Announcements Announcements

DhO Hacked and Upgrade


ATTENTION!: It appears that our server has been hacked through this version of Liferay, meaning it is no longer secure, and so expect instability as we deal with this and attempt to upgrade to Liferay 7, which we failed to be able to do last year the last time the team attempted it, but we have no choice at this point, so bear with us as we try again. Save any long posts in a text file before posting them. You can follow me on Twitter at @danielmingram for updates if the site is down. Apologies for any complexity this causes. We will work as fast as we can. We have backups of the database, so hopefully nothing will be lost. Thanks to all helping with this complex process.




Message Boards Message Boards

Insight and Wisdom

I am scared of the end

I am scared of the end
8/13/18 7:22 PM
As more and more ego leaves, I have less and less control and I am scared what is going to happen in the end when I no longer control anything.  I know the end is paranibbana and that it is amazing but the tiniest part of me is still afraid that something else might happen.  What if there is a demon tricking me and I will end up in a black room with nothing for eternity.  Imagine how bad that is, that is what gives me anxiety.  Its pain is unfathamable.

console me please... 

RE: I am scared of the end
8/13/18 10:55 PM as a reply to s j t.
What do you control now? What controls what? That part of you that fears all these silly ideas is the ego itself, so don’t worry, it’s on its way out.
Maybe just let the demon eat you up in his eternal black room. Demons get hungry too. 

RE: I am scared of the end
8/14/18 5:38 AM as a reply to s j t.
Hi sjt 

when you are fading and losing control, it’s not any demon you should be worry about but what have always make up you. For example, you lose the sense of time, you lose your centre point of focus, you lose your memories, you lose the editor. At the same time you’re more spontaneous, innocently fresh, less time based anxieties, more empty and spaciousness.

its not so much you’re afraid of losing control but more like afraid to change, because if we’re open and flow : we change rapidly.

RE: I am scared of the end
8/14/18 6:06 AM as a reply to s j t.
Do you remember when you did let go of something in the past, and how that gave you more freedom?
It's going layer by layer anyway, don't worry, you won't be ripped into nothingness at once ;)
I think it's actually good that you feel this way, which is indicating that you practice wholeheartedly. The fear and the sadness of letting things go are part of this path, too. This freedom doesn't come for free, but I dare to say it's worth it.

RE: I am scared of the end
8/14/18 10:34 AM as a reply to s j t.
What's pain is unfathomable, and where exactly in the body is that pain? How big is it? Where are its edges? How long does it actually last? How does it move and change? How bad would it be in comparison to something like hitting your shin on a coffee table (in theory, don't actually do the experiment ;). Is there actually real danger or just imagined danger? Can you notice the thoughts as just fleeting experiences? This sort of inquiry is one approach.

However, it might not be the right approach. Feelings of being overwhelmed by Fear can be the Fear stage of insight, which arises in context and sequence with the other stages, or it might be something else, even psychosis, paranoia, standard anxiety, an overactive imagination, evidence that there is trauma or depression to be dealt with first, or something else like that. Those diagnoses very well might benefit from other approaches, as outlined in resources such as Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, by David Treleaven, which I recommend you read, as it might provide helpful clues, and, if it resonates, you might seek the benefit of the guidance of people who know how to handle that territory well.

Best wishes,