Desire for deliverance ?

thumbnail
John, modified 5 Years ago at 6/8/16 12:12 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 6/8/16 12:12 PM

Desire for deliverance ?

Posts: 396 Join Date: 9/23/14 Recent Posts
Let's say, some time after A&P, I develop the habit of looking at natural things like rivers, seas and the sky, and trying to just will myself to dissolve into it and dissapear, and feel like I'm on the threshold sometimes of doing so. Would that be desire for deliverance as per MCTB, or just some frustration everybody feels ? It does kinda sound familiar from the description, but then I'm sure many people feel like that in nature. Actually come to think of it, I get like that on buses, in pubs, standing in queues, everywhere really. But it's probably a standard human dissatisfaction isn't it ? I never asked anyone :-)
But I don't think I was like that before I got into meditation, not that I can remember. I suppose it's different to just wishing you were somewhere else, which tends to focus on an imagined rest scenario or holiday.
thumbnail
Christine, modified 5 Years ago at 6/8/16 1:18 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 6/8/16 1:18 PM

RE: Desire for deliverance ?

Posts: 13 Join Date: 3/9/16 Recent Posts
I understood Desire for Deliverance to be to desperation and frustration of the endless cycling of the DN stages of the progress of insight.
You mentioned this happens to you sometime after A&P so this could be what you are experiencing. It could also come from a desire to not just finish a Path but a greater desire to experience non separation or non duality or become fully enlightened. I feel that dissatisfaction too though it comes out more as a feeling and maybe a story around it rather than as you described dissolving or dissappearing into it.
thumbnail
John, modified 5 Years ago at 6/9/16 7:51 AM
Created 5 Years ago at 6/9/16 7:51 AM

RE: Desire for deliverance ?

Posts: 396 Join Date: 9/23/14 Recent Posts
A story ?
thumbnail
Noah, modified 5 Years ago at 6/8/16 1:25 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 6/8/16 1:22 PM

RE: Desire for deliverance ?

Posts: 1467 Join Date: 7/6/13 Recent Posts
John:
Let's say, some time after A&P, I develop the habit of looking at natural things like rivers, seas and the sky, and trying to just will myself to dissolve into it and dissapear, and feel like I'm on the threshold sometimes of doing so. Would that be desire for deliverance as per MCTB, or just some frustration everybody feels ?

Yeah, that sounds right.

Ron Crouch once told me that Desire For Deliverance, and Disguist, are frequently only just one moment.  But if it is drawn out, your description matches, IMO.  

Edit:  As evidence, my experience of DFD have had that calm within the storm quality to them, but in a much, much more miniature way than EQ.  
thumbnail
John, modified 5 Years ago at 6/9/16 7:57 AM
Created 5 Years ago at 6/8/16 1:58 PM

RE: Desire for deliverance ?

Posts: 396 Join Date: 9/23/14 Recent Posts
mmm...drawn out over decades ?

I suppose it could be an attachment to the transpersonal aspect of A&P. In which case it would be kind of retrogressive, rather than a desire to move along the insight path.

I don't really experience it as wanting to avoid the bad emotions of dark night or other stuff, I'm not necessarily feeling grotty at the time, it's just that sense of separation from consuming beauty - kind of pointed in the wrong direction towards the outside sense world rather than the inner one.
thumbnail
John, modified 5 Years ago at 6/11/16 6:26 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 6/11/16 6:26 PM

RE: Desire for deliverance ?

Posts: 396 Join Date: 9/23/14 Recent Posts
yes