Hi, this is my first post here! I have no idea where I am in all of this and these past 2 weeks crazy stuff has been happening in my brain and its freaking me out.. I went to a 10 day goenka retreat last year, have been practicing a little bit on and off since then, and have ramped up my practice in the past month or so due to having a lot of free time. As far as I know, I haven't crossed the A&P and if it's true that I haven't, I really don't want to! The past week has made me realize that I do not handle instability well at all and all of this probably isn't for me, but I'm worried that I already passed the point of no return

Last week I started feeling a super strong energy in my crown chakra that felt like my brain was on fire or something electric going through it. along with this came the worst anxiety of my life, panic attacks, and a LOT of fear. Pure fear that I have never experienced in my life about death and love and everything. Freaked out and went to the doctor and they just kind of looked at me like I was crazy. Started going to acupuncture which hasn't really helped much.
Anyways, the energy has since shifted in my brain. First it felt like a pinching in the middle, now i can only describe it as a knot of tension in the middle. It is bearable during the day, but anytime I close my eyes i can feel this area shooting out super powerful bursts of energy to the rest of my body. I don't know if it's a jhana thing or what because I never experienced jhana, I think it would maybe be pleasurable but I freak out when it happens so there's a lot of fear. I have never felt such a powerful sensation in my life and Its definitely a super physical knot which is why it scares me. I haven't meditated in a week because I got so much anxiety even thinking about it, but now it seems like my brain has just taken over. I am normally okay about objectively observing things but i keep thinking im damaging my brain and something is going to go wrong 
I really can't sleep at all and am super paranoid about this, doea anyone have any advice or words of wisdom?

Well it sounds like your in your first expereince of the Knowledge of Fear

• MCTB 6. Fear

If this is so, then you were already passed the A&P. No guarentees until you continue with the cycle and map it out.

Advise -  dont trust your thoughts right now. They are full of fear and everything will get all twisted by fear which will feed new thoughts that feed fear and continue in a vicious cycle. Stop thinking so much and ignore what does get thought....90% of your thinking is worthless anyway and now its turned up to 99% worthless.
Do calming activities and chill out.
~D

Powerful bursts of energy is essentially always A&P related, and, past a certain point, Dark Night stuff, aka Fear, as noted skillfully above, sets in.

You're on the path: enjoy to the degree you are able, be clear about what is going on at a sensate level, follow standard coping advice, and keep in touch with people who know this territory well and can help you through it.

Daniel

Welcome on the wheels of fate ;)

My advice:
- just grind your teeth and sit it through, this lap (sooner or later you' ll have to face it anyway, so why wait? there's another option below)
- in case of fear, agression works quite well for me. just sit your ass down and face whatever there is. Found a nice expression - go ham (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=go+ham)

Maddy,

The kind of energetic stuff you are experiencing is not uncommon. It happens to some degree or another to most meditators who are serious about their practice. Ideally, you would have a group of meditators you could talk to at this time and you could see the look in their faces when they say things like "it's just the body re-wiring itself" "it happens for a while and then it settles down" "there is no need to worry". Be gentle with yourself.

The two things that are most important:

1) Don't obsess about it. Don't obsess about the sensations and don't obsess about the thoughts. 1a) You are now experiencing the sensations that made people come up with the map of the chakras, but now you have first-hand experience of how sloppy the actual experience is. It isn't a bunch of symbolic colors and clearly defined movements (although it can be at times, no big deal), really you are feeling all your body centers readjusting. Don't make a big deal about where the sensations are, where they flow, how strong they are. It's more like a pulled hamstring healing itself. It's going to do what needs to be done and it isn't something that you directly control. 1b) Don't obsessively analyze your situation. Thinking about this doesn't matter.  A lot of times the A&P/Kundalini will inspire extreme thoughts of "I'm wounded, injured, a disaster" and "I'm so spiritual, I'm special, I've gone farther than other people" --- and frankly those can alternate back and forth. Don't work yourself into a panic or make it into a big spiritual achievement, it doesn't help. 

2) Balance the energy by being outside, going for walks, being around other people, watching movies in a theater. Let the extra energy disapate. It will still be working subtly, rewiring things, but it doen't need to be super-strong. Sometimes there can be some ego clinging, wanting to make a big deal about all the energy, wanting to make it even bigger so things go even faster and even better --- but that's all wishful thinking. The truth is a meditator needs to learn to balance things, energizing when things are on the dull/ignorance side, relaxing when things get on the intense/obsessive side. You don't need to make the sensations go away, just also allow yourself to be aware of things outside of your body. Walking in nature is usually helpful. 

You will probably need to continue to learn to balance things after this big event is over. Chances are you have a period of low energy, where you will need to recover yet continue to live your life. It's a matter of simplifying your life and continuing to do helpful things like sleeping well, eating well, exercising, meditating, and being a social human. If your life has been out of balance in the past, now is a good time on slowly improving things. 

Look at the descriptions of the nanas -- it's not unusual to have experiences of dissolution, fear, misery, disgust, desire for deliverance, and having-all-my-psychological-buttons-pressed-at-the-same-time (reobservation). See if you can see how the mind tries to protect itself by comming up with these interpretations. Whatever arises just arises, but that doesn't mean you have to buy into it. Fear is just the mind using fear as a protective mechanism. Disgust is just the mind using disgust as a protective mechanism. Learn to see the pattern and you will grow beyond these defense mechanisms. 

One last point, if you are really at your limit don't be afraid to seek professional help -- despite what you already experienced with your doctor.  Usually "spiritual emergency" hotlines are advised. I don't have experience in providing professional help or hotline recommendations, but something like this might be appropriate: http://spiritualemergence.info/   I found that by googling "spiritual emergency hotline".

Hope this helps, best wishes!

You guys are amazing, thank you so much! Im so glad I reached out about this. I took the advice to "go ham" on it and I -surpisingly- didn't die or have a hole blown through the top of my head.  

After being able to trust that I wasn't going to die I just started kind of chipping away at the sensations and trying to see them more objectively. It became obvious that the fear really was just feeding itself because there were sensations of pure terror about everything, even just my cat rubbing against my arm. Today the knot has mostly subsided, its still there slightly but I am so much more equanimous towards it. Definitely started getting some sensations of either misery or disgust but felt pretty good after plowing through the fear so its not interfering with my life.

This is all super fascinating stuff and I feel grateful that I actually have some idea about what it is, and I feel pretty okay about it now.