Hi it's James. I feel like I'm in a place where I can say this now. As of late, the past year I've been increasingly come close to the still point at the center of my being, I want to say sorry for all the trolling I have incessantly caused and perpetrated in the past few years. I have caused needless amounts of doubt and pain to new and old members by my words and evil intentions alone.

I was very immature while I was writing those things, but feel that I have grown in the past few years despite my behavior year. I'm really not all that bad, especially in real life. I do highly respect and appreciate every one of you. Perhaps I'm not ready to join this community fully, maybe not even in this lifetime! I've become very jaded and defensive over the years of being banned here.

 But I wanted to let you know that I'm actually ok, and not like, a super weird person. I'm actually perfectly normal, both offline and online. Although online I tend to be a lot more fake and not the "real me" because I view the Internet as cruel and hateful, or whatever. Anyways whatever.

As of late the practice has been good, actually I don't practice anymore because the inward journey has ended for me, what I mean is: I don't seek anymore. The inward movement can't go any deeper.

I've been reading a lot of Bernadette Roberts so I go by her unitive state definitions. I've come to fully psychological maturity, but not necessarily full spiritual maturity.

Another thing I wanted to clear up is that I'm not really a Buddhist, religious or a dogmatist at all. I only engaged in human transformation because it seemed imperative at the time.

Anyways sorry to have bothered you all, 

James

love