| | aloha,
Recently listening to some old alan watts tapes, he claims that the precept regarding taking intoxicants referred specifically to taking three particular substances. And we have no idea now what those substances were. It hardly matters; no doubt the buddha would expect you to use good judgement. Many teachers emphasize not dissipating yourself in low dives at the expense of paying the rent and feeding the kids, that sort of thing. Legitimate spiritual exploration seems ok to me, particularly in kali yuga, or mappo.
I haven't taken psychedelics in many years (though I am thinking about doing shroomz again), but back in the day I took as many as anyone, perhaps 1000x times, all types. One day lsd, the next mescaline, to keep it fresh. When people used to ask me if I had flashbacks, I'd say, 'Flashbacks? I never came down.' True enough - take these drugs, even once or twice, and you will be permanently changed. (Beats being a straw dog.)
My first few 'trips' were unsettling. I got to observe my ego as a separate entity from the observing consciousness, and it wasn't a pretty picture. I stayed away from psychedelics for some months, while I tried to digest the insights. I could not. The futility of reasoning about it and the meaninglessness of everything I had thought of as true and real slowly brought my mind to a stop. I found myself looking at a bush on the horizon and deciding that the bush was so meaningless, I could just blot it out. I could blot out the bush, I thought, but it wouldn't be just black behind it, because black was meaningless too. It would be...just...void.... Void. At this point I reached the nadir, and it became the zenith; I was ecstatic. I had a series of brief experiences. I felt the air around me to be thick, almost solid, and myself continuous with it, with the earth, and the universe. My reasoning mind was equal to the physical world, vast chains of logic and mountains of Reason extended everywhere along with the Real, utterly beyond what I could grasp. I 'realized' that 'I' was the creator of the universe, and that I could by golly paint it purple with green stripes if I wanted to, any color I liked. It was silly to construct a world from scraps of books and tv and conversation, when I could make it whole out of my Heart's Desire. I felt fear, briefly, because I knew then I would always be alone, that I was Alone, all-one. I had a red pill/ blue pill moment, I could back out, be just like everyone else, rejoin the herd. At the time I had not read anything about spirituality, knew nothing of buddhism or taoism and had rejected christianity; I had never heard of "the void." Later when reading what chuang tzu wrote of fishes out of water who spent their time moistening each other with slime and spit, as opposed to the fishes who got away and swam freely in clean water, I realized that was the 'choice.' I chose to proceed with the opening/unfolding, still full of Joy but aware of the gravity, having feelings/insights more intense than anything I had ever felt; an enduring knowledge that nothing in the sensual world could remotely compare to This. At this point, the narrative ends, I don't remember a thing after that. I suppose I was 'in' nirvana. I emerged from this condition at least three weeks later, possibly as many as six weeks, I was still deeply impressed. Memory began again as friends were talking, and the first thing I remember hearing was a friend saying, "that is ok for you, but the rest of us don't see it that way." I asked them what I had been saying, and they told me I had been telling them for weeks that there was nothing to worry about, that everying was perfect and everything was going to work out perfectly. I remembered none of it, but apparently I had been functioning just fine as a naval petty officer during the time I was 'away'; only my friends had noticed anything different, and only my roommate had realized I was 'gone.' The rest is mere history, perhaps I'll write my memoirs someday hehehe.
People may tell you that these drugs merely provide a transitory experience and that is true as far as it goes. The experience may provide you a key to escape plato's cave. The acquisition of absolute faith that nirvana is more real than anything in samsaric time is a pearl beyond price.
Don't let the fact that the media never ever run a good drug story fool you, most of us have had very positive drug experiences, and certainly the musicians we like to listen to have. I recommend watching 'the bill hicks story' for a treatment of mushrooms and media hypocrisy. It would be more appropriate to think of these substances as "sacred" than to put them in the pejorative catchall "drugs," or, worse, call them "recreational."
And don't take these drugs unless you are completely sincere and willing to risk your attachment to ego and externals. If you have no intention of using the key to open the door, don't bother obtaining the key. Consider what it might be like to know you are Alone.
Lastly, don't fear enlightenment, it won't hurt you or anyone else. You won't abandon your commitments 'in the world' - everyone has to do something and one thing is as good as another, so when we awaken, we begin Life where we are 'thrown.' You might no longer care which team wins the big game, but you will care if your daughter's feelings are hurt.
So, a qualified thumbs up for taking psychedelic drugs. If it is your first time, go alone and fasting into nature, or be with a friend who is similarly inclined; or both. (cubensis is mellow and dreamy, even in quantity; mexicana is right next to acid in intensity, and more is stronger - we took 50 or 100 cubensis, or two or three mexicana... we used to dry cubensis, grind it and take it in capsules... tillamook dairy farmers used to charge hippies for searching their cow pastures for mushrooms; I once found an earring in a cowpie...I understand they grow in the hills above waimea on the big island, and in the upper reaches of waipio valley, but I have never seen them)
As far as the specific of lsd helping or hurting a meditation practice: if meditation is digging through hard rock, lsd is dynamite. Used effectively, you might knock off a few thousand lifetimes of samsaric struggle and go more directly for the prize. The question is, do you meditate to become enlightened, to achieve nirvana, or are you looking for your practice of meditation to make your life in the world more comfortable and pleasant? (That's aut-aut, not vel-vel.) Lsd is a tool that might enable you to be more genuine, authentic and real. It might be wise to place yourself in a situation that supports this process before ingesting.
Be careful; good luck. "The world is a blind-fold..." rumi says.
aloha, terry |
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