Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice) - Discussion
Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice)
Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice) | Yung Bhikkhu | 9/20/15 9:24 PM |
RE: Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice) | Yung Bhikkhu | 9/27/15 12:21 PM |
RE: Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice) | tom moylan | 9/29/15 4:53 AM |
Yung Bhikkhu, modified 9 Years ago at 9/20/15 9:24 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/20/15 9:18 PM
Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice)
Posts: 2 Join Date: 9/20/15 Recent Posts
Howdy all. I'm not very knowledgeable, nor am I the sharpest crayon in the shed, so I will likely have little of value to contribute to the Overground. That said, I do hope to maintain a practice log here in order to better track progress and developments. I've been lurking for a good while, and you seem like a cool of group guys/gals, so I look forward to spending more time with you all!
Some background:
Having cleared up some longstanding substance abuse issues (alcohol, marijuana) in the past year I feel the time has come to begin practice in earnest. I've spent the past two years learning about the dharma, but have spent far too little time actually sober and "getting the work done". There has been practice, but a very fair amount of it was done while stoned and was likely of little value. I have also had transcendent experiences with psychedelics in the past that led me to Buddhism in the first place, so I imagine there's an A&P or two event somewhere in there.
My life allows precious little time for formal sitting, and absolutely zero time for true physical seclusion. Most of my current practice is low-quality "Distracted Noting", as outlined by Noah in the topic below:
http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/5726533
I tend to get a few hours of this in per day, particularly at the gym and on public transport.
To give an indication of where I'm at in formal sitting: sat and noted for 45 mins today, Mahasi-style. Started by keeping an open awareness of inner and outer sensations as they arose. After 5 - 10 mins inner and outer bodily sensations began to be perceived as a marching, undulating 3D "TV static". I attended to the sensations while watching the focus of attention "drift" throughout the body. After a bit of this there was a sort of settling into the body, and the attention process took on a more automatic quality. Attention then began to fixate on sensations of the breath in the nose, where the "static" feeling grew more prominent and began to spread to the rest of my face. This feeling tended to be most intense on my forehead between the eyes. I was interrupted by a housemate after a while of this hahaha. Thoughts and some mental imagery arose during all of this, but they were just thoughts, kind of like sensations are just sensations. In general, as things deepen sensations / thoughts grow highly impersonal until they drop off entirely.
The best depiction I can offer of the "static" is a more densely packed version of the molecules in the gas diagram below. They arise, move, flicker, and vanish.
http://isite.lps.org/sputnam/chem_notes/Unit6_States/states.gif
Other than noting, practice currently consists of metta in the mornings and evenings. My general concentration practice is very weak. I can stay on the breath without "losing" it for as long as I want, but distracting thoughts still arise. These thoughts have little power to derail me, but they are present in the "background". No jhanic factors (piti, sukha) ever really seem to arise, there's mostly just a general tranquility and minor quality of focus. Things also tend to "degenerate" into Vipassana territory pretty rapidly if I'm not careful.
The only real "anomaly" worth reporting in practice thusfar: when I dip deeper into formal noting, especially in a reclining posture, vibrations will get very intense and the sense of observer will begin to undulate and shake. There is no physical shaking of the body when this happens. It starts softly and slowly, but tends to become pretty damn violent as it deepens. I'm not really sure what it's about, so I just stay with it and continue noting. If anyone has some insight on that one, it'd be much appreciated.
If any of this terminology is problematic or unclear, let me know - I don't really know what I'm doing or talking about hahaha.
With Metta
Some background:
Having cleared up some longstanding substance abuse issues (alcohol, marijuana) in the past year I feel the time has come to begin practice in earnest. I've spent the past two years learning about the dharma, but have spent far too little time actually sober and "getting the work done". There has been practice, but a very fair amount of it was done while stoned and was likely of little value. I have also had transcendent experiences with psychedelics in the past that led me to Buddhism in the first place, so I imagine there's an A&P or two event somewhere in there.
My life allows precious little time for formal sitting, and absolutely zero time for true physical seclusion. Most of my current practice is low-quality "Distracted Noting", as outlined by Noah in the topic below:
http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/5726533
I tend to get a few hours of this in per day, particularly at the gym and on public transport.
To give an indication of where I'm at in formal sitting: sat and noted for 45 mins today, Mahasi-style. Started by keeping an open awareness of inner and outer sensations as they arose. After 5 - 10 mins inner and outer bodily sensations began to be perceived as a marching, undulating 3D "TV static". I attended to the sensations while watching the focus of attention "drift" throughout the body. After a bit of this there was a sort of settling into the body, and the attention process took on a more automatic quality. Attention then began to fixate on sensations of the breath in the nose, where the "static" feeling grew more prominent and began to spread to the rest of my face. This feeling tended to be most intense on my forehead between the eyes. I was interrupted by a housemate after a while of this hahaha. Thoughts and some mental imagery arose during all of this, but they were just thoughts, kind of like sensations are just sensations. In general, as things deepen sensations / thoughts grow highly impersonal until they drop off entirely.
The best depiction I can offer of the "static" is a more densely packed version of the molecules in the gas diagram below. They arise, move, flicker, and vanish.
http://isite.lps.org/sputnam/chem_notes/Unit6_States/states.gif
Other than noting, practice currently consists of metta in the mornings and evenings. My general concentration practice is very weak. I can stay on the breath without "losing" it for as long as I want, but distracting thoughts still arise. These thoughts have little power to derail me, but they are present in the "background". No jhanic factors (piti, sukha) ever really seem to arise, there's mostly just a general tranquility and minor quality of focus. Things also tend to "degenerate" into Vipassana territory pretty rapidly if I'm not careful.
The only real "anomaly" worth reporting in practice thusfar: when I dip deeper into formal noting, especially in a reclining posture, vibrations will get very intense and the sense of observer will begin to undulate and shake. There is no physical shaking of the body when this happens. It starts softly and slowly, but tends to become pretty damn violent as it deepens. I'm not really sure what it's about, so I just stay with it and continue noting. If anyone has some insight on that one, it'd be much appreciated.
If any of this terminology is problematic or unclear, let me know - I don't really know what I'm doing or talking about hahaha.
With Metta
Yung Bhikkhu, modified 9 Years ago at 9/27/15 12:21 PM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/27/15 12:21 PM
RE: Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice)
Posts: 2 Join Date: 9/20/15 Recent Posts
'Sup DHO? Hope you all are well. It was an interesting week for ur boi Yung Bikkhu. Let's get right at it:
Earlier in the week I was sitting atop a grate that had irrigated rainwater flowing beneath it while waiting for public transit. While observing the sound of the stream I (for lack of better word) "merged" with it. Quickly afterwards I attempted to reach the same state, but pointed outwards in a "total" manner ... and it worked. It's a temporary state, and it requires some concentration to get into initially, but it's very restful / peaceful. At deeper levels the sense of the body vanishes entirely and it feels like there is no difference between "me" and the "object". I have no clue what this is or how, if at all, it's related to what's happening in the paragraph below.
During formal practice the way that sensations are perceived has changed a bit. Previously there was a pretty strong sense of center point from which and relative to all sensations seemed to be processed. Now everything that is observed seems to be like a point on a 3D scatter-plot with no beginning, middle or end. That very sense and idea of a center is now observable and objectifiable, and this has been highly educational. It's starting to slowly bleed into my daily experience as I further my formal practice.
Other than that, emotional material is coming up for the first time in a long time. I ended up crying during my last formal sit. Last time that happened was last year when I went through a phase of smoking, sitting and working through a boatload of emotional issues for about a month or so. It all seems to be new territory, but it's strange stuff I didn't even know or feel that I needed to deal with. I'm by no means intentionally psychologizing my practice - I still investigate these sensations and feelings as they come up. Hopefully this is just a phase. If not ... well, that's how it goes sometimes haha.
Other than all that I've been listening through the audio version of Rob McNamara's Strength to Awaken at work. I'm very impressed thusfar. Good, applicable stuff that has been slowly transforming my gym visits into something more. Highly recommended if you're into that.
Little time to proofread today, hope that was coherent.
Earlier in the week I was sitting atop a grate that had irrigated rainwater flowing beneath it while waiting for public transit. While observing the sound of the stream I (for lack of better word) "merged" with it. Quickly afterwards I attempted to reach the same state, but pointed outwards in a "total" manner ... and it worked. It's a temporary state, and it requires some concentration to get into initially, but it's very restful / peaceful. At deeper levels the sense of the body vanishes entirely and it feels like there is no difference between "me" and the "object". I have no clue what this is or how, if at all, it's related to what's happening in the paragraph below.
During formal practice the way that sensations are perceived has changed a bit. Previously there was a pretty strong sense of center point from which and relative to all sensations seemed to be processed. Now everything that is observed seems to be like a point on a 3D scatter-plot with no beginning, middle or end. That very sense and idea of a center is now observable and objectifiable, and this has been highly educational. It's starting to slowly bleed into my daily experience as I further my formal practice.
Other than that, emotional material is coming up for the first time in a long time. I ended up crying during my last formal sit. Last time that happened was last year when I went through a phase of smoking, sitting and working through a boatload of emotional issues for about a month or so. It all seems to be new territory, but it's strange stuff I didn't even know or feel that I needed to deal with. I'm by no means intentionally psychologizing my practice - I still investigate these sensations and feelings as they come up. Hopefully this is just a phase. If not ... well, that's how it goes sometimes haha.
Other than all that I've been listening through the audio version of Rob McNamara's Strength to Awaken at work. I'm very impressed thusfar. Good, applicable stuff that has been slowly transforming my gym visits into something more. Highly recommended if you're into that.
Little time to proofread today, hope that was coherent.
tom moylan, modified 9 Years ago at 9/29/15 4:53 AM
Created 9 Years ago at 9/29/15 4:53 AM
RE: Yung Bhikkhu (Trying to Practice)
Posts: 896 Join Date: 3/7/11 Recent Posts
howdy YB,
the self effacement you bring to your post is, methinks, unwarranted. that you are a bit unsatified with your progress is clear but imo unimportant.
every day, every sit we start from exactly where we are. given your descriptions of passing tha A&P in the past and the (scant) details of your experiences it is clear that you are making progress and looking in the right direction. you seem to understand what the practice is , if in an attenuated way, and so perhaps a little refinement and dedication of purpose and method is required.
if you are sitting anyway it seems a shame to not put in courageous effort. the questions are where and how.
have you done a retreat? are you open to it? is it possible? you are in a place where that could really give you a push so consider that.
you mention that things are shaking up a bit..also a good sign as are the "unusual" emotional clearings. change is a sign of progress.
in any case good luck and keep reporting.
cheers
the self effacement you bring to your post is, methinks, unwarranted. that you are a bit unsatified with your progress is clear but imo unimportant.
every day, every sit we start from exactly where we are. given your descriptions of passing tha A&P in the past and the (scant) details of your experiences it is clear that you are making progress and looking in the right direction. you seem to understand what the practice is , if in an attenuated way, and so perhaps a little refinement and dedication of purpose and method is required.
if you are sitting anyway it seems a shame to not put in courageous effort. the questions are where and how.
have you done a retreat? are you open to it? is it possible? you are in a place where that could really give you a push so consider that.
you mention that things are shaking up a bit..also a good sign as are the "unusual" emotional clearings. change is a sign of progress.
in any case good luck and keep reporting.
cheers