Can anyone share proved celibacy method whick works? Whatever methods (be mantras, qigong or whatever else)

howdy,
i have been successful for retreat length periods to be celibate.  other than castration or the natural diminuition of hormonal forces i cannot imagine a force of will having long term effects.

i have always reverted to my biological / evolutional and psychological bias toward sexual expression.

tom

I think you didn't understand my question. I do not have problem with my sexuality or sex per se as they are natural as eating but I want to know ways of transforming it proven way. Castration is not healthy neither dimnuition of hormonal forces. 

but to not be off the topic, please be clear, it's not discussion topic but "proved celibacy method"

So post here method, how it work, how affected you etc.

hi c-c-c,
i know that my answer was a bit glib.  although i have not been successful at being celibate 'forever', i think the way to that is clear.  changing your habitual tendencies is long hard work of reprogramming.

the buddha has many techniques including body contemplations. 

to be celibate the willpower to do so is paramount and to generate that willpower one would normally have to have a good reason to become celibate.

i would start there.  so, no tried and true method from my own personal experience but the suttas contain lots of advice.

tom

Lately, I have been able to control the bodily emotions surrounding sexuality, and the mental obsessings.  I consider these two things to be the 'lust' part, whereas the hormones and what not are the pure 'libido' within it.  I don't even try to change that part.

What has worked for me regarding the aforementioned two points is continuous breath concentration, on-and-off cushion, gladdening the mind-body every time any hindrances arise, investigating the 3 c's on a psycho-emotional level (including how sexuality is so strong a belief system that it could be called a religion), and crushing obsessing thoughts every time they arise.  

This may not be what you are looking for, but I have been doing some practice in this area, so I felt like it was in the same ballpark.  

Thank you, but I doubt it will work for the longer peroids of celibacy.

IME, 90% of sexual desire comes out of frustration or boredom. Note it every time it happens, and move on. 

Have been (joyfully) celibate since 22yo, which was before I discovered Buddhism or any religion. The only method I know is to view sex outside of marrriage as something that is not in the best interests of women. 

If you are unable to have such an insight then it probably won't be easy, particularly if desperate feral women & feminists persuade you otherwise. Of course, if you think marriage, children, etc, would be a good thing then that is probably your destiny. 

It was an amazing feeling when, through insight, the weight, burden & deluded expectations about sex & women fell off my shoulders at 22yo. 

Kind regards 

It takes wisdom & compassion rather than will power or intention. 


Well said.

Nicky, we appreciate your concern, but we're cool... you just do you.

-ladyfrog (feminist, wife, mother and oh so desparate feral woman).

Couldn't keep away from the liberated male domain, could you? 

Sounds like being: (1) a feminist; (2) a wife; (3) a mother &; (4) a desparate feral woman isn't enough for you? 

The Buddha taught cravings can be endless.

Maybe also become: (5) a New Buddha & have multitudes of male disciples depend on & bow down to you. 

Yes, I think that's right meditation to look upon sexuality. Men today are expected to be ultrasexual and beat other women into sumbission with their tool to prove anything which creates certain cycle because there will be always something more to prove - endless struggle. Do women want sex? Yes, but do women truly want sex? No. 

I get what you mean and that was really good tip to contemplate for me.

And please do not go offtopic with feminism stuff or personal issues about that. If all women would be feminist I would not have problem with celibacy but right now let focus on proven methods. 

!?

Ignorance + misogyny + incomprehensible nonsense aplenty in this brief thread. How about regarding the female half of the species as human, avoiding ridiculous generalizations, and figuring out how to live an authentic life, with integrity. That's my advice. 

That's not proven method of celibacy. Please stay on the topic.

I vote for the moderators to step in here.  The sexist stuff in this thread has gotten a little absurd over the past few hours.  This message board has progressed quite a bit over the past year in terms of cleaning up some of this sort of content, and we should do our best to maintain this.

It's not a method, but it's relevant, since it expresses something about methods: If your method is based on total delusion, then maybe something is wrong with it. Delusion eventually evaporates (mostly), and then your method vanishes with it.

smbc guy clears up your confusion:
http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=4015

Great quote. Need to keep that in mind for opportunities of future trolling.DhO is full of nonsense in general. No need to go all hypocritical pc-nonsense and demand censorship about gender issues just because some people are easily offended in this particular instance. Celibacy isn't exactly an easy topic, and it is somewhat innately tied to the issues discussed in this thread. If someone isn't interested in some people's struggle with celibacy, don't read the thread, it's that simple. Apart from Nicky's unexplained assertion that extramarital sex is somehow not in women's best interest, I see nothing that should be a cause of worry. (Although I see lots of stuff that could be badly understood.)

Now excuse me, gotta go find some feral desperate women (:

Are we talking about plain celibacy or full abstinence? In the first case, I would say masturbation.

In the second case, I would ask what for and how long for? Are we talking about dealing with sexual urges for a few weeks or months while in a meditation retreat centre? For a period of your off-retreat life? For good? I think clarifying your goals would help narrowing down the discussion better.

Wow, you guys are nuts. It's clearly what topic is about but you trying to pursue your personal crazy-minds agenda here. Obviously that's why genuine spiritual practitioners should stay out the forums so I'm going from this place. You guys have problems with yourself, really - and this kind of discussion will only exaggerate them. 

Nevermind, people here trying to teach other people what they can not do by themselves. Topic states "proven methods" but obviously people do not know how to handle their sexuality and can not be true with it. 

I think I will need to look up someone else but anyway thanks for sane approach.

Nah, not really, the word is still ambiguous.

In "Arahattamagga", Ajahn Maha Boowa describes his path to complete celibacy, (as in: no sexual desire any more at all) based on body contemplation.
That seems to be pretty much the only method that the Buddhist tradition has preserved for this purpose.
Some here have tried that with some success, so I'd say this is a "proven method". However, it will still take a lot of dedication. I wouldn't expect that eradicating natural urges completely would be a piece of cake. If you hope that repeating some mantras or qigong exercises will just do the job in no time: good luck with that, you'll need it.

You should work on your anger issues first before tackling the celibacy challenge.

desperate feral women
ultrasexual men
true women that truly do not want sex
true male practioners are celibate

For what it's worth, I basically see this a possible sign of clinging to views and creating a huge "shadow" issue.
Thinking this way tends to polarize the topic of sexuality, creating extremes, and pitting one side against the other.

It's okay to want to renounce actions/activities that somone personally feels impairs progress in mediation/awakening,
but we should all be careful of believing that there is "one right way", that our approach applies to everyone.

It's pretty typical that when someone takes a hard view, regardless of the issue, there is a lot of psychological material that is being avoided.
It doesn't mean someone has to explore sex in order to say they aren't avoiding it, that's another extreme.
But it does mean that it's highly likely that when someone is projecting hypersexuality on some out group (feral women, ultrasexual men)
they are actually repressing the existence of those same feelings/emotions/thoughts in themselves and demonizing it in others.
There isn't any aspect of life that is immune from instigating spiritual bypassing and sexuality is near the top of the list.

Using celibacy as a training method can be very helpful, but remember the important thing is the training,
not whether vows are always held 100% perfectly. There isn't a buddhist god that will reward us. And maintaining vows
doesn't guarantee progress in meditation. It very common that holding strong views about purity and righteousness
is a form spiritually bypassing a sense of anger, which will continue to prevent progress unless that is investigated.

The training has to be the reward itself, with the benefit coming from the increased awareness and compassion
that a training method helps foster. If the training method doesn't lead to increased awareness and compassion,
then it isn't a useful one for awakening.

And someone's training method might not be applicable for others.

Every spiritual leader, be they Moses, Buddha, Jesus or Muhammad, did not encourage or praise extramarital sex. 

That is why they were free, including free from worry.

Keep in mind, this thread is about proven methods. 


I already quoted the scriptures. The Buddha prescribed at least 3 methods, including viewing all women as 'mothers'. Body contemplation is the 2nd or backup method. Those with appropriate wisdom & compassion do not require it. 

Since I suddenly became celibate, I have never not been surrounded by women. Just returned from an evening with two women. No sweat. No body contemplation required. 

Btw, I was once informed that in the Buddhist scripture or commentaries, there is a story about a monk who was meditating upon a corpse and sexual lust arose towards the corpse. 

The quote below shows Ajahn Buddhadasa did not share the same view as Ajahn Maha Boowa. 

 

Celibacy is not a 'training method'. It is a way of life.

The Buddha used the word 'brahmacharya'  for the 'holy life', which in Hinduism refers to celibacy. 


My interpretation of the above statement was women truely want committed relationships, marriage, children, family, etc, rather than mere sex. I found nothing controversial about it, from a spiritual perspective. 

In my proven experince, it transforms or matures the sexual (love) instinct into real compassion. 

Muhammad had sex slaves and permitted, even encouraged, his followers to do the same.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_views_on_slavery

re: Laurel Carrington (5/11/16 12:23 AM as a reply to shargrol)
"Ignorance + misogyny + incomprehensible nonsense aplenty in this brief thread. How about regarding the female half of the species as human…"
Seconding this (and Noah's note -- 5/11/16 1:16). AND remember that these days the issue of "lust" is by no means limited to men towards women, nor vice-versa.

re: Chris Chris Chris (5/11/16 12:52 AM as a reply to LaurelCarrington)
"That's not proven method of celibacy. Please stay on the topic."
Worth trying (dictating to the other posters), but this is a discussion forum.

But apropos the topic: Check-out the method described by Thanissaro Bhikkhu, found throughout his teachings, but perhaps most accessibly, and in terms of his own experience, in an interview in "Oberlin Alumni Magazine :: Spring 2004; Feature: Being A Monk" (available on-line at: http://www.oberlin.edu/alummag/spring2004/feat_monk.html) See the frame "page 4", about 2/3 down the 1st page there.

Admittedly a special case, as he's devoted his life to dhamma and renunciation, but he is also a Westerner (and in fact interesting this whole interview, as very much a chat among old college buddies). But he described a "proven method", he's credible, and what he describes is quite pragmatic.

Actually, here's the relevant part of the interview, to save the trouble of searching for it (though the whole thing is quite interesting as revealing personal aspects of being a monk):

Q: Did it take a long time to adjust to a celibate lifestyle?
A: The first hurdle you face is not wanting to take care of it, the attractiveness of lust itself. But after a while I began to realize that I was suffering because of this. But if I focused on the lust itself, rather than the object of the lust, I began to realize lust was not that good a thing to have in my mind.

Q: Do you ever feel lustful?
A: No.

Q: Never?
A: You have meditation to take care of it. As soon as lust comes into the mind, you've got to take care of it.

Q: You sound so pragmatic.
A: It's very pragmatic. That was one of the lessons I got from Ajaan Fuang: Get over the drama and sit down and do the work. I remember the first time he said to me, "Okay, we're going to meditate all night." I said, "My God, I can't do that! I've been working hard all day!" He said, "Is it going to kill you?" No. "Then you can do it."

Q: What about the simple desire for touch? Can non-monks touch you?
A: Women can't. With men, it depends on how they're going to touch me. No lustful touching.

The Koran states when there a widows from (enemy) men killed in war, Muslim men should consider marrying them. That said, I doubt Islam can help much with celibacy, since Islam does not encourage celibacy. 

Right, Nicky, according to Islamic law:
- Muslims may marry their sex slaves, but they don't have to.
- If they'd rather not marry their sex slaves, they can still rape them, because they are slaves, after all.
- If they'd rather marry their slaves, they can still rape them, because spousal rape is not recognised by islam.

The Quran does recognise a couple rights for the slave girls:
- They cannot be compelled into prostitution, unless they agree to it. (Of course, since the owner can beat the slaves, it shouldn't be too hard to make them agree to it.)
- Muslims cannot be reduced into slavery, only everyone else can.

As for Muhammad specifically, the limit of four wives never applied to him, because Allah (the Compassionate, the Merciful) specifically allowed him to take as many as he wished. He had more than ten at the same time, in fact. We know this, because Muhammad himself told us that Allah told him that he could take as many wives as he wished, so it must be true.

So, yeah, we agree that Muhammad is not necessarily the best religious figure to look up to when it comes to celibacy 

Sounds like OP wants a non-existent fool-proof magic formula to celibacy, as if anyone could say in words how this is to be done, or that the means are not clearly obvious already.  Lacking the patience to even discuss this properly, it's clear that they have other more salient issues to work out.  I've never really thought seriously on this topic, and I've been celibate for my life (29 years) because I do not care and have no interest in sex.  However, I can't go full celibacy, because it's apparently extremely difficult.  I can resist it, but my enthusiasm and effort eventually loses out to the desire to quickly get rid of this feeling.  There's no real advantage to be gained from this besides additional time not taken up with other activities.  Suggestions:  Add extra steps to everything in the process of giving in so that there are more opportunities to halt the action, and to make it clear what comes before, next, after.  Disassociate experiencing lust from seeing women.  Make the objects of desire boring.  One reason I started to meditate was to get rid of the lustful thoughts of sexual fantasies that I wanted to dream about that filled my mind before going to sleep, so I switched to lying on my back and watching the breath instead.

You did get the news about contraception being widely available nowadays, right? Could have something to do with that <_<You're right. I called it 'the only method' because those others seem so un-method-like to me (imprecise instructions, less to do there), but that's probably wrong.I think you're an extreme outlier in this respect. Congratulations, you're lucky.
He talks a lot about selfishness. I don't understand what exactly he means by that and why it would be related =/

re: neko (5/11/16 8:19 AM as a reply to neko)

On a lighter note (perhaps)… way back I ran across on some website / discussion group / blog or whatever (paraphrasing): 

"Once the Buddha confided to his randy[the source was from in the UK] cousin Ananda: 'You know, Ananda, if there had been another hindrance as difficult as my sexuality, I really don't know if I could have made it .' "

@bernd the broter

I cannot speak for Bhikkhu Buddhadasa but my interpretation is there is a significant element of sexual objectification going on with the hindrance of lust. In a sexual fantasy, the mind is generally sexually objectifying another person, without any compassionate regard for their feelings or long-term welfare. This is selfishness. 

As for contraception, are you really sure this is bringing sexual Nirvana to the world? 

Regards 

Its simple.  Dont have sex.  If you want to drop your internals drive .use sublimation  and keep busy . Do charity  work. Vigorous exercise  is great.read. stay away from bars and clubs. Tour drive will get  lower with age.