So recently I read the MCTB book and this really struck me:

This seems to be exactly my case.  It stareted when I was 13-15 and today I am 23, still in the Dark Night. But there is something even more accurate in my experience and it REALLY makes it difficult to get anywhere in life:
This describes my default physical state of being very well. I have a hard time getting stuff done in life, because every time when I have to do something either small or big task, I am like "ughhh there is no energy to get up and move and do that". I tried to fight it for years with getting as close to perfect healthy lifestyle as I can (clean diet, drinking a lot of water, enough sleep, meditaiton, working out, etc.) and recently I gave up. I had no more ideas what can I do, and then this book happened.

How am I supposed to function in the world like that? Help me live with it somehow... like Daniel mentioned, for quite some time it is really tempting to escape into monastery life. I wouldn't even really want to, I would prefer to be in the "normal" world and work on my progress here, but it's just that I can't get anything done!

Hiya Michael G, 

Welcome to the DhO.

I think a lot of us can relate to your experience. This immobility, as you saw in Daniel's book, is a recognized part of a temporary mental condition, all conditions being temporary =).

So if you sit in meditation or sit on the couch or lay in bed all day, at some point, you will have to move to use the bathroom or the eat/get water.

Use these natural movement moments for practice. 

Since you already have such a sedate state of mind, considering noting and/or sensate attention (receptive attention in the five senses or sixth including mental activity), because these are quite apparently active.

Go moderately and appreciatively. If you practice noting for ten steps, great. Consider building noting for fifteen steps next time. 
If you note for three bites of food, considering noting/sensate attention for four bites of food

Consider build in authentic rewards/appreciative thoughts at each stage.  

Have compassion for yourself. A recent study at Stanford University noted that intentional self- and other compassion (not pity) improves attention.


There a boat load of experienced and effortful practitioners sharing efforts here. One person mentioned using tai chi "horse stance" or "standing mountain" to get out of their head. I remember doing that!


Best wishes.


Edit: hyperlink woes

Welcome, Michal,

I think we have a lot in common.  We also probably have even more differences (for instance, you probably don't have bipolar disorder), so please don't take this the wrong way.  I am 23.  Since age 16, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I have had extreme difficulty getting stuff done in daily life.  I either feel the extreme lack of energy (a sort of depression) or, in my case, extreme agitation (a sort of mania/mixed state).  Either way, it is aversion to a task that requires as little challenge as brushing my teeth or as much challenge as writing a 20 page paper or starting a project that will take hundreds of hours.  I have done a lot of psychotherapy and medication regimen, which has helped a lot.  

However, the thing which is really helping me (which is why I am responding to your question of "how am i supposed to function in the world like that?") is insight progress as outlined in MCTB, and made through Mahasi-noting-with-mental-labelling in daily life.  Daily life noting is extremely valuable for me because it does not require a radical shift to a different, disciplined activity (formal sitting meditation).  Also, it does not require extreme levels of attention or focus.  I can remain in distracted thought (or whatever else it is that keeps me relaxed) in one 'track' of my mind while doing noting in another.  The mental labels sort of force the mind to focus in an authentic way.  I can shift easily into this technique any time without having to get permission from the aversive parts of myself.

I have completed three paths under the tutelage of Ron Crouch.  The progress is real and manifests as more space between 'me' and the aversion in the body and mind.  I also feel more logical cognitive functioning around it and less unnecessary obsessive thought.  In general, I would say I am way more grounded on an energetic level, which manifests on all other levels.  

My change has been mostly internal thus far, and I have not yet radically transformed my external lifestyle.  I will post on the DHO when I do this.

Thanks for sharing, its always nice to hear about others who have somewhat similar struggles,
Noah

p.s. If you agree that we may share commonalities, there have been a few other methods that have greatly benefited me in a lasting way that I would share.

Thank you for all the replies
I do 40 minute morning and evening concentration meditation, but I'd say that my main practice is trying to be mindful and aware, as much present in the moment along the day as I can and I have to agree that noting all the sensations is very helpful. Sometimes i get into this flow, when no emotion sticks to me and these are great moments.

I think I know what you're talking about.

I see, I have those moments and sometimes days when I can really be productive and peaceful moment-to-moment but I have a problem having succes with it long term. Sometimes I am great for a few days, and then comes a period when I seem to go back and negative stuff sticks to me again.
Siema yes I have noticed this paradox that I get detached from miseries when I am not trying to get away from it, when i don't judge what is good or what is bad and just accept that it is what it is. And what you say actually does make sense, when practicing mindfulness I sometimes get into a state when mind stops labeling (it feels like left brain turns off for a while, if it makes any sense), it's just silent, innocent experiencing. And it feels so great, suddenly just a sound of wind blowing is surprisingly joyful, etc.

So I guess it's pretty much about two thing right now, more insight and acceptance. I can feel there is still resistance in me to completely surrender to reality and accept every moment as it is.

Its good to hear that you have some good days.  I guess the question is how to have a higher percentage of those good days, how to have more chunks of good days in a row.  The thing that has worked for me is having an active gameplan, i.e. do this meditation this much with these desired effects.  Also, what has worked for me is trying to reach attainments (permanent changes) as oppossed to practices (temporary relief).  Also, you said that you've done a lot of healthy lifestyle changes that haven't worked, which would be practices.  

No offense to Pawel's method (which is super-sophisticated and I probably don't even understand it), but I think the best way to attain to a permanent shift is what Kenneth Folk calls 'first gear' practices, meaning, taking ordinary sense objects as your focus, one after another.  This would not include analysis or awareness of the seer or subject or you.  Just note again and again, in a dumb, beast of burden, kind of way.  Do this for hours, days and weeks to cycle out of the dark night, up through eq, and to stream entry and beyond, destroying dissolution's hold on you forever.

I look forward to hearing more about your journey in the future! Noah

Paweł, I always enjoy your posts. Your insight is so sharp, and that clarity somehow transmits itself to the reader.

I often don't know how to respond to the posts on Dharma Overground. In ordinary social interaction, we want to console, encourage, and reassure each other. We want to make each other feel better, at least temporarily. That's normal. But as you correctly point out, this only reinforces the selfing agenda. The attempt to fix the problem *is* the problem. Anyway, I think you say it much more skillfully than I can.

I'm like this at the moment. I feel like I have almost ongoing detoxing going on, general feeling of malaise. I know its not ongoing, its cycles but the part of the cycle where all the energy is shifting and my body feels bad, all I want to do for a week to 10 days is just sit on the sofa.

Does anyone else remember having these big "detox" type cycles? Did anyone learn how to lessen the effects or is learning to be equanimous with it all part of the journey?

The first time I hit the dark night I was at work (as a waitor) and asked my manager to let me leave immediately because I couldn't stand being there for some unknown reason.  Dissolution didn't hit me as hard but I think that was Fear.  I do agree with you that your body, mind and energy-system just have to 'get used' to the stage you're in, which is synonymous with saying you are being purified.  The thing that helped me was faith that it would definitely pass if I kept noting and the feeling of empowerment knowing that I could choose how much I noted.  So I never stopped noting.