Is this Equanimity? - Discussion
It definitely sounds like equanimity, and a good sign of "progress" to be sure, but the key is to keep investigating ... Who wants to know if this is equanimity? Why? What difference would it make? Where else could you possibly go from here? What are the sensations/thoughts involved in that sense of expectation or looking for direction? What could anyone else possibly say that could make your experience any different from what it already is? Track every thought & expectation back to its root ... until there really is nowhere else to go! 
Yes, I agree, sounds like EQ. The trick to EQ is that there is no particular trick. It's all about maintaining consistent, non-heroic, daily practice and letting the intensity of "trying to get somewhere else" to naturally relax.
Practice every day, stay interested in the present moment while practicing, and when you are done practicing don't obsess too much about meditation maps and don't create lots of doubts. A gentle retreat can be helpful, too, because the more you can sit and walk and not obsess, the closer you get to Conformity Nana and Stream Entry. EQ is practicing for life off-cushion, too. Notice how life is so much better when we're interested in the present moment and not full of plans and obsessions and doubts. Get used to enjoying the simplicity of EQ.
In EQ we can try to develop all sorts of strategies, thoughts, plans and then they don't work as we expected and we have all sorts of frustrations --- and now we're back to something closer to desire for deliverance and reobservation again. This typically happens many many many times until we start to learn the lesson!
A&Ps can happen again, too. Basically the mind wants to jump to "emptiness" but doesn't know how, so it goes back to a subtle or big A&P which can seem like Stream Entry but it isn't.
There can be lots of "unknowning events" where the mind becomes very quiet or starts to fade away (like sleeping while awake) and there can be other near misses (often very brief experiences of formless jhanas) that seem like SE but they are not. So even if something happens, still keep consistent, non-heroic, daily practice. Don't assume SE too soon!
The most common teaching for EQ is "straight ahead!". Keep practicing, don't second-guess. Just sit according to your normal schedule and don't worry. Straight ahead!
So the trick is to notice (and noting with a word label can really help) how we try to manipulate and game the experience of being in EQ. Notice mapping thoughts, planning thoughts, doubt, frustration, confusion, curiousity, happiness, wanting more, wanting less, wanting things to stay the same --- none of these are problems, they are just thoughts and emotions that are occuring in the present moment while in EQ. Notice subtle greed for more, aversion to what is, and especially indifference to the present moment while in EQ. Often we make problems when there isn't a problem because we feel we need to "do something" or "get something" or "fix something". You don't need to do anything except experience what is already happening in this present moment. If you get lost, notice sensations as sensations, urges as urges, emotions as emotions, and thoughts as thoughts. It can be helpful to "note" one aspect of present experience every breath or so. Gentle, easy, and consistent noting can help.
Anything that seems like a problem can be noted and then it is not a problem because you are experiencing the problem that is already happening in the present moment! If you "believe" there is a problem and start thinking about something to do or get or fix, then you are momentarily trapped --- no big deal, you will fall out the trance of being trapped soon. And when you do, just note how you got trapped and note something in the present moment. "Oh, I was thinking about going on a long retreat for the last minute! But now I can feel the weight of my body on the cushion. I'm back in the present!"
So simple! "Oh, I was trying to map where I am on the progress of insight map for the last two minutes. But now I can feel the smile on my face. I'm back in the present!" This might happen a thousand times in a sit, great! That's a thousand times the mind has learned to get out of a trance!
Sometimes gentle inquiry keeps it interesting: what is this? what is experience? what is the mind? what is knowing? The goal of these questions is not a verbal sentence that answers the question --- the goal is a much greater appreciation and intimacy with the experience of this present moment, the feeling of having a mind, the way the mind "knows" what it knows.
Most of all, enjoy the EQ nana! No one said practice has to be hard to make progress! If you are aware of the present moment you are practicing well. If you aren't aware of the present moment, then the moment you notice it your are aware of the present moment again! Perfect!! Don't make it into a bigger problem. EQ is about falling out of the present moment and realizing it and being back in the present moment. This will probably happen a million times, no big deal.
My favorite metaphors for EQ to SE is a sun burning out of fuel and becoming a black hole, or a satellite losing momentum and slowly spiraling back to the earth. In these cases, it seems like the sun is going to burn forever and the satellite is going to orbit forever... but when the fire becomes small enough or the satellite loses enough speed, the end happens quickly ---- just like EQ to SE.
So don't despair and don't second guess yourself. Just commit to consistent, non-heroic, daily practice. Straight ahead!
Practice every day, stay interested in the present moment while practicing, and when you are done practicing don't obsess too much about meditation maps and don't create lots of doubts. A gentle retreat can be helpful, too, because the more you can sit and walk and not obsess, the closer you get to Conformity Nana and Stream Entry. EQ is practicing for life off-cushion, too. Notice how life is so much better when we're interested in the present moment and not full of plans and obsessions and doubts. Get used to enjoying the simplicity of EQ.
In EQ we can try to develop all sorts of strategies, thoughts, plans and then they don't work as we expected and we have all sorts of frustrations --- and now we're back to something closer to desire for deliverance and reobservation again. This typically happens many many many times until we start to learn the lesson!
A&Ps can happen again, too. Basically the mind wants to jump to "emptiness" but doesn't know how, so it goes back to a subtle or big A&P which can seem like Stream Entry but it isn't.
There can be lots of "unknowning events" where the mind becomes very quiet or starts to fade away (like sleeping while awake) and there can be other near misses (often very brief experiences of formless jhanas) that seem like SE but they are not. So even if something happens, still keep consistent, non-heroic, daily practice. Don't assume SE too soon!
The most common teaching for EQ is "straight ahead!". Keep practicing, don't second-guess. Just sit according to your normal schedule and don't worry. Straight ahead!
So the trick is to notice (and noting with a word label can really help) how we try to manipulate and game the experience of being in EQ. Notice mapping thoughts, planning thoughts, doubt, frustration, confusion, curiousity, happiness, wanting more, wanting less, wanting things to stay the same --- none of these are problems, they are just thoughts and emotions that are occuring in the present moment while in EQ. Notice subtle greed for more, aversion to what is, and especially indifference to the present moment while in EQ. Often we make problems when there isn't a problem because we feel we need to "do something" or "get something" or "fix something". You don't need to do anything except experience what is already happening in this present moment. If you get lost, notice sensations as sensations, urges as urges, emotions as emotions, and thoughts as thoughts. It can be helpful to "note" one aspect of present experience every breath or so. Gentle, easy, and consistent noting can help.
Anything that seems like a problem can be noted and then it is not a problem because you are experiencing the problem that is already happening in the present moment! If you "believe" there is a problem and start thinking about something to do or get or fix, then you are momentarily trapped --- no big deal, you will fall out the trance of being trapped soon. And when you do, just note how you got trapped and note something in the present moment. "Oh, I was thinking about going on a long retreat for the last minute! But now I can feel the weight of my body on the cushion. I'm back in the present!"
So simple! "Oh, I was trying to map where I am on the progress of insight map for the last two minutes. But now I can feel the smile on my face. I'm back in the present!" This might happen a thousand times in a sit, great! That's a thousand times the mind has learned to get out of a trance!Sometimes gentle inquiry keeps it interesting: what is this? what is experience? what is the mind? what is knowing? The goal of these questions is not a verbal sentence that answers the question --- the goal is a much greater appreciation and intimacy with the experience of this present moment, the feeling of having a mind, the way the mind "knows" what it knows.
Most of all, enjoy the EQ nana! No one said practice has to be hard to make progress! If you are aware of the present moment you are practicing well. If you aren't aware of the present moment, then the moment you notice it your are aware of the present moment again! Perfect!! Don't make it into a bigger problem. EQ is about falling out of the present moment and realizing it and being back in the present moment. This will probably happen a million times, no big deal.
My favorite metaphors for EQ to SE is a sun burning out of fuel and becoming a black hole, or a satellite losing momentum and slowly spiraling back to the earth. In these cases, it seems like the sun is going to burn forever and the satellite is going to orbit forever... but when the fire becomes small enough or the satellite loses enough speed, the end happens quickly ---- just like EQ to SE.
So don't despair and don't second guess yourself. Just commit to consistent, non-heroic, daily practice. Straight ahead!