So I stumbled upon a clip of Daniel talking about powers, and sending vibes etc. and it's sort of freaking me out. It led me to reading the wiki about powers and it sort of confirms alot of my thoughts around this but still, it freaks me out.

I had an awakening a couple years ago and simultaniously fell into a deep dark night of the soul and weird things around my vibes and energy and upset from old trauma etc. manifesting in other people have been a constant theme, especially in more high stress situations. I've sort of brushed it off and been in a sort of denial about it but I really can't deny it anymore and I want to bring it under some sort of control.
I continue to work through my traumas and have recently reached out to therapists to help with this, hoping that it will curb somewhat at least but thinking of these things brings me into deep despair and hopelessness and I don't really know how to proceed.

Anyone have similar experiences that can maybe offer some insight on this?

Edit: I should maybe clarify, I've also had more intentional forms of manipulation, and it's tempting at times to use it, both for good and bad, which is also a part of what's freaking me out. I really don't feel ready for such responibilities.

Could you please from provide some more information. It's absolutely not clear what you want. 

Like I said, I want to bring it under control, or stop it entirely, if possible. I feel like it's both out of control, and at times too tempting to resist.

My logical conclusion has thus far has been that this is mostly trauma energy that needs to be worked through and it will resolve itself when the trauma resolves, but I'm really looking for any resources that can help.

"weird things around my vibes and energy and upset from old trauma etc. manifesting in other people"

"I want to bring it under control, or stop it entirely"

Notice how you know in your heart that you need to be responsible for holding and healing your own trauma and not inflicting it on other people. State your intention to be responsible for holding and healing your own trauma. And then do practices which support your intention. 

Therapy is a way to build up the capability for dealing with your own trauma. This is the safe and direct path. 

Meditation can create a "safe place" where feelings of trauma can arise and pass, but it's important to have the right view. When emotional flashbacks arise, these need to be seen as emotional flashbacks and not as "I'm in trouble, I need to do something, I need to get away" etc.  Same thing with traumatic memories and visual flashbacks. These need to be seen as trauma healing itself, not "I'm in trouble, I need to get away, I need to do something else to fix this" etc.  It's important to be completely honest -- can I really meditate now or is facing the trauma directly like this too difficult? If it is too difficult then therapy needs to be the main practice.

Eventually, the body and mind can become very resilient and clear in the midst of emotions and thoughts that would have been traumatic in the past. But it takes time. It can't be rushed.

In time it can become a more simple taking-and-sending ("tonglen") practice: Shargrol's Posts Compilation (shargrolpostscompilation.blogspot.com)

And in time it can become the classic taking and sending practice: Taking and Sending - Unfettered Mind

The imporant thing is to slowly develop the ability to fully experience trauma-triggers without 1) being re-traumatized yourself, and 2) without projecting the trauma out on other people. It takes time. 

Thank you, this is so very helpful.

Shagrol's answer is impeccable! I wanted to suggest you seek out EMDR therapy and see if you are a good candidate. It is actually what I consider a halfway point between trauma therapy and meditation- has some common threads with somatic practices too. They use it to treat PTSD in soldiers and it is really effective for many people. Check out  https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/ 

Man, I had a subtle but very meaningful insight just after replying. I just sat down for 10 minutes and went into what I was feeling and it I realized it was self hatred. And I now see how much of my ego structure was based around this, around avoiding this... such a relief. I guess it's true what they say, it's always darkest before dawn.


Thanks! I've actually considered it in the past, but not looked too much into it. I live pretty remote so online therapy and meditation will have to do for now.

P.s. you can totally do EMDR online, many providers will these days. It is just as effective, I have a friend that healed serious complex trauma with about six months worth of online-administered EMDR.

Sending lots of metta. You are not screwed. You can heal. Be patient with yourself and celebrate every little baby-step in the right direction as a great victory! Opening yourself up to healing is a major victory already. 

Telling a story about yourself as tempted by powers can be a trap in itself, as the stories we tell tend to ensnare us. Remember that it too is empty. I had a period in my life, many years ago now, when I was convinced that I was a jinx and that everytime I was happy something terrible would happen. Confirmation bias is a real thing. I know now that it was bullshit. My being happy actually makes the world a better place. 

Oh, interesting. I figured it was more elaborate and had to be done in person. Cool.

Thank you. I've noticed a similar pattern in myself actually, good to know it might just be my silly mind that's repeating false old patterns.

Figured I might start a log as I see lots of you do. I write far too little and I've noticed that it really helps crystalize and work through stuff.

Cheers everyone, feeling alot better today.

Cheering for you to start a practice log! It's very helpful, especially with looking back and seeing how much you have grown and changed. A focus on meditation obviously makes a person more present-oriented and it can be hard to even remember what life felt like yesterday.