Thread Edited by User

L J, modified 9 Days ago at 9/22/23 3:35 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 3/30/23 8:55 AM

Thread Edited by User

Posts: 34 Join Date: 4/25/20 Recent Posts
I'm editing this thread as it was edited by a user who requested that the thread be removed and took matters into their own hands without regard to other users' comments. 

- Chris M.
A K D, modified 9 Days ago at 9/22/23 1:50 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 4/3/23 2:17 PM

RE: LJs practice log

Posts: 215 Join Date: 1/20/21 Recent Posts
Hello L J - frustration and self criticism are pretty normal experiences for many people. I have labored under similar behaviors and still do so even today. In my experience, it can be beneficial to figure out what is at the heart of such reactive patterns by questioning:
What emotions are present in experience?
What is our reaction to the present emotions?
What memories do we associate these reactions with?
What beliefs lie behind these reactive patterns - why do we feel these reactions to be necessary in order to properly navigate our lives?
What triggers these reactive patterns?  
Is there anything that we are hoping to get or something we are trying to avoid via this reaction? 
Can we connect with and simply be aware of the reactive pattern as it unfolds (tune into the physical aspects while letting the thought loops play in the background)?
Can we feel centered in this reaction?

More of a daily life question: Can get this task accomplished, simply, straightforwardly without using self criticism as fuel? Just an experiment to try out with simple tasks at first: can this plate be washed without self criticism? Can the trash be taken out without harshness? Etc.

All of these reactive patterns and beliefs systems that we have are structures of self that must be examined. 

Be kind to yourself! Gentle with yourself! And be kind and gentle with others - it sometimes allows you to be kinder to yourself in turn. It's okay to lighten up, have fun, and still be an effective person!

No worries about falling asleep on occasion - sometimes that's okay and that is your body's intelligence taking over assuming that you're not getting enough rest or sleeping well.

Good luck!
A K D, modified 9 Days ago at 9/22/23 1:50 PM
Created 6 Months ago at 4/3/23 2:47 PM

RE: LJs practice log

Posts: 215 Join Date: 1/20/21 Recent Posts
Hello L J, I have all of the same frustrations emoticon My meditative path has been very uneventful from a certain standpoint so I totally get it. A couple of thoughts:

-Just focus on today's sit(s) without worrying too much about awakening or progress - let whatever changes may occur happen in the background in their own time. All practice and 'progress' happens 'now' anyway so always just come back to 'here' & 'now'. 

-Dedicate the merrit of your sits for the benefit of all beings. If practice is self-centered, we are sorta reenforcing the very pattern/structure that we are trying to see through. This can also take some of the pressure off.

-I'd recommend getting a teacher you can work with if you don't already have one. Someone who is further along the path can help answer questions, help you work through doubts, will help you work through reactive patterns/obscurations, and they will be able to point out the nature of reality/mind and tweak your practice.