Hi,

I would like to introduce myself, since the DhO community has recently became a substantial part of my life and I'm very grateful for that.

Originally from Russia, 34 y.o., currently live in Stockholm, Sweden (moved because of a job contract with Microsoft as a software engineer) with my family of a wife and (already) 3 kids. Now self employed, passionate hitch-hilker, psychonaut and fluent Esperanto speaker in the past.

Have found Buddhism back in 2004, at the same time tried different esoteric stuff but didn't practice consistently, then for the 10 years 2006-2016 (oh, shit!) the area of interest was mainly Kabbalah, namely its HaSulam method by the right books but beeing feeded by wrong explanations which, as I realised later and that leaded to a blind end in the practice.

Got interested in pragmatic Dharma and secular Buddhism this summer and started practicing seriously about 1.5 months ago, currently doing two 1 hour sits (one in the morning, one in the evening) a day combining with a walking meditation, loving-kindness once a week. Planning to go for a 1 week retreat next spring.

Tried to read Shinzen and MCTB, then sticked to The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa since I found the explanations there most relevant to me.

The plan was to stay on my own for the practice until reaching states which I would consider as "serious" but lately there came an understanding that the progress could be much faster if I would have a possibility of a consistent contact with someone who is really into it. "Consistent contact" could be a Facebook chat, or even maybe Skype call once a month or so?

So, dear DhO practitioners, can someone of you be my Dharma buddy, or can you recommend someone?

Many thanks,
Konstantin

Hi Konstantin!

I do not think progress is made by 'consistent contact' with an enlightened one, otherwise we would have many enlightened spouses around here... Are there even any? :p

Why don't you start a journal or simply ask here when you need help? I'll surely reply/contribute as your dharma buddy when I see them! 

Much Metta....

Actually I think a spouse later getting enlightened is surprisingly common. I've both read and met a lot of cases where it happened

Some kind of resonance... or push towards spiritual practise... or factors that caused them to be together in the first place... who knows? But the air is certainly palpable around some beings 

It isnt a spiritual thing.  Enlightened people are just happy because they know there is nothing wrong.  Being around happy people makes you happy, everyone knows that.  

Think of enlightenment as deprogramming your mind.  You live in Boston and are a die hard celtics fan and now you want to make the celtics have absolutely no meaning to you at all.  That is effectively what we are up to. 

It helps if you have a friend who doesnt give a shit about the celtics. 

Evidence?

I think that if the spouse has strong intentions and a humble trusting mindset, then it can really helps with guidance. Ie. Avoiding pitfalls, teaching conventional knowledge, offering inspiration. Any actual progress in insight is still dependant on the same conditions as anybody else however.

I believe that the issue lies at what level such intentions are held. People may think they are dedicated, when behind the scenes there is little intention to progress, mixed with the desire to stay on a 'level' with his or her spouse, giving the appearance of a broad interest.

It could be quite easy to put an over emphasis on the importance of collaboration, and without the more formal system of Teacher and Student, this can easily become overlooked leading to complications later on.

In my local sangha there are multiple cases of partners becoming highly interested in the dharma after their counterparts started up.  This isn't the case of "getting enlightened", but does show evidence of some pattern of traction.

Teachers

Ron Crouch 
Dhammarato 
Shinzen Young 
Alan Chapman 
Kenneth Folk 
Emily & Vince Horn
Hokai Sobol
Tucker Peck

copied from my blog 

hi konstantin


im a begginer also and would love to chat with someone once a month, just to check in with what´s happening
and get some guidance.

 i can really really relate to  what your feeling,