what you have. 
Work with the sensations you have in the present it is enough you don't need to look for more.

Don't look for more suffering what you have or deeper DN. If you feel calm and peaceful also good. There is no need to make difference between experiences.
Noting them and see the change in them is fine. Be open for whatever arise don't try to controll them.    
You wrote:
'I don't know if this is a mistake, and I guess this isn't a 'hardcore' practice any more...'
When doubt like this come to you note 'doubt'. Try not to lost in the content. Doubt is just a condition also impermanent etc.

'I feel I've become more reflective and calmer, but can't say I've progressed or if I'm on the map..'
Don't worry about the map or if you do then note 'worry' and move away from it, don't stay with it. 
(Not feeling progress is also typical in Re-Observation and normal condition of the progress)

In your log can be seen that you are progressing well and have many different conditions to face. You are doing fine.
Keep going noting whatever comes (including 'worry', 'doubt', 'expectation'!)

NM
 
Hey NM,

Nice to see you here. I agree I need to step away from the maps, use my own experience instead. I guess it's human nature to compare but not helpful here. I do believe I have been trying to force my own experience to match instead of letting it be what it is. I will try and take your advice to work with my own sensations. Thanks for your other tips and encouragement.

Going slightly into the other thread you commented on I have been using the breath as the object. I've been reading the Mahasi Sayadaw link and following these instructions,rather than doing my own thing which tended to be a mixture of many of the other instructions. So I'm trying to stay with rising and falling. It feels as though I range from being 95% present to 60%, and feeling like I'm losing the object I may then focus on whatever distraction is arising. Noting it for some time then gradually folding it into the breath and letting go back to rising and falling and sitting. This makes sense or does it sound as though it's off track again?when I meditate in the morning the mind is fairly quiet and I'm able to do this without too much interruption. The thoughts, sensations and stories hang in the background to a degree, eg. I can access the sense of my ears on my head but they remain invisible unless I a)choose to bring them to the forefront or b) they bring themselves their eg.by becoming itchy. Out of meditation I tend to investigate more.

Not sure if you're still with me NM, if you think this sounds OK I guess I'll keep going, and although I would appreciate any other guidance you may have minutes want to take up too much of your time, so OK if not.

So yesterday I sat for 50 minutes again, felt quite easy to extend my sitting time again. What I notice with this practice is I can feel the level of which I get embedded in other sensations, and what works best seems to be maintaining a soft continuous focus of the breath. So far I haven't had a problem with maintaining this for the duration, nothing bizarre to report as yet.

Metta practice is going well, though again trying to feel a sense of metta for myself(at this stage) and maintaining a soft gaze on the feeling. I get a sense this is very immediately therapeutic for me so I intend to keep going, though will keep the two practices separate.
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Noting Monkey, modified 8 Years ago at 7/26/14 8:56 PM
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Hey NM,

 I would appreciate any other guidance you may have minutes want to take up too much of your time, so OK if not.


So if you want to stick for the Mahasi method then you can try to keep going like this.
Warning! Use at your own risk! 

 'I've been reading the Mahasi Sayadaw link and following these instructions,rather than doing my own thing..'
’So I'm trying to stay with rising and falling.’
Sounds good. Things getting more ’hardcore’ here emoticon
 
’…I haven't had a problem with maintaining this for the duration…’
Then you can also give ’sitting’. After you note ’rising-falling’ move your awarenes softly to your sitting posture then come back again to ’rising-falling’. So keep going like this ’rising-falling-sitting’
 
’It feels as though I range from being 95% present to 60%, and feeling like I'm losing the object’
No problem. You can see that mindfulnes-concentration are also impermanent. Sometime the object is more clear sometimes less. If you aware you worry about not finding it or wanting it to be more clear then note ’worry,worry,worry’ or ’wanting, wanting, wanting’ then come back to ’rising-falling-sitting’.
 
I may then focus on whatever distraction is arising.
Good. Whatever brings your attention away from the ’rising-falling-sitting’ you should note it 3x. Like ’hearing, hearing, hearing’;’thinking, thinking, thinking’; etc. then come back to ’rising-falling-sitting’.
 
Noting it for some time then gradually folding it into the breath and letting go back to rising and falling and sitting.This makes sense or does it sound as though it's off track again?
Thats it. Make sure first you use mental noting/labeling it helps a lot.
If you find yourself thinking ’Oh, am I on the right track? What else should I do? Is this ok? Does it lead to somewhere?’ then note ’doubt,doubt,doubt’ or ’confusion,confusion,confusion’ and ’come back to rising-falling-sitting’.

 
When I meditate in the morning the mind is fairly quiet and I'm able to do this without too much interruption.
Keep going and see what happen.
 
The thoughts, sensations and stories hang in the background to a degree, eg. I can access the sense of my ears on my head but they remain invisible unless I a)choose to bring them to the forefront or b) they bring themselves their eg.by becoming itchy.
Let things happen naturaly. If they stay in the backround ignore them and follow ’rising-falling-sitting’. If they change let them change. So you can see the 3C in personal experience without forcing it -> They are changing without your control (anicca-anata). Insight will arise.
 
Out of meditation I tend to investigate more.
Thats fine. More you bring the technique into your daily life better the formal practice will be (back and forth).
 
So far ,,,,,, nothing bizarre to report as yet.
Don’t look for anything. If you find yourself waiting for some exciting experience or wanting to have new experience then note ’waiting, waiting, waiting’ or ’expecting, expecting, expecting’  (because this is your actual experience) and come back to ’rising-falling-sitting’.
 
What I notice with this practice is I can feel the level of which I get embedded in other sensations, and what works best seems to be maintaining a soft continuous focus of the breath.
Yesss. Keep going without putting to much effort(!).
 
  • Try to practice like this for 21 days without any expectation.
  • After sitting may you reflect on it shortly but don’t analyze to much (take only very short notes for yourself if you like). Whatever happened is already past. Just move to daily life and try to be in present as much as you can.
  • Also better not to write in the blog to often. Wait until you have at least 10 hours of sitting time. For this time avoid reading about other people experiences. May you listen dharma to talks.
  • Metta is also beneficial
 
Take it easy don’t get crazy emoticon
hope it helps
NM
Sam s, modified 8 Years ago at 7/27/14 5:45 AM
Created 8 Years ago at 7/27/14 5:45 AM

RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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Thanks NM,
21 days it is. Thanks for your advice. I appreciate the 'simplicity' of Mahasi's teaching though today at least found them very difficult to follow.
Day one:
Not enough sleep. I remind myself on retreat this is normal. But I find it particularly hard. Mindfulness and concentration are mostly passing away today. I set timer for 50 minutes; rising, falling sitting. I'm afraid for most of the sit I make it through only a few seconds before imagination takes over or I start falling asleep and wake up nodding forwards. I note 'forgetting', 'setting my posture' and start again. I guess I'm building resolve if nothing else. At the end of the sit I feel cleaned out somehow, still very tired though. Hope tomorrow is better.
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Noting Monkey, modified 8 Years ago at 7/27/14 10:27 AM
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I appreciate the 'simplicity' of Mahasi's teaching though today at least found them very difficult to follow.
is good to see the difficulties. they are always welcome in vipassana practice.
rising, falling sitting. I'm afraid for most of the sit I make it through only a few seconds before imagination takes over 
it is also fine. we have to accept whatever arise. If imaginations or pictures arise then note 'seeing, seeing,seeing' and try not to follow the pictures, stories come back to 'rising-falling-sitting'. If you succeed it for 2 sec then more then 0. Maybe new imaginations arise and they don't let you in peace. Maybe you lost in them? No problem, but when you aware of it keep going noting and try to come back. Sometimes the whole sit is like that. Normal condition of the practice.

I start falling asleep and wake up nodding forwards.
Sloth-torpor is also good condition to face as can arise all the time. Better to learn how to handle it. Here is same as always try not to give up the sit. Note all the other sensations may arise like 'boredom', 'anger', 'hopelessness', 'resistance' or 'heaviness'. Falling a sleep? no problem, when you awake with the nodding try to come back again.
I found it very beneficial to sit down if I feel extrem tired...   
I note 'forgetting', 'setting my posture' and start again
good, as long as you note and give effort to start again you are on the track. but be compassionate to yourself if you fail!!! we have lifetime to practice and everybody fall sometimes.  

I guess I'm building resolve if nothing else...
Every time you give effort to keep going you are making your perfections (paramis) stronger eg. Effort, Determination, Patience. Many things happen in the background even if you consciously not avare of it. Mindfulnes developes, more and more insight arise. 

At the end of the sit I feel cleaned out somehow
remember on this when you next time have to face similar difficulties... 

Keep going
NM

Sam s, modified 7 Years ago at 9/5/14 1:49 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/5/14 1:49 AM

RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

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Hey NM,

sorry for the late reply. I see you took your time and gave very thorough feedback to my practice so big appreciation your way in return.I have been away on holiday and just started medical school which is making it very difficult to follow through on this, plus balancing family life. I took a break and am just starting again, waking up early, starting with 30 min and expanding it gently.

So I'm sorry to say but I tried the traditional approach (breath as object) but found it difficult to go back. Having carved a niche doing choiceless awareness it is easier right now, and I guess my priorities can't all be on meditation right now. I thank you though and appreciate the approach you're trying to teach me, can see the benefits of this disciplaine but unfortunately don't have enough willpower to put it into practice just yet. Hopefully I'm not far off track with what I am doing. It's not a great challenge to do but I feel the benefits every day. So thanks again, your advice is not disregarded in anyway.

Will keep going and step back into this thread again in a few days.
Sam
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Noting Monkey, modified 7 Years ago at 9/8/14 12:22 AM
Created 7 Years ago at 9/8/14 12:22 AM

RE: Sam's committed Vipassana log

Posts: 48 Join Date: 7/24/11 Recent Posts
Hi Sam,
don't worry about anything. As long as you feel the benefits just keep going with the practice you are doing.
Do it gently there is no need to force anything.
See you later
NM 

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