Gerry V:
My best guess is that I'm still in the Dark Night and I've started to meditate a lot more recently. I notice, and have noticed throughout the years that it seems to be stressful to focus on something. What I mean by that is for example, when I focus on the breath, if I focus on that during concentration practice, my body stats throwing up all kinds of stressful sensations like heat, pain, pressure. If I focus on those, they obviously get worse.
Have you ever worked with pain? Dig into it with all the focus you can muster and stay on it like a rabid dog. Does it get worse? How worse? Does the intensity change? How? what other stuff comes up? Does your mind scream at you for being so stupid as to willingly investigate the most ponounced sensations that are occuring in this very moment? Good, notice that too and if you need to, make a note of it. I doubt you will need the training wheels of noting to notice these sensations with all your focus, but if not note.
Gerry V:
One thing that does help though is if just sort of peripheralize things, sort of ignore them. Still aware on the periphery that they're there but not focusing on them. When I do this long enough, usually a few minutes, the shitty feelings start to die down. This leads me to a way more equanimous experience and to what I think is Equanimity where things quiet down and my sense of awareness gets wider.
Ignoring sensations? hmmm. and you want to move along? Resist nothing, especially the shitty stuff, if EQ arises, great.
Gerry V:
My goal is obviously stream entry, but I'm wondering, is this normal during the Dark Night, to be averse to direct focus?
Its normal, that's why its not called the "cuddly white pillow night". Read up on the 3C's stage, you may be tripping thru it without realizing it.
Gerry V:
My intuition is saying it's normal, but reading up on how you should note things until they go away
Sometimes shit breaks up and sometimes it stays. Whatever is happening is what's happening, notice THAT and then note if you need the reminder to stay on task....I always used noting to keep on task during the dark night, as I had little else to help me cling to shreds of hope to move along to EQ...
Gerry V:
makes me doubt what I'm doing, even though I feel worse doing noting in general. I notice that when I note and focus on things, my life feels more stressful. When I do my letting go technique, my life is less stressful and tense.
Well, why not mix the two and play a bit? Its not all hardcore and tough it out. Play with practice, enjoy it, screw around mindfully and take notes on what works and what doesn't. Con you create stress and let go of it? back and forth? how slow? how fast? whats the ratio? Is one more "special" than the other? why? can they be blended? Where is calm at? where is stress at? same place? feel into the body, pin this down and have fun investigating.
Gerry V:
Would doing what I do lead to Stream Entry eventually? My thought is that letting things go this way maes things die down moe and more. Let go (let things be till they stop coming) of enough things for enough time and this leads to stream entry. I'm not sure about this, this is just my rationale.
Who knows? But I'd stop repressing the crappy stuff as unworthy of investigation. EVERYTHING is game for noticing, and then noting if needed.
Gerry V:
Do you think this is a good idea or are there any alternatives I can try? I'd really appeciate some input, I've just about had it with the Dark Night.
I only ever had luck powering thru but I'm extremly sticky with the miserability of the dark night and sometimes do things that might have a more elegant solution, but it worked. I always meditated as much as possible to speed up the dark night stages and this seemed to always accelerate it.
Chatting with others who have been there can help in motivation as they remind you it can be done and others have been thru it too.
Good luck,
~D
