... Continued - I don't know 'where' I am.

Heather bird McElroy, modified 6 Years ago.

... Continued - I don't know 'where' I am.

Posts: 17 Join Date: 9/25/14 Recent Posts
Okay - the interface of this website on moble is going to make me cry ( Hahahahaaa - not very enlightened?)

anyway... Stuff happened. Here is where I am now, or at least what I can 'see' ... And not unsee

please respond if you get any of this! I'm terrified-excited! 

- how all of reality is vibrations, but of what I don't know. Substance is not really a word worth using here. 

- able to feel it as such and notice it as only such, but also something else... But not even a something...

- an insight that all things microcosmic to macro cosmic have awareness, and 'desire' and 'aversion' as the result of a sort of ... Preference isn't the right word - it is aware and flowing, but not because of physics - it causes physics - this insight is new and hard to express, but it resolves the 'well this is all nothing and empty in a bad meaningless way' idea. It's really really really fucking cool - to put it mildly. Very big understatement. No words - not real solid understanding of this. It's new. It really knocked me out. ('Funny' story - I pulled my car over when this happened, watched a person leave his car, two gunshots, then he followed me onto the highway - hello real world and not dying being worth it and important again!)

- being able to feel all phenomena as vibration in a complete way, but able to ease back into normal things and have fun, be neurotic still, have laundry, chop wood, carry water and 'be' who I 'was'

- the very profound notion : how the hell did I not notice reality is an illusion before? I'm a somehow patterned grouping of vibrations that are constantly not me/part of everything/everything/ every ONE ... The everyone things seems more accurate. I had love and compassion and excitement for all of the atoms in my dashboard/air/some tree/ all of the universe... 

- everything is bigger and fuller and depper then not only humans can think - but once you notice it, numbers and size are pretty much a moot and outdated concept - by a lot

theres more, but my thumbs are tired ;)

welp - take your best shot. Please don't post any negitive feedback. Um - not sure why anyone would if they can see this stuff. Oh! I hope someone gets this who I can just chat with. I haven't really told anyone in non 'oh gee this must be a mental illness fluke' kind of facade. People are way more comfortable with it - like getting drunk is an acceptable time to hug people, but if I just wanted to hug everyone I see (and I do! And hug all the gluons! They're giving it away, cheeky things ;) ... Well, that would get looks... Maybe cops. :p