| Recently having read MCTB, I've been monitoring my practice closely for some clue as to where I might be on the Insight map(s). I've been meditating for over 15 years, and have had numerous experiences, both related to practice and not, that relate to insight stages (A&P events, Dark Nights, Equanimity, you name it) -- not having been familiar with insight meditation, I just had no way of categorizing them.
I had an extra day off work on Monday so I devoted it to a full day's retreat just to see what came up -- basically trying to determine whether or not I had already attained first path and was cycling (as I understand it, one can cycle through many of the stages in a single sit after having attained a path -- please do set me straight if I am wrong), or perhaps hadn't reached this point yet. Didn’t get much in the way of clues as to where I was on the map, but the concentration (and noting) led to much better moment-to-moment awareness than on any other retreat day thus far.
The next morning, however, something notable did happen -- I was doing my regular sit as usual, moving up through the jhanas, noting thoughts and sensations arising, existing, passing, etc. When I slipped into what might be 5th or 6th jhana (where the breath is a small pinprick in the center of vast space and consciousness), things got interesting. A door seemed to open and I approached the space in a much “heavier” way. The space was suffused with "electricity" for lack of a better term. Things were "crackling" (though not in an auditory sense). For all intensive purposes, this vast sphere might have been filled with a vast electrical storm (though obviously, no real thunder, lightning or noise). Parts of my head started to twitch. There was a bit of shallowness of breath and at the end of the sit a definite speediness in the heart center -- feeling a bit "cracked out". On the drive to work, could not concentrate on the podcast I usually listen to. Eventually opted for rock and roll. At work, felt like I had drank waaaay too much coffee. Something was definitely up.
That night (last night), sat for another hour -- moved through jhanas to 4th jhana (as diagnosed on another thread on this site) and just noted. Very stormy – lots of itches, twitches, waves buffeting me about, vibrations, pulses, more discursive than usual. The jhana was still pretty comfortable, and I didn’t seem to be hung up trying to get to a better level of tranquility. Just basically “looked”. Still was pretty speedy/wound up.
This morning, I did my usual sit; was surprised that when I got into that boundless space jhana the same door was accessible again. I deliberately approached it but did not go through – I needed to wrap up the sit and get to work. I tried to familiarize myself with the point of access. Got up and was clearing 9 inches of snow off my car when I got the call that school was cancelled on account of weather. Went back in and continued the sit. Worked up through the jhanas and was surprised again – no access! So I sat in the boundless space jhana, trying from time to time to locate the “door” so to speak. Then I got it (after about 40 min) – access was definitely via the outbreath and then successive outbreaths (this outbreath was different, a little "pinched", very difficult to describe). The experience this time was just as electric and heavy but much smoother and less chaotic. Smooth waves rather than a crackling storm. Definitely fit the descriptions related to kundalini awakenings -- felt like being plugged into an electricity source, waves of heat, but still very smooth compared to yesterday). Post sit, still have a bit of that speedy feeling. At this point, it seems like this space is accessible if I want to go there (not that I'm getting hung up on that -- I don't expect that to continue to be the case).
This sounds a lot like A&P to me. My question is "which" A&P? Still first path? Between paths and maybe cycling? Second path A&P? (I've had those speedy-feeling "blowouts" (followed by dark night symptoms) in the past, just never connected them with my practice due to the way in which they arose and not having any familiarity with insight meditation)...Many thanks to anyone who reads and comments...Peace. |