Embracing my fears

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Wet Paint, modified 13 Years ago at 5/15/09 12:31 AM
Created 13 Years ago at 5/15/09 12:31 AM

Embracing my fears

Posts: 22924 Join Date: 8/6/09 Recent Posts
Author: shokolah
Forum: Dharma Overground Discussion Forum

Hello guys, I hope I do not post too much stuff and this won't be perceived as useless trivia. After following Daniel's instructions, I can now start to concentrate deeper and longer. I am seeing things I was totally oblivious to before. I've beard in mind what some of you have suggested and imagined myself going back to the group and be aware of the bodily sensations this would trigger. There was indeed an awful lot of aversion, so I tried to surrender to it and let go of it. It was painful. After this exercise, I felt I could now talk to my teacher. I wanted to explain my position and sort out any unfinished business. I felt a bit tearful at first but expressed to him I could start seeing into the 3 Characteristics and was feeling more alive and aware than ever. I said that I now felt comfortable to talk if the group was ready to hear out what I had to say which primarily revolved around our blunt concentration and how to go about to improve it. Before reading Daniel's, it was sloppy and there was no sense of purpose/direction whatsoever. He flatly refused and told me that my emotions were getting the better of me and what I was experiencing was anything but the Dharma! I am not really surprised by his reaction. The thing is now I feel totally indifferent about this group, I don't care. I am not angry nor upset. I am grateful to have come that far and infinitely thankful to Jackson with his website. Without it, I wouldn't be here today. It is a complete release not to belong to any formal Buddhist groups and I genuinely wish them well. I am now learning to let live and let go. Thank you Daniel for your response this morning, it is truly inspiring. I could definitely feel the fire inside that wanted to change everything around me but it probably would have been a disaster to speak up. This forum is truly amazing and BOY what a fire this book has ignited! I will never be complacent again. I feel I've reached a point of no return!

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