Message Boards Message Boards

What where these? (Mapping)
Answer
6/28/18 5:36 PM
Just interested to know where to put these 2 experiences on the maps.
 
Experience 1 (my best guess this was AP)?

A few years ago on retreat I had an experience that went like this:
Initially I felt very confused for some reason. After about five minutes of my mind slowly asking why ‘I’ realised I couldn't remember anything about myself (aside from the fact I was on a meditation retreat). I had no memories, no sense of identity, couldn't remember who I had been, couldn't remember my name, couldn't remember my family. My first fear was. “What have I done to myself through this meditation?” Which I quickly calmed by focusing on great faith in Vipassana meditation and the Buddha's path.  The second fear that arose was, “how am I going to go back to work next week like this?” (haha)
Realising this was a unique experience I began to investigate the reality. I clearly perceived the 5 aggregates realising I was nothing more than a composition of the 5 aggregates.
I kept observing and discovered that I could access my memory by moving awareness to the left side of the 'space' I perceive myself to be in, when I came back to the centre the memories disappeared again. I reflected, “Cool, I can still remember my past, it's just not that relevant & it's more interesting to ignore it right now & see what this is.”
I kept observing 5 separate aggregates for some time.
The next thing that arose was that I was in a pure state of equanimity. I don't mean hi EQ. In mean total, absolute detachment from any of the aversion to Dukkah. At the time I had been sitting for about an hour and could recognise a sensation that I would have previously labelled 'pain' however, it just appeared to my mind as pure sensation that did not interest me.
Then our teacher’s (Goenka) recorded chanting came back in & I came back fully to my normal conscious state.
The entire experience was exactly 1 hour however, it felt like, at maximum 5 minutes had passed.
 
Although I don't recognise this as SE (no cessation), this experience really shattered my illusion of a self & I was on a bliss out for many weeks later.
I would walk around at work during the day & I would have thought such as: “I have commpassion & love all beings around me”, “happiness is not dependent on anything it just is” & “I can't believe I've been carrying this weight saround (of emotional baggage) my whole life!" It felt like I was physically lighter and had dropped a massive weight. Every moment was complete & satisfying without any desire for any other moment - regardless of what I was doing at the time. 
I felt emotionally like I was partially liberated yet, intellectually I knew I wasn't because I hadn’t detected any cessation/Nibbana experience and still noted Worldly attachments arising. And after a few weeks I went back to the normal concious state (identifying as self, dissatisfied, conditioned etc) which at the time felt like quite a downgrade (& led to craving for the experience again for some time after). 
 
 
Experience 2 - happened recently at home
While being in high EQ my consciousness divided into 2,3 then 4. Literally I experienced being 4 separate consciousness’s at once. Then everything kind of went into a sticky mush where all external phenomena turned into separate, but not identified or perceived objects. There was observer & and the objects (which would have been sound, sensation, thoughts etc) but they didn't feel in any way important. So I ignored them. This felt really good and I stayed in the state of not being identified form for about half an hour. No clinging to the experience after - it was just interesting and different.