What was that???

Jurica Kalcina, modified 5 Years ago at 5/20/17 4:49 AM
Created 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 4:47 AM

What was that???

Posts: 10 Join Date: 4/13/17 Recent Posts
Ok. I don't know what's happening and I'm hoping someone can shed some light on it for me. I started my meditation on impermanence I focused on my breath and  as soon as I did that there was lots of flickering and dancing going on in front of me (eyes closed) it went away after a few seconds and I was kinda taken back. Anyway I began to focus again on breath and physical sensations and then moved onto thoughts and started to see things whirling around and forming, like thoughts actually being created, then thoughts that linked onto those thoughts and I just kept seeing things forming from a point and really weird shit. I was silently saying impermanence and also saying everything that is perceived or observed is non self. Not seperate or permanent. It is just another sensation arising and passing away. But really strange imagery started coming up and I started to manipulate the images and kinda play with them as an observer. I think I kinda got lost in them, I don't know, can someone relate??

jure
Derek2, modified 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 7:22 AM
Created 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 7:22 AM

RE: What was that???

Posts: 198 Join Date: 9/21/16 Recent Posts
Any history of recreational drug use or mood disorders?
Jurica Kalcina, modified 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 6:41 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 6:41 PM

RE: What was that???

Posts: 10 Join Date: 4/13/17 Recent Posts
Hi Derek I probably should have kept this in the same thread. Here is my original one https://www.dharmaoverground.org/discussion/-/message_boards/message/6145718

No psychedelics of the sort no. Weed and alcohol yes. The alcohol got me in trouble quite a bit in the past and found myself in a lot of fights. One fight in particular changed everything, I was knocked unconscious and had to go hospital. After that I experienced an obsessive compulsive thought pattern which took me at least 5 years to be able to control and understand. So i don't know if I have had a mood disorder but I was very much in the dumps for a long time the obsessive compulsive thought pattern is the anxiety I was referring to in my other thread. Thanks Derek for your time, much appreciated.

could have it been an a/p event what I'm describing? 
Derek2, modified 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 7:49 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 7:49 PM

RE: What was that???

Posts: 198 Join Date: 9/21/16 Recent Posts
Mood disorders are things such as anxiety and depression, which fits your description. We don't know what damage being knocked unconscious did, but given that it was followed by five years of OCD, it's reasonable to assume being knocked out is a possible cause of the strange images you experience in meditation. The substances you've used may also play a part.
Jurica Kalcina, modified 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 8:32 PM
Created 5 Years ago at 5/18/17 8:32 PM

RE: What was that???

Posts: 10 Join Date: 4/13/17 Recent Posts
Ok cool. As a basis for insight meditation though I should just see this as a sensation that arises and not get caught up in what it all was. I was just taken back when I saw thoughts arising from a point, is this the point of impermanence, is this what you look for in meditating impermanence? 
Jurica Kalcina, modified 5 Years ago at 5/19/17 3:16 AM
Created 5 Years ago at 5/19/17 3:16 AM

RE: What was that???

Posts: 10 Join Date: 4/13/17 Recent Posts
I follow my breath, try to perceive each moment of breath I then move onto physical sensations arising byscanning my body. So I note a tingle here and itch there. I also try to feel my left or right foot to see when I perceive it and when I don't. I notice an oscillation there when I feel the foot and when I perceive the feeling but I can't stay with it, as in it doesn't reach maximum speed, It reaches a point and gets all jumbled I then might move back to breath. Then I notice thoughts and really dig deep on thoughts. I don't notice the breath anymore and I really don't even notice my body anymore at this point. I just see mental images arise and pass away but last night when I did this it was quite intense. I get to a stage where I see a thought forming but sometimes it goes back in but other times it's something I can understand comes out like an image or something. Other times there's like a image that looks like images on a slot machine changing really quickly...
one time I had an intense moment where things oscillated really violently I felt it go from my head to my eyes, I had to open my eyes because i felt like it shook me up, quite violent. 
What I would like to know is if other people can relate to this? What does it all mean in terms of insight meditation? Am I getting anywhere & am I doing the correct things? Is there something I've said in my experience that someone thinks I should focus more on? 
I read the hardcore dharma book but in terms of jhanas I don't know what I am experiencing. I don't understand the vibrations that he talks about, I feel oscillations but vibrations?? Lots of questions I know, I'm confused!!