Interesting post Noah. Bravo for being honest like this. That's rare nowadays in most of society it seems.

So, how far along have you gotten with this subject? And how did you do it?

I know that during a couple sittings I did, I felt much of the lust just drop away. Can't explain what or how, it just felt like a switch was flipped and BAM, most of the lust was gone. Some still exists, but it is now so small most times that I don't pay it much heed. Thankfully

I wanted to add that there are a couple ways I have attempted to generalize and/or over-simplify this type of understanding in the past.  These include classifying it as "doing psychology" (to quote Bill Hamilton), and reducing the issue to "the desire is still there but the clinging is not."  At least for me, improvement usually comes through a more intricate understanding which becomes damaged when condensed into a slogan.  

I don't think sexuality needs to be as bad as you depict it, so I don't think your approach is the one I would follow. In Reggie Ray's Series On Mahamudra there is an alternative, much more sex-positive practice you might want to have a look at. I believe it is in cd 27 or 28.

Besides, the non-orgasmic side of sexual pleasure can be an excellent kind of shamatha (-like) practice. (Even as an individual practice, that is.)

Hi Noah,

I wrote this note today which might be of interest... I still struggle with these issues myself. I'm coming at it from an actualist method point of view, i.e. prioritising feeling good (a general sense of well-being). I should also note the actualism method is not about repressing desire, which can be the basis for enthusiasm, energy, gusto etc.

"Relationships need to serve well-being - i.e. increase wellbeing rather than decrease it. If not, then one is prioritising relationships above salubrity, giving them too much importance in regards to one's happiness and worth. What follows is yearning for affective union, loneliness, fear of missing out, fear of losing something... in which case one finds that what one desires or finds attractive - one's favoured sexual gender - actually makes one feel bad a lot of the time!"


Thanks
Martin

Hi Noah,

Well, I've found having a steady partner (now going on 38 years) helps a lot. My attitude is that my role in the transaction is to help make her happy. This is a specific application of Shantideva's general principle in Bodhisattvacaryāvatāra. I guess you could say it's a kind of mild tantric approach: transforming lust into bodhicitta. Doesn't always work of course, but as an overall approach, I've found it's resolved the conflict between my practice and my love life.

Some thoughts, not sure if any will help anyone but here goes.  First remember that you are a guy and a young one. Many men I have known have said when they were your age, they were obsessed with sex and thought about it nearly constantly.  So seems to be a common problem among many, not that I disagree with your attempts to rein it in.  Strong clinging like that is a hassle and does not lead ot happiness.  But simply getting older alone will probably help you in part with this kind of issue as your hormones naturally tone down a few notches.  You may find it hard to imagine being different than you are, but I would say never say never.  Libido can and does come and go for reasons we often can't fathom.  Just because you have not see an absent phase yet does not mean you will never have one.   You may or may not experience that sometime, but I just don't think it's a good idea ot lock down either idea as fact. Far stranger things have happened in this world than just the absense of sex drive in one individual,  ;-P

Now from my own experience, I have definitely experienced along the path long stretches of rather intense sex drive followed by long stretches of basically none, and sometimes some rather abrupt swinging back and forth for a while.  After many years, it's more toned down now and has kind of morphed into something a bit less simple.  It's like the energy has evolved or something so it hasn't been a prob for a while now.  But I do think it's totally possible to not have any drive at least for long stretches of time, since I've done it myself.   Not that I really understand how and why it happened though.  And I do support your efforts to try to solve a problem more directly.  But from my perspective, what I see now is that energy was able to evolve into something that is more peaceful on average.  And I also suspect that I could evolve further from where it is now. 

As for how that's done, I wish I could give better advice but maybe the little details of what rattles around in diff people's brains are so very different anyway.  But basically it seemed like it sort of happened by itself for me as I worked on so many other issues that were more prominent for me. 
-Eva

In the early years of practice I experienced a huge upsurge in libido which was fun, but also caused me some neurotic guilt. I now find myself really not interested in sex most of the time. There is a danger of falling into judgement, thinking that I am now a "better" person for not expending lots of energy in sexual pursuits and orgasms.

In my experience, actively trying to impact one's sexual desires is a bit of a waste of time. You're dealing with powerful energies that aren't really affected by conscious efforts to quell lust. Through practice, these things seem to fall away by themselves, you just lose interest in the coarser types of pleasure when your system gets used to the fact that you can now access deep but subtle sukkha (bliss) through meditative practice. However just because that's how I've found it to be, obviously other people (such as yourself) may still find such efforts to be impactful.

Nice thread. Naturally have been pondering these things myself and can relate to several posts here.

A question: Does anyone have some classic source (regardless of tradition) on
1. the topic of sexual desire becoming pacified and/or
2. instinct of procreation becoming pacified?