Daniel M. Ingram:
Recently listened to Dharma Punx and very much appreciated it. One of the practices Noah went through that he seemed to get a lot out of was righting old wrongs to everyone he had hurt over the years that he could find. It is an inspiring story.
In my practise the last year or so, lots of things have come up where I realized i'd acted improperly in the past and caused hurt or conflict. There have been some apologies and "making right", but for the most part it seems better to just focus on how I behave from moment to moment. My main concerns with this are:
1) Apologies etc don't mean much if you continue to act improperly, so focusing on proper behaviour right now seems more useful (i'm reminded of Saints and Psychopaths, where some people apologize and ask for a "reset" every few months, but continue to act badly)
2) Dredging up past hurts/wrongs can often just reignite those tensions
3) If you honestly have changed your views and behaviour, people will see the "new you" and will likely forgive your past actions as best they can
As an example, i'm currently communicating with a family member I previously had major conflict with. There were some apologies earlier for specific things, but my focus is just being as open and kind with them as possible NOW, and it seems to be working really well. We haven't gotten along like we do now since I was a little kid, and I can't complain (and she's made similar statements).
Still, your comments gave me something to consider. I know 12 step programs use this method, but i've always been somewhat wary of that for the reasons stated above.
