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Dealing with the Dark Night

Dark Night -- Thinking of Going to Panditarama Lumbini

I remember having a kundalini explosion while running in September 2013, my freshman year of college. The year to follow was extremely miserable and I decided to drop out of school for a year. I attended my first 10 day meditation retreat in November 2014 after six months of sporadic meditation. This retreat was super hard but I wanted more, so I attended a second retreat in January 2015, where I likely derepressed traumatic material and came out very disoriented (the Assistant Teachers moved me to the kitchen on day 8).  Right now I'm just at home chilling out. I'm basically dysfunctional. I started going to trauma therapy with a Somatic Experiencing, EDMR therapist. I'm relatively stable now three months off retreat, though I get fatigued a lot, feel anxiety being around people, lack of motivation, etc. I watched Dan Ingram's talks on the dark night on the Cheetah House site and a lot of stuff clicked -- yeah I've definitely passed the A&P, in Dark Night territory, etc. I have the next 4 months free -- I'm thinking of going on retreat. I can sit through anything and everything, and I would really like to get to stream entry and get this dark period in my life over with. I can stay with the sensations and I don't wallow in the emotional content and I won't screw up my life by leaving it all behind for 4 months. I have no financial or personal obligations and I can afford the flight to Asia. Thoughts, ideas? I would like to go to Panditarama Lumbini, which I've read is fine after the earthquake, though getting there with the road conditions may be more difficult. 

RE: Dark Night -- Thinking of Going to Panditarama Lumbini
5/4/15 6:06 PM as a reply to Nicholas Alexander Barbier.
Hello Nicholas,

It sounds like you have a basic understanding of the retreat structure.  I'm wondering if it would be possible to you to do a self retreat at home, where you are now, for the next three months. Is your home conducive to retreat practice, if you were to structure your time as a meditation retreat?



RE: Dark Night -- Thinking of Going to Panditarama Lumbini
5/4/15 6:44 PM as a reply to Drew Miller.
It is somewhat conducive. There will be noise and people talking but I have space for myself and could have meals made and living requirements provided.