Forum: Dharma Overground Discussion Forum

Can someone point me to some precise, technical, contemporary, authentic tonglen or metta instructions? On the internet is great; a real book is fine, too. For tonglen, I have Pema's, Trungpa's, and Kyabgon's, but they don't seem to be fitting me quite right. (Traleg Kyabgon's is the best of them--see The Practice of Lojong.) I haven't dug up any metta instructions for a while, so I'm a bit rusty on judging them.

I'm starting to "existentially ache" just a bit, so I figured I might add an emotional practice to my repertoire. I am perpetually VERY suspicious that any emotional issues are more likely due to relative causes. In fact, over the past five years, 99.999999% of what I thought was "spiritual pain" turned out to be "just" relative/samsara/normal issues which had to be dealt with in relative-land. Even so, I figured it won't hurt to maybe add a little emotional work on the absolute side too. (On the relative side, I apply CBT--see David Burn's "When Panic Attacks", great book, terrible title--to just about everything. I'm treating it as a mastery practice. I've probably put in over thirty hours so far, and it's had more effect on my personal suffering than anything I've ever done. Ken Wilber's 3-2-1 shadow work has been really helpful too.)

***Anyway, just to be clear, I keep very hard edges: when I meditate, I follow the instructions and just meditate. Outside of meditation, I work on my life from lots of different angles.***

Concentration and insight are coming along. I'll post a real update when I've put in maybe five to 30 more hours.

P.S. I know it's a vast and personal territory, and I don't want to open a can of worms, but any thoughts or experiences on dealing with daily emotion as it relates to a steady meditation practice would be interesting and possibly helpful.

You could buy any book by Sharon Salzburg, or visit:

http://www.wildmind.org/metta/introduction

Hi Mark,

I would echo cmarti's suggestion of checking out Sharon Salzberg's work. Her book loving-kindness is probably as good as it gets for clear metta instructions.

One thing I would also add is that my experience with "spiritual pain" has been that it actually accounts for a great deal more than one imagines, especially in the dark night. It's very very difficult to judge what are relative world issues and what aren't from the perspective of the dark night. In addition, I've found that many pratitioners don't know that they are in the dark night which compounds the issue greatly.

There seems to be a very real danger of trying to fix one's relative life, and putting much of one's time and energy into that direction, when the real issues have to do with existential angst caused by a growing perception of the fundamental suffering of duality, i.e. the dark night. And even when one knows they are in the dark night it's hard not to try and project this pain out onto the relative world and then try and fix it through relative means (which will never, ever be able to). Believe me, I've tried!!!

That being said, I'm %100 with you on the usefulness of working on the relative vehicle, on doing shadow work (as w/ KW's 3-2-1 and other methodologies) and there is so much be said for becoming a better human being.

Also, with regards to metta practice, I actually see that as a relative practice too (not an insight practice). It does have an impact on samadhi, but I wouldn't--if using an absolute vs. relative model--categorize it as an absolute (or insight) practice, though it can certainly help in certain indirect ways.

Best of luck with your practice, and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this issue. It's an extremely important one.

>> it's hard not to try and project this pain out onto the relative world and then try and fix it through relative means (which will never, ever be able to)

Thanks for the heads up and reminder. I'll try very, very hard to keep this in mind. As one who arranges and rearranges my life constantly already, I really need to keep an eye on this. I see this point is made strongly in Daniel's book, too.

With respect to your saying that metta is a relative practice, I may be misunderstanding the usage of absolute and relative. I use relative to mean "engaging in meaning, content, specifics, and moving parts". I use absolute to mean "fundamentally transforming one's relationship with everything, without engaging in meaning, content, specifics, and moving parts". My understanding is that metta (or tonglen) does fundamentally alter one's relationship with the world/suffering in certain ways, at high levels of practice. But, as I write this, I would agree that it's a totally different ballgame than insight practices. Anyway, that's where I'm coming from, but I may be misusing terminology and concepts.

Also, with respect to working on the relative vehicle, I didn't make this clear in my previous post, but I often frame "working on myself" in terms of how it serves my meditation practice. Exercise, flexibility, healthy food, emotional work, healthy relationships, a good job, etc., makes meditation more palatable and likely effective. Of course, none of these things should get in the way of regular meditation practice in the long term, and, relatedly, I'm always wary of what Trungpa terms "spiritual materialism"--making meditation just another item on the ego-propping, personal transformation laundry list.

Hi Mark,

Good stuff! Yeah, I suppose we may be using absolute and relative in different ways. When I think "absolute" I think fundamental insight into the non-dual nature of reality, of the dissolution of the center-point, and of the direct perception of emptiness. The thing with metta, even using your definition, is that it is actively engaged at the level of content. Visualizing another person and wishing them well, is a content-based practice. But then so is noting to a certain degree, as are other visualization practices, and so there really doesn't appear to be a clear line between these divisions, though I guess I would put metta closer toward the relative side than most vipassana practices, though as you say it can have an impact on one's relationship to suffering.

Your point about working on yourself in service to meditation practice is a good one. That's how I tried to approach self-actualization as well, as seeing it in service of self-transcendence. I've found, as I have started to realize what I set out to find out through meditation, that my motivation for engaging in self-development work has changed a lot. I could say a lot about that, but I'm not sure how much has to do with the unfolding of the path and how much is just my own personal stuff. In any case, it's an interesting process!

Author: AlanChapman

Hello mark,

I think it’s important to question why you want to take up metta or tonglen in this instance. Are you currently interested in becoming a genuinely compassionate person, or do you wish to find a useful tool for dealing with the emotional pain thrown up by insight practice?

I wouldn’t assume that simply because metta is an emotional exercise that it deals with the emotional realm per se. In Kornfield’s A Path with Heart, he describes a process of ‘necessary healing’ that appears to occur independent of the insight cycle (just to make things a little more confusing) and can begin at any time during the meditative career. For me, it occurred during second path (or my second time through the insight cycle) and lasted for approximately eight months or so (it’s still not completely over now, but I’m certainly through the worst of it). This meant having to experience a great deal of sorrow, anger, rage, self-pity, etc every day, and in the end the only way to deal with it was to observe the sensations using insight practice, allowing them to arise and pass of their own accord (although in some cases it did help to discuss specific issues with certain people). Eventually these difficult emotions resolved themselves.

Beyond insight, the only other technique (although I’m sure there are many I’ve not come across in my limited experience) I’ve found useful in integrating difficult emotions is connected breathwork (sometimes called vivation, holotropic or rebirth breathing). I seriously can’t recommend this technique enough – it has changed my general emotional habits to a profound extent.