FEB W2
Total hours sat: 14.5

STICKING POINTS:
    •    Getting lost in thought
    •    Confusing techqniues (Samantha / Goenka / Mahasi)
    •    Sloth and torpor - a favourite hinderance


PHENOMENOLOGY TO NOTE:

•  Many of these sits involve focusing on a wider expanse of attention (as Goldstein’s “Big Sky Mind” would have it). That is, focusing on the breath, sounds, allowing all conscious perception to paint the same borderless canvas. This is “Sita”, or awareness without much line of intelligent inquiry. The outline of body is not clear not because of Anatta or any sophisticated arising / passing away, but because it isn’t investigated. It is a very peaceful place; it is unclear it if is a true jhana or not; if the posture is motionless, state breaks are much less likely and there is some sense of self-absorption. Thoughts still arise. Regardless, this is most certainly a samadhi / samantha exercise rather than insight. I enjoy practicing this, and patiently "play" with the breath, as Rob Burbea would put it. Concentration strengthens.

•  Insight: Mahasi-style as taught by Bhante Bodhidhamma. This is unfamiliar territory, having done insight only in the Goenka- style. Bhante points out all of the traps for young players, and I duly step into them: Feeling the “noting” as “getting in the way” of the sensation. He assures that this is overcome with time; good to know. Falling into “noting habitually”; here, the noting is occurring but does so in the background of distracted thought. One realises this when coming out of distracted thought, and the noting crescendos. Guilty again, and will endeavour to overcome this (“let go” and allow the mind to “enter” the experience itself).  All in all, refreshing compared to Goenka; certainly walking meditation makes more sense with noting.

•  There are lots of things still to investigate. When there are two prominent sensations, where should the mind go? At the moment, it flicks between the two. When there is a persistent sensation, how long should the mind stay with it? There was knee and hip pain, quite intense, at different times, and these dissipated in their own time, but there were moments when they were certain to remain for a long time. Perhaps this is impatience. How to decide upon speed; there is a sensation of mental dizziness that comes with trying to follow too many sensory scripts in sequence – very curious.

•  Pleased with not becoming frustrated with being lost in thought (an old sticking point). The flip-side of this is tightening the string enough to have improved effort. This is something taught incredibly well by Rob Burbea.

   RESOLVE:

• Use meditation timer app
• Improve determination:
  
  • Say resolutions out loud prior to each sit.
  • Choose a samantha or vipassana sit and stick with it.
• Continue to “play” with effort levels - the tightness of the string. When practicing insight and being deep in Sita, tighten. When the mind is pressured or obstructed, let go.
  
  • When noting is felt to “get in the way”, experiment with this felt obstruction being let go; note the sensation of “getting in the way"
• When sloth and turpor return, embrace this an opportunity to practice acceptance. It is still quite astonishing how convincing physical and mental fatigue are, only to disappear at the whim of a surge of energy.
• When returning from being lost in thought, let the mind continue its habit of smiling at this event. When there is awareness (however brief) of the mind stepping more deeply into a flight of fancy – experiment with either noting the temptation / intent itself, or noting some other less abstract conscious phenomenon; the breath is still a familiar anchor.

FEB W3

Total hours sat: 9.5 (due for further 0.5h tonite); kept timer which was good
Busy week at work (55h week) plus social calender (dates, work drinks, funeral wake, birthday party)
Perhaps as a consequence went primarily with Samadhi; the mind was busy indeed.

STICKING POINTS:

•  Getting lost in thought.
  
  • Fantasyland had a heavy presence, and there were moments of piti where by the impulse to wander off was caught, and attention returned to the breath.
• There was less by way of sloth and turpor this week; they’ll be back.
• Need to take delight in the practice in every sit
• Bringing calm abiding to everyday life

PHENOMOLOGY TO NOTE:

• Much of the daiy sits featured an unsettled mind. This has prompted a review of day-to-day attitudes; Joseph Goldstein: "What are you doing the remaining 23 hours?"
• In the mini-retreat re-discovered Piti (“euphoria”, as per Rob Burbea), where there is just joy, manifesting in this case as lightness, excited yet contained energy, spaciousness, aliveness. His opinion is that this is a state to be cultivated, not simply observed. Of course, it  must be cultivated with care: Without greed (craving) or without dependence; like all pleasant experiences one must appreciate when it is there, and not miss it when it is not.
•  With Piti came a sheer delight in the practice. Delight in discovering being lost in thought, delight in the concept that this is the there here and now. That this is it. There is nothing more. Delight in the breath, delight in the amorphous body. This is incredibly useful. Burbea encourages practitioners to get addicted to the pleasantness of meditative habit. This is counter to Ingram’s warning of becoming attached to Samadhi states and “blissing out”; it is a warning worth heeding. I plan to follow Burbea here: He suggests that the attachment is natural uprooted as deeper forms of the practice manifest (one presumes he is referring to the Jhanas). It gels well: Both the positive feedback to stregthen habitual practice, but also the ability to cultivate the state in day-to-day life. Rob has suggested exploring this to discover the inherent Dukkha of delusion when this occurs. It is challenging.
•  Remaining physically still remains a useful promoter of a settled mind. Walking meditation is challenging in this regard and some Mahasi noting ended up being deployed to quell the mind.

RESOLVE:

•  Duration of Samadhi: Want to improve this and delusion remains the greatest hinderance. Try to remain aware of not just the breath but each moment a captivating impulse / thought arises – note it and compare it to the joy of the breath.
•  Cultivate piti; aim for delight (no matter the intensity or duration) in every sit
• Aim to bring abiding awareness and joy more frequently in daily interactions