re: baddul (5/5/15 7:43 PM)
"Can you actually feel their unconditional love towards you? And if so, what does that feel like?"
…
" I wonder, therefore, what happens if someone practices metta for so long that one's entire demeanor/body language changes due to increased concentration power and positive mental states. Any thoughts?"
"Unconditional love" is stretching new-age and/or a modern psychological understanding into the original dhamma. Think more "unbounded good-will / benevolence". Echoing Than-Geof (Thanissaro Bhikkhu), 'love' in Pali is 'pema', affection, and is not recommended, as it, more often than not, implies wanting something, often for oneself. 'Metta' is closely related to 'mitta', friendship; 'noble' friendship, like they don't want anything from you, but rather wish something for you, and in particular, wish for you to find it in yourself.
As in baddul's second question (above), I think of highly developed metta as going along with, inseparable from a high degree of awakening, comprising sila, concentration and understanding. Metta is foremost a sila (virtue) attainment. But maybe that's probably going too far afield of the question.
Concretely, with the people I've met who probably qualify (who have been largely highly accomplished monastics), the sense is that they are deeply stable within themselves, so don't need or want anything from you, but rather want to offer. Another way of putting that is they impart a sense of safety. That's important, because feeling safe allows more uncolored participation, actually an ability to concentrate on the present opportunity, rather than expecting, as in fearing or desiring. (The whole thing about overcoming the 'hindrances' in developing jhana has to do with this – the mind can't fully open unless it feels safe, not looking over it's shoulder in those ornery states of mind.)
That implies overall mental attainment, equanimity, maturity, things like that.
Secondly when they direct their attention to one, it's full and immediate, with a kindness and concern, but in a sense impersonal. I mean, when one (speaking from my experience) gets that kind of attention, there's the potential to feel 'Oh, he/she likes me', of feeling that it's personal, that it's supporting my own specialness. That's speaking of the way I've noticed reaction in the past. Now-a-days the hint of that still arises, but if I can quickly 'see through myself', keep perspective on the situation, i.e. note that it (myself) is not the central issue, can distract from fully being present in the situation.
So, that actually echoes what I think Richard Zen was bringing up – that one's reaction will be conditioned by 'who one is', what one brings to the situation. With some toe-hold on practice / path-stuff, one can use such encounter as a mirror, an opportunity for insight.
Deep metta-informed attention can make one 'feel good', but, I believe, is best used to try to reflect it, to emulate what one's finds in that person's attitude. Metta has that quality of being contagious, so to speak, like a couple of things in the practice. Another is 'gratitude' – as described somewhere in the suttas, having two aspects: 1) recognizing that one has received benefit, and 2) returning it in kind, or spreading it further around. A third example is that when one has deeply established peace of mind, that will radiate on it's own to others, even when not being directed in anyway at them. Just as, more commonly, being blown around by neurotic reactivity will tend to subliminally cause the jitters in others.
