| I have been meditating on and off for about 20 years and have in the last 6 months developed a very serious meditation practice. At home I meditate two 45 minute sessions/day. I don't remember when but I'm sure a while back, I noticed that I would sort of "see" the breath circling around me when I meditated. It was always in sync with my breathing.
On my last day of a recent 5-day retreat, I entered the first jhana. While I was experiencing this amazing rapture, I could sense the breath coming up from my sides and sort of out away from me. Once I got home, my experiences progressed and I started entering the jhanas almost every session, going up to J4 on several occasions. As my experiences deepened, however, I started to feel worse physically all day after meditating in the morning. I started feeling like I was bobbing up and down all the time, as if I had just walked off of a ship that had been on the water. I felt very light and like I was almost floating. In a way nice but a bit hard to function that way. When I would lie down, it was like being on waves. The bed and my body would move up and down in waves and it would always get more pronounced the more deeply I breathed. It got to the point where as soon as I would sit back down on the cushion, the waves would just take me right up as soon as I focused on my breathing and I would get almost pulled into J1 without much effort. I had a few experiences where in J2 or 3, it felt like energy was being pulled up from inside and out of my head. I thought that perhaps that would make the waves subside, like it was some sort of release of energy, but after a little while, the feelings of bobbing up and down would start up again.
Also, when my meditation sessions were done, I could barely come out. I felt so drugged, so deep in it that it was hard to drag myself back into normal thinking. The other day, I was so drugged after my morning session, that I could barely function all day. Mostly I just sat and stared at my toes. I have read that your brain produces endorphins, dopamine and opioids in J1, 2 and 3 and I was wondering if all the opioids in my system were doing this to me. I have a long health history (including lymphoma) and have weak immunity. frequent fatigue and exhaustion and have a hard time recovering from things. I was wondering if I was having a hard time flushing the chemicals my brain was releasing out of my system.
I had to stop meditating after the other day. I just couldn't function anymore and it started to get scary. After 2 days of not meditating, I thought I was feelin better. Then, I laid down yesterday and just did a body scan and noticed that when I started breathing deeply, the feeling of being on waves started up again and when I got out of bed that feeling persisted and now I still feel light and like I'm bobbing again. The breathing seems to be what brings on this sensation. If it's mild, it's pleasant enough when I'm lying down but I don't want to feel all day like I've just come off a boat. My body can also feel very light. If it's really bad, it can be scary in bed too.
I have been in contact with Leigh Brasington and gotten a lot of information but no concrete explanations of what's going on. One teacher said it was a kundalini awakening but I don't know what to do with that. I don't want to have to stop meditating but I'm wondering if my physiology is making me extra sensitive to what's happening in my body chemically. I don't know if this is piti and if that's the same as saying it's from chemicals released from my brain. I don't know if it's "energy" or what that even means. I was also thinking maybe it was some synesthetic experience. MY meditation sessions have been great; I just want to feel well when I am not meditating! Also, what I'm really interested in is emptiness and want to start doing some emptiness practice so I need to be able to concentrate on these practices when I'm meditating but I feel like I can't really do anything when I come out; I feel sort of brain dead.
Any ideas and suggestions would be helpful. For now, I'm still not meditating. it's been 3 days and I still feel the sensations. |