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Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/9/17 8:22 AM
RE: Loss of self tom moylan 7/10/17 8:28 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/10/17 1:54 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/10/17 2:09 PM
RE: Loss of self neko 7/11/17 3:24 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/11/17 8:13 AM
RE: Loss of self Ward Law 7/11/17 8:37 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/11/17 10:36 AM
RE: Loss of self neko 7/11/17 9:06 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/11/17 3:56 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/12/17 3:51 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/15/17 9:36 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/26/17 5:20 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/1/17 5:21 AM
RE: Loss of self Lars 8/1/17 10:02 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/3/17 1:02 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/3/17 1:23 AM
RE: Loss of self JP 8/3/17 8:50 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/3/17 4:30 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/3/17 4:45 PM
RE: Loss of self shargrol 8/3/17 8:05 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/4/17 12:45 PM
RE: Loss of self Ward Law 8/4/17 1:09 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/6/17 11:18 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/7/17 1:11 AM
RE: Loss of self junglist 8/10/17 3:13 AM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 8/11/17 2:09 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/11/17 4:13 PM
RE: Loss of self Doctor Avocado 7/11/17 12:19 PM
RE: Loss of self Srdjan Slobodan Laketa 7/11/17 3:43 PM
Loss of self
Answer
7/9/17 8:22 AM
Had a lot of negative states in life so wanted to try meditation.I began meditating in November 2016, i liked it so much that i meditated for weeks straight and all trauma and pain and fear resurfaced. I practiced absorbing repressed emotions(first scan body for tension look at tension after a while emotion will surface and then just make emotion object of meditation and it absorbs in you giving you its energy and you go deeper in trance). This way i could meditate for whole days with no problem because you gain power and concentration from absorbing. In January 15 i had partial kundalini awakening. In the same session i had telepathic experience. Then came the siddhis(thought i was losing it so i checked and it was true spiritual exp) In march however began troubles. I noticed that after i talk to someone i take his emotions as my own(all my life this happened but i would recuperate after a while and it was not this severe. Now i take represed emotions and their defence mechanism. I noticed that they latch to my own fears or weakneses. I could disolve this with meditation(some harder some easier deppending on inividual) and in begining it was even good cos it showed me where i have problem,however after talking to some people about practice i saw that i take their problems which affect practice(mainly represion mechanisms due to my proneness to repression). Probems became severe after a while. I now know that i take these things cos of fear of not being accepted, guilt, fear of being myself etc and they stay where they are because of guilt. However i cant reach and dissolve or absorb these things because for 3 months now i cant meditate cos i go in other person *medittion* topor induced half dream state after which i feel like him(after talking tohim he told me how he meditates andday after that when i was relaxing i went into halfdream state). I tried to disolve this but it got steadily worse last 3 months. Now i feel like him at all times, if i relax just a litle i go in his topor. If i dont jump out of bed when i wake up i go in his topor. Even when i concentrate i can feel his dullnes producing in top of my head after which his defence mechanisms kick in. How to snap out of this. Im in his depression now. If you need any clarification about any of this ask away. I analysed this state and know exact problem but cant seem to eradicate this on my own. I can explain in detail mechanism if you need me to. 

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/10/17 8:28 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
howdy,
you mention a lot and are making statements that make little sense to me. I've not been following this forum closely for a while so perhaps you have described your practice before but doing so in this thread might help you get som opinions.

if you are being influenced by other peoples emotions YOU are doing that.  it is not an automatic process that you have no control over.  when you are having strong emotions those are YOUR emotions and you have to take control of them or at least try to objectively see them for what they are.

what is your practice?  vipassana?  I would guess not or you would be already objectifiying these phenomena as they arise and then moving on to whatever arises next.

there are differening phases of practice where one is sharper or duller, calmer or more agitated and these are described very well in  Daniels book and in the "stages of insight" in general.  can you identify with any of those terms?

peace

tom

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/10/17 1:54 PM as a reply to tom moylan.
Several things. Before i began meditating i couldnt sleep for a month. I was in hypervigilant state. Also had psyhopatic tendencies. Before last betrayal and before i went from my house(if i stayed bit more i would hurt somebody) i had mild bpd.  I had interesting childhood to say the least. When i began i didnt even think about meditation or read about it. I just concetrated on my breath. After i concetrated for a while i could feel every stop that my breath makes, every *curve* way it goes and i didnt need to concentrate at all i could just stay in that state for as long as i like and it was really nice state for me, brain chat stoped even after, my breathing after was really slow, almost invisible. I could feel emotion energy dissolving. I had help because i never acted on emotions. I simply didnt feel them cos i learned to live with horror and kinda ignored it. I was tense because of this, cos i represed all of it. This in a way helped me cos i didnt have any hurdles. So when these emotions surfaced i took oshos advice and just looked at them until they began disolving. When i learned tehnique for absorbing them i was really curius. So after that i learned i can uncover whole chain that produced emtional responce. Like jealousy stems from want for affection, that form some kinda fear etc. This way i disolve my own emotions. After a while i beggan noticing that i can disolve in this way others emotions. So i did that and re-traumatized myself in a way. Worst were people that meditated wrong daydremed, torpored etc, and this latched into me and for 3 months i cant mediate because their defence mechanisms work and fear runs away(most of these are based on fear of fear itself). How to return to normal practice. Now their mechanism of avoidance work in my daily life. How to cease this, should i meditate more, or less, or in different way or what.

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/10/17 2:09 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
This is my fault alone. I do this all my life. I take other emotions and interalize them cos of lack of empathic boundaries steming form abuse. This is mecahnism that works because of some form of guilt. Read something before you call preson crazy.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25422978

By meditation i am more aware of this and can diferentiate better betwen emotions. Next time you call somebody mad read what he wrote. This should be enlightened forum. What right you have to talk like this? Im thinking you are experienced meditator who didnt have any type of exp similar and you think yourself entitled to call out random people. Eng is not my native language and im tired so please excuse bad grammar.

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 3:24 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Hey Srdjan, welcome to the forum emoticon 

knowing Pawel from this forum, I can say this much: He is an experienced and also quite creative meditator. He has done some advanced crazy shit in terms of practices, and he is very open minded in terms of what the mind can achieve. If he told me that I am going off the deep end, I'd take his opinion very seriously ;)

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 8:13 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Did you read article? Do you understand what im talking about? If you are that advanced and creative you surelly had something similar. By sidhis i meant these experiences: I could send mesages with my mind. Girl that liked me had sex with a guy and during meditation practice i felt like i was in her body, i could say how she layed, at what pace it went, how she felt. When i was clean i could sense how anybody of my friends felt on distance without talking to him or anything. I checked this. I internalize empathy, that means i feel like other person after talking to them. I noticed i can meditate on this and it was interesting to see how people other people feel. After i talked about practice i took emotional problems that affect practice. 

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 8:37 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
What would happen if you found someone to hang out with that has the qualities you seek to develop? That is, an accomplished meditator who has a well-balanced life etc.? Would you take on those qualities?

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 9:06 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Srdjan Slobodan Laketa:
If you are that advanced and creative you surelly had something similar. 


Also a lot of people having psychotic episodes think they experience something like that. A friend of mine thought he had that kind of superpowers. Facts indicated otherwise.

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 10:36 AM as a reply to Ward Law.
I dont know. Depends. If hes open yes.  I can emulate osho but hes a bit negative. Before meditation this would last some time and after a while it would stop. More i cleaned myself, more i seemed to be able to take in and longer would effect linger. I identified why this takes place, fear of not being loved, after that came the lesser want for affection, but emotions stay because of guilt. Now i toned down effects by talking to my inner self. But as soon as i try meditating in any way there are problems. I cant enter state of absorbtion cos as soon as i would be close this guys torpor would set in. For 3 months is like this. Him and mothers jumping attention are main problem. Also sister has kind of disociative way of represing anger so theres this. I took these defence mechanisms due to me being fearfull of emotions. I retraumatized myself when repressed things surfaced in a way. So in order for something to be taken i have to have little bit of the same. 

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 12:19 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
From your posts in this thread, there seems to be:
  • a lot disordered thinking
  • lack of clarity between observation and interpretation of experience
  • projection of your own mental states onto others

Most of the suffering created by these issues would be best addressed at the level of psychotherapy, rather than meditation (especially not intensive insight meditation). 


You have received some good advice here. Some of it may sound harsh or dismissive, but this a forum dedicated to insight meditation. A fundamental premise is that you must take responsibility for your own sensations, emotions and mental states.


If you don't do this, then your suffering will always seem to be determined externally and there will be no logical path out of suffering, which is the whole goal of this practise. 


For you, I think practising intensely before before addressing the issues above is likely to worsen things rather than improve them. 


- Dr Avocado

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 3:43 PM as a reply to Doctor Avocado.
Have you even read what i posted about internalizing empathy? Do you understand what im saying? Hypervigilant state gave me concentration needed to go straight away in absorbtion. When this state subsided and after i removed big problems, minor ones began emergeing, i began feeling them. My brain is fried cos i trained it by mistake to go in halfdream state instead in concentration, meditation. In this helped me energy i took from my friend. Part about projecting my mental state on others i dont understand at all? What you meant?

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 3:56 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Ok so you can understand what i wrote. Enter this perception and tell me whats wrong. After i talked about meditation with my friend , i later went in his state of torpor, half dream state induced by his energy. Now i function as him. I cant concetrate at all. Cant focus. Cant meditate. I even sleep like him my body goes in his posture during meditation. Or others. My mind produces his core energy. Do you see what im talking about. It seems meditation made my mind really pliable. Read what i wrote, enter that stream or whatever, then call me hypochondriac. I go in his state during meditation, whats worst i dont even know i did this i just *wake* in few hours or so. His dullnes just comes and its like falling in sleep after being really tired diference being i meditate whole time. Now in day to day basis my body folows his methods of functioning and i have his defence mechanism for fear and when i concentrate on fear it wont disolve it just goes in lower back. Try and analyse what i wrote and then tell me whats what  if itsso easy to you. 

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/11/17 4:13 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Paweł K:
as stream enterer name suggest I can 'enter' streams of experience including mirror images of other people perceptions/emotions that my mind creates in response to exposure to them, even their written words, especially when they write something when actively think about their own perception so I know this thing

but then again I can visualize jhana in eg. my hand and experience that or experience chakra or whatever shit I want. Being skilled at visualization and knowing what 'concentration' even mean and being able to use it properly it take me few moments to do these things and I can as much experience others as not experience them and experience something else or even nothing at all. It's really just imagining something and experiencing it or noticing that mind already have some awesome experience somewhere and experience it, like using remote control on your TV. It also put all the things people say about permanent perception changes and ultimate mind states into proper percpective ^_^

you try to fix something about place of mind you use as seed for reference for awareness that does not even need fixing. Physical neurons in your brain get tired because those are for the fuck sake living being and you cannot use them for too long before they start to feel bad, then really bad and then you feel pathetic. All you need to do is to not use them and use some other part of mind. What do you want to dissolve there? You are torturing living being in your body, nothing else.

Buddha rightly pointed out that enlightened will be the ones who know how their minds work... or somethign like that
so next time you meditate let it be investigation how your body and mind work instead of wasting time on repeating some stupid 'methods'. 3rd fetter is about clinging to meditative methods as much as to rituals. What are you expecting to get here? some more methods? it is all useless! For your own sake give this some serious thought

ps. when you have this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypochondriasis do not read about mental issues XD

edit://
as for siddhis I have some of these too, some of which pretty crazy XD
best protocol is to ignore if you cannot find rational explanation and if you can use rational explanation
reality will always agree on rational explanation if you can find one

Rational explanation is this. I always was on atack mode at home. Outside, especialy last year i was in a lot of stress. I didnt have empathy cos i was afraid of everybody and agressive towards everyone, cept friends. Full of hatred and bad things. So i dissolved these bad things.
After this life was joy. But i wanted more, i was interested and wanted to see just how much can i do. My concentration was strong enough i could enter staright away in absorbtion. My mind had concentration practice but not enough broad awarenes. So cos of lack of broad awarenes i couldnt notice that i went in halfdream state. I would notice after 3 or so hours. This happened in deep absorbtion and conditioned my mind to go in that state whenever posible, and in order to go there it had to mimic this guy. So now i mimic him all time. That and other things destroyed my practice. I produce his misery, all the time i can even feel it on top of my head. I dont know how to decondition thats the problem.  Im asking you how to cure this. My idea was if i could go in deep state of absorbtion and dissolve his energy i wouldnt go in his torpor anymore. 

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/12/17 3:51 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Im aware that these emotion can only latch to something i already have, but smaller and weaker. I know this. If i didnt have same thing they would release on their own. Problem is older people lived with this whole life and these things are hard as fuck to dissolve. Example would be fear of fear, as soon as i pinpoint fear that makes emotion of all other fears to *run away* in specific muscles in back, it just goes in the same place, i cant isolate it so i can dissolve it(i need to concetrate on it). My only regret is i dissolved love from my family that resided in tension in front of my throat and after thismy energy levels went to shit. And in meantime this thing drains me.. Boredom that stems from being sick from himself (regret)cos he fucked u his life.. This latched to my own regret, but i can dissolve my regret with ease and his isnt clear, as soon as i concetrate on it, new wave produces in place on top of my forhead and strong dullnes sets in. This happens and i go in torpor, or halfdream, or dream state depending how deep i went before and i dont even notice. I understand how these emotions work, but now meditation is suffering. All cos i felt sorry for his ass and cos i think im greatness i took his emotion. I did this whole my life, with mother, with friend with ones i love.. I just want really bad tohelp them and i feel like shit after, i didnt know before what it was but now i know.. Every time i enter this torpor it gets stronger and harder to dissolve. Same with everything... Can you boost your on resilince with metta, same as love from people gave you strenght? I reasoned that it also gives you some bad things, but i misjudged , also i now know that i did it cos of anger that stemed from fear of being left alone, all my life i had this notion that you must do everything on your own without any help from anybody... Also reason i dont feel like normal persons is cos im in a way scared of empathy cos of negative feeling i got home(daily abuse, beatings, isolation, starving, etc)... I know all of this and cant ener deep meditative absobtion to dissolve these negative energies...  You seem like you know yourshit, what to do, whats your advice? I cured psyhopathy, bpd, psoriasis, depression, now i have this dissocation thing cos i scarred my essence from body with too much repressed emotions.. 

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/15/17 9:36 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
I do something similar, now if i get any sensation i try to make it positive, after all its just energy, and we can transmute it at will, if resolve is strong enough, if dont doubt. My mind is my mind, after i saw what strange  things fear and other strong emotions can do to it, how adaptations function in different people, i think if you wish something really bad, your mind will start trying to find a way to it..Core of this  thing i have is also some kind of repressed fear, same thing with anger, its just negative fear... So you have mechanism in you, just need to train it... Same as with access concetration really...  In order to be sane, you have to have some energy i fucntion on anger and now when i disssolved it, i have to build up love, or something.. I dont like delussions, they also work but hurt you in long run.. Tis merely logical that you can also do this, but strongly, i learned how to amplify emotions and when they are big enough they turn into opposite but you have o build up mental strenght, try that instead of delusions, i got a feeling you could do it..
All these things are logical, they do have scientiffic explanation, maybe not about proccesing these things, but cause and effect is pretty explored in all comunities dedicated to science of mind, be it psychology or sociology or religion, etc.. To me best part about this is how all of these things with time integrate with their counterparts in other practices..

RE: Loss of self
Answer
7/26/17 5:20 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
I found out that studying clears my mind. I have only one thing now that i want to know, can this thing i have be reversed can it be healed. For last 2 months im in depression and this shit i took fro  this guy fucks me up. Exercise is great but only if its dynamic. Running, punching, fucking etc.. If you do slow exercises do them in a way you can empty yourself. I want abilities i had at the beggining.. I will question how my mind works and things... But fuck whole fucking world is against me i think. 

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/1/17 5:21 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Well i conclude i made a grave mistake when i switched from breath concentration to emotion concentration. Only thing i shoulda done different i just needed to watch my breath and whatever arrises i should dissolve. I think in this way things would go in order. This way i would go one emotion at the time and wouldnt disturb my inner engeneering. Also i shoulda isolate myself for a month or so. I would attain enlightement in 3 months this way. I entered state of absorption on my first try of meditation.I was extatic and full of energy and optimism for a month or so and then my practice suffered cos i let others affected it. Now i cant meditate at all, cant enter deep state, cant sleep, daydream, cant concentrate, battling criplin depression, my atention jumps like i have adhd, i mimic others in every way, im tired all the time and have spine problems... Well curiosity indeed killed a cat.. Biggest problem is i think that i come from completely different state of mind than your average man.. Here in Serbia, well. I cant even begint to explain. Lets just say traditional upbringing aims to prepare you for war and suffering. Statistic says every 20 years here is a war. This breeds strange things..

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/1/17 10:02 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Srdjan Slobodan Laketa:
Also i shoulda isolate myself for a month or so. I would attain enlightement in 3 months this way.

I'm in no position to give advice, but perhaps this quote from an old zen story might help. From "The Taste of Banzo's Sword":

"I am willing to pass
through any hardship if only you will teach me. If I become your devoted
servant, how long might it be?"

"Oh, maybe ten years," Banzo relented.

"My father is getting old, and soon I must take care of him," continued
Matajuro. "If I work far more intensively, how long would it take me?"

"Oh, maybe thirty years," said Banzo.

"Why is that?" asked Matajuro. "First you say ten and now thirty years.
I will undergo any hardship to master this art in the shortest time!"

"Well," said Banzo, "in that case you will have to remain with me for
seventy years. A man in such a hurry as you are to get results seldom
learns quickly."


Full Text: http://www.ashidakim.com/zenkoans/91thetasteofbanzossword.html

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/3/17 1:02 AM as a reply to Lars.
Yes i know this story. My problems are result of broken empathy mechanism. I dissolved love implanted on me, after this i lost all resilience. Meditation can be bad for you. I tried to empty myself, but as soon as i emptied from my emotions, mechanism that was never activated, where you mimic parents and other around you activated and i took several defrnce mechanisms for emotions. This hinders my practice severly. I could enter state of effortless concetration at will, had acces concetration in few days since beggining, needed couple of seconds to dissolve any emotion, could manipulate with emotions, transmute them, feed on them, absorb them... Now i cant do anything like that. Simply i lost lot of good things with meditation. Now people can also manipulate me easily... Implant anything they want.

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/3/17 1:23 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Well i didnt plan it, i stumbled on meditation by acident. I just view my past progress and can say without a doubt that its possible. I could meditate for whole days without brake from the start. Now im contaminated. I had something special. I lost it. If i could meditate for whole day, enter state where all ceases, just nothingness remains and now cant even follow breath and concetrate for a more than half an hour... I mimic others like you mimiced parents, and take fro  them what my subconcius deems worthy, this is cos i never had empathy with parents cos i was in war with them. I will not laugh cos i dont know how much more can i take. Meditation weakened me. Whole point of it is liberation and im slave to others emotions now. Also cant enter deep state anymore...

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/3/17 8:50 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
I have a suggestion, even though I think that your first priority should be starting to work with a therapist on this.  Have you tried watching a bunch of videos of various advanced meditators to see if you can pick up on their attitudes on meditation?  There's a ton of videos by Culadasa, Shinzen Young, etc. that you could watch, and maybe you'll pick up on some of their inner peace, tranquility, and clarity. Obviously take it gently and don't try to force anything, but maybe it's worth giving yourself a chance to welcome these better attitudes instead of your current adopted defense mechanisms.  As you make progress, I'd still encourage you to try to view this simply a psychological mechanism rather than a siddhi, and also to look around for a therapist that you can trust to work on this with.

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/3/17 4:30 PM as a reply to JP.
There seems to be misunderstanding, i know that me mimicing other persons is psyhological mechanism, there are variety of factors here-need to be accepted, loved, dissolving my own deffence mechanism that stemed from fear of other people, problem is i cant acces deep meditation to dissolve these things, when i beggin meditating i go in this mans meditation and his mechanism of dealing with emotions work rather than mine. This and loss of energy i had in beggining that stemed from love that was imprinted on me by people which i dissolved... Sidhis i refer to happened after deep meditation. These are result of intense practice and involve higher than normal empathy, some kind of telepathy and highened gut feeling.. In deep meditation after you slow things down and look at the emotions you can kinda feel moment when said emotion was made if moment was enough traumatic, or if person is open, or if its emotional person it depends.. I veiwed this problem from many different perspectives i just cant seem to get in deep meditation again, cos of this lack of energy,.. Also yes i can emulate these people theirstate can transfer to me, only problem is i think this is not healhy for me...

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/3/17 4:45 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
One of my biggest mistakes is talking about practice, next one would be dissolution of love imprinted in me(this i think is biggest one after this i lost will). People shape their realities by repressed emotions, or karma or whatever, i take this emotions and can later gain insight in how they work, feel, live, even think... Now problem is after talking about practice this mechanism of taking others energy mirrored on emotion storage or work.. These are not sidhis this is result of bad upbringing. Diminished boundaries, bad sense of self(i dissolved some things  that made me lke i am.,

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/3/17 8:05 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Well said Sid!

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/4/17 12:45 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Ok. So this meditation i did. Its like this, you first do samatha and when something arises you concentrate on it and in time it dissolves leaving you with energy. If emotion taht arises is strong then you need effort to dissolve it, but it leaves you with more energy. After each dissolution you feel waves of energy and good feeling coursing through your body and you go deeper in meditation, you even see a change in perception to better. Your concetration after a while becomes effortless. Some energy feels good to me some not. It depends on person. Some persons have energy thats easy to dissolve, some have energy thats terrible to dissolve. When i started, i learned to dissolve my energy and it was easy. Then others energy started disrupting practice. So you need effort to dissolve it, concetration and willpower. Now when i concentrate i just produce energy of this mine fried and i get in his torpor. My question is how to dissolve this? In beggining i just concetrated on breath. When emotion arises i just ignored it and watched breath. I could watch breath ass long as i like and i would beggin having visual halucinations, like when you dont sleep for several days. This was boring and i wanted to see how emotions work.  After a while emotion would dissolve and i would see mental images of things that produced it in first place. Its simple, try it. When emotion arrises you just make it object of meditation watch it attentively and after a while it should dissolve. After this it should reveal chain of other emotions that produce it. Example would be lot of love. Behind love in people who had abuse, theres anger, hatred, fear and a lot of other things. I dissolved a lot of things, positive emotions are easiest. I could even, if person interests me see their *chains* of emtions instead of normal empathy. Its not control. Its just being aware of emotions energy, and you can move them wherever you want. Key thing here is not feeling them but watching them.. And this type of meditation cured me from psyhopathy, bpd, depression, adhd, and lot of other things. When you dissolve whole chain of emotions, it never risses again and you dont have problem. Some people have anxieties these are the worst. They reside in muscle tensions. You can look at these tensions and emotion will come pouring out as you relax tension. After this there will be no more anxiety, although this type of meditation will leave you bit traumatized, cos in order to dissolve this type of feeling you need to relive trauma that caused it.

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/4/17 1:09 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Srdjan Slobodan Laketa:
Now when i concentrate i just produce energy of this mine fried and i get in his torpor. My question is how to dissolve this?

May I suggest that you start by detaching from the story of how this happened so you can be more open to the present-oriented advice you're being given here. However "his torpor" affected you, it is now "your" torpor.

Isn't this the same as what we commonly call strong dullness? If so, there are a lot of us who have been, and still are, struggling with dullness; and there is a lot of info out there on how to deal with it.

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/6/17 11:18 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Well. In order to dissolve these things i need to be in deep meditation. Like i need at least 30 minutes to enter this state. And i need several hours to dissolve bad ones. Also i need to see them clearly. This is posible only when your deep in meditation. As for enlightened ones yes, i tried this it work to some extent, i can mimic their meditation but to dissolve something i need to be near them in order for energy to pas on me. What do you mean with breaking math?

RE: Loss of self
Answer
8/7/17 1:11 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
You are enlightened right? How to fix this? Shit lasts for months now. I dont really get what your saying, how there can be space there? If i understan good i need to produce oposite to null this. In beggining i could transmute feelings, so theres that.. I think i made mistake shen i took meditation. But now i dont have choise i must go to thd end. My thought procces was this, if i get deep enough in meditation i will dissolve this...

RE: Loss of self
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8/10/17 3:13 AM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Wow, I think it's amazing that you're making efforts like this now, after all you've been through. Whatever terrible things you might very understandably feel like doing, from reading what you've written it sounds to me like you really have an unimaginable amount of strength to overcome all manner of things. I truly impressed by your good intentions in the midst of all the madness, and wish you the very best in all your endeavours.

RE: Loss of self
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8/11/17 2:09 PM as a reply to Srdjan Slobodan Laketa.
Got it already... Well now its pretty clear what i did. I eradicated terror and with it defence mechanism. Other, long buried fears, and mechanisms with them surfaced and beggan making problems. This coupled with loss of energy and me losing sense of self cos of weakened ego produced this thing im in. This really are not my problems and emotions... I thought that if i eradicate every chain of emotion or karma i will become better version of myself and when i saw how good i am in dissolving these things i fucked myself up. Part is i never mimiced parents so this mechanism arose, part is i wanted to see how other see world, part is i like to torture myself and others. Well i know how emotions and fears work. But how to empty this and continue to practice still remains to be seen.. Also why when i concentrate my vision gets distorted? I seem to use willpower to meditate instead of just watching..