Message Boards Message Boards

Practice Logs

Ernest O practice log

Ernest O practice log
6/12/15 9:45 AM
After a long post about SE (which isn't resolved) I better update my progress in a log.

Some personal info that can be useful first:
I'm 37 and been meditating for two years. I practice yoga, eat a low fat vegan diet and sit in full lotus to meditate.

I had an experience that seemed SE but, after reflection, I considered it to be AP.
3 or 4 months later I had an experience that has all the characteristics of SE (cessation).
After that I had an strong experience with the powers.
I had a really weird experience where I saw suffering in a very pleasant moment that resulted in strong compassion.

Since then, I have not had any cessation and I am clearly cycling.

I have a stiff neck and have some kundalini activity from time to time. I limit my meditation time because of my knees.

I have found that relative things like what you do, think, eat, etc, helpful to improve concentration and stillness but detrimental to insight if attached to them (and it is very difficult to not to be attached to them).

I have tried right speech, doing things very slowly, questioning who am I, and a lot of things for some time.

Right now I meditate for a hour daily, after that I have some body pains.
From time to time, I meditate a lot more, and try to do noting whenever I can in daily life.

Feel free to post any questions or doubts in this thread.

RE: Ernest O practice log
6/15/15 1:52 PM as a reply to Ernest Michael Olmos.
2015-06-12 / 2015-06-15

These days concentration has been hard. Been doing some 2h sittings (well, two 1h sittings with a slight change in posture).
To concentrate, I have been counting breaths till 50 and being really quiet (not moving a muscle).
Even then, the mind seems agitated at a base level.

Walking on open spaces has been nice, with panoramic vision.
I also have been trying to be mindful of daily activities a lot (without much success).

My guess is that there is some tension in the body, that traslates to the mind.

I took some decisions that impact the way I live (and meditate too). I knew beforehand that it would hit concentration.
On the bright side, I've been making progress with the neck stiffness, I'll see how it plays in the next days.
When I sit in full lotus there is a muscle in the hip and the leg that pulls the spine and the back down, which in turn stretches the neck.

My will and ability to endure pain seems to be getting stronger (not sure that is a good thing).

About the stage I'm in, well, Mind and Body seems apropiate.

RE: Ernest O practice log
6/19/15 10:01 AM as a reply to Ernest Michael Olmos.
2015-06-16 / 2015-06-19

One day I was able to meditate early (6am). After some time of vipassana and stayong very still, I noticed the vibrations in everything. Then, at the end of a very slow outbreath, I felt my spine vibrating. Some sort of "sync" ocurred and now I can concentrate and note very easily.

Been using that to note a lot more.

Some results:

- I was noting what I saw and heared, and the breath and body sensations during a walk. For a moment, I began to note outside (saw and heared) and inside (breath). Began doing it fast, noting even the in-out movement and...zzzzz, things looked very different for a moment. It lasted 2 or 3 seconds.
- Noting bodily sensations and thoughts fast enough (alternating attention to both) I got the same result, the who I'm I looked very diferent for a moment.

I now understand how important is to keep the mind engaged (everywhere in the descriptions in the 3Cs Daniel says so), so it doesn't get lost in stories.

However, when very lost in stories, or in a stage where you can't concentrate or note, the only thing that has ever helped me is to meditate, to be really still, so the mind faces and understands whatever it is running from, feel the stage you are in and move along.

About the stage I'm in. 3Cs moving to AP I think.
I'm improving at determining the stage I'm in. I'm still not good at it, but I was worse before hehehe.

RE: Ernest O practice log
7/3/15 2:50 PM as a reply to Ernest Michael Olmos.
2015-06-20 / 2015-07-03

Feeling very good, mind clear, need for sleep reduced, lots of ideas, clarity (wrote a long reply to, energy, etc.
Yeah, I'm entering AP.

The body feels lighter, feel very confident, panoramic vision that includes the senses, etc.

I do lack the motivation I had before SE (to note everything everywhere).
Sometimes I think I'm too relaxed. There is this subtle resistance to doing things (that involve meditation).

From time to time, I notice vibrations (not on porpuse). Unlike before SE, this vibrations feel in my body, in the senses, not in the outside. Sometimes I feel like everything is vibrating. It usually happens when I'm quiet.

RE: Ernest O practice log
7/29/15 6:33 PM as a reply to Ernest Michael Olmos.
2015-07-04 / 2015-07-29

I had an interesting experience. For some time (about half an hour), I could sense the shift between thinking and looking. I could sense the things that make experience. When i shifted from looking to thinking, or doing nothing to thinking, before the thought appeared, there was a gap, like something taking form.

It felt a lot like the moment before cessation.

I also had strong concentration experiences, and I feel very ungrounded, dealing with a lot of my stuff when it happens.

RE: Ernest O practice log
9/5/15 2:22 PM as a reply to Ernest Michael Olmos.
2015-07-30 / 2015-08-31

I've been cycling.

A few weeks ago, an event where, again, I could feel the suffering pleasant activities.
Like being able to see the anxiety that drives one moment to the next.

From that moment, I've been able to meditate more and better. I could feel stillness in daily life.
Lots of good qualities (concentration, panoramic, balanced actions in daily life).

Today, another event.
Morning, 6:15am (been meditating since 5), a shift or blip or something.
When I stand, calm bliss all over the body.
Perspective changed (When I stare at something I can feel my breathing and the staring at the same time).
When I see things, clarity, lightness.
For a moment I could see the flickering at will.

However, feel like something is "emotionally" wrong. Not the wow of the last blip.
No big relief.

Now I feel really, really well. Clarity persists. Some kind of difference persists.


1. I'm 90% sure there was a blip. But there wasn't a "wake" up, nor a transition (that I could notice).
   It was like, a moment I was thinking of something and...something different.
2. All the changes of a blip (clarity, very physical bliss wave, perspective change) except in the emotional area.
3. Some relief (but definitely not as strong as the first time). More a "something is over" thing.
4. The emotional thing puzzles me. Like something went wrong (what can go wrong in a blip?).
   Anyway, it is fading, now I feel emotionally great (the clarity helps).

I'm not sure I can label this a fruition or second path.
It doesn't have the freedom or wow of the one before (a year ago).

On the other hand, the clarity, lightness and some change in perspective remains.
The bliss after it happened was really impressive (powerful and calm).
But the emotional part is lacking. The wow, freedom thing is lacking.

Ah, and I had the urge to made a resolution (that's not that happens to me usually).
I made the resolution to slow down and master the things that I've learned so far.

Maybe I've become too skeptical emoticon

I'll give it some time.

RE: Ernest O practice log
9/5/15 2:40 PM as a reply to Ernest Michael Olmos.
2015-09-01 / 2015-09-04

Well, the change in perspective from my last experience didn't last.
So, it was definitely not a path.
I don't even think it was a fruition.
I've been having some kundalini experiences.

However, the body bliss, the stillness and clarity of perception that followed that experience was really remarkable.

Been having some "shifts" of mind these days, where you notice how the mind solidifies some things before you move your attention to to other things. When I realize that, I notice the same things about the realization, etc, until I feel I can become crazy.
Point of reference goes away and feels refreshing.

These days I've been able to sit for longer and have deeper expericences.

Well, back to practice.