Practice Log toward vanishing the mind - Discussion
exteriorization of viewpoint is not necessarily a "leaving" -- it's more like an expansion, an enhancement of viewpoint
Yep
You've fascinated me. I'm commenting so that I will be notified when you post more on this thread. I know where you are going. If you were in Arkansas, I would ask you to meet and sit with me.
Yep
You've fascinated me. I'm commenting so that I will be notified when you post more on this thread. I know where you are going. If you were in Arkansas, I would ask you to meet and sit with me.
Hey, girl,
Nah, it's probably out there : ) Personally, I would (and do) just focus on things that readily make sense to me. Life's short, they say. If my post makes no sense, I'd just toss it in the mental compost pile of "just a fellow practitioner saying howdy and being supportive" And I hope you keep working with what does "click" for you. Bye for now
You wrote much more that I did not acknowledge here and it will take me a few days to fully "grok" your post, and I have to admit I was a bit confused and that may be because it is late.
Nah, it's probably out there : ) Personally, I would (and do) just focus on things that readily make sense to me. Life's short, they say. If my post makes no sense, I'd just toss it in the mental compost pile of "just a fellow practitioner saying howdy and being supportive" And I hope you keep working with what does "click" for you. Bye for now
Now I know we are in direct communion in the way you have confirmed for my knowing.
When finally I could sleep, the compulsion to write to you was in me but finally the body was spent.
I planned on telling you, "I was always going to take you with me. You were just not ready to hear how hard that was going to be."
But I said it this way: Had I known the kind of emotions required for the first witness to swallow, I would not have done it. Such is the design in my own awakening. But as you felt the "tiny universes exploding in streaks of black lightning" I felt them to. There is pain in the attachment of loving humans. It is the reason it is said that we put off nirvana. It is an attachment we are to cherish, not an attachment that must be let go. Do not worry about this pains. They are necessary. You are necessary. I waited for my samadhi unknowing of what Samadni was, knowing already all things in Understanding alone. Yet, had I given you my Deshana and called you to your Great Work at any other time than that time when you had seen 'no self' and 'true self' completely to the point where your streaming Dhamma was repeating... You would not have eaten it.
When I finished writing that, I finally fell to sleep. I wrote it in my head. When I sat to write the KEY and address certain specific things that by contract I must do at the end of my samadhi, I no longer felt a need to write you that message. Why? I did not care to even think of why because my knowing no longer compelled me.
I am also in direct communion with the Buddha of this age. He now knows of you and your friend. Only an awakened person can awaken. You are not Buddhist. Buddha is for the Buddhists.
I am done expounding. But as I have told you, you will still need to learn terms even though you have nothing to learn. When you need any terms or suttas, your partner should have them. But whatever you need, you are allowed to ask from me. You are Tathagatha and to you I do not have to be invisible.
I am Pleased. I can fully rest
When finally I could sleep, the compulsion to write to you was in me but finally the body was spent.
I planned on telling you, "I was always going to take you with me. You were just not ready to hear how hard that was going to be."
But I said it this way: Had I known the kind of emotions required for the first witness to swallow, I would not have done it. Such is the design in my own awakening. But as you felt the "tiny universes exploding in streaks of black lightning" I felt them to. There is pain in the attachment of loving humans. It is the reason it is said that we put off nirvana. It is an attachment we are to cherish, not an attachment that must be let go. Do not worry about this pains. They are necessary. You are necessary. I waited for my samadhi unknowing of what Samadni was, knowing already all things in Understanding alone. Yet, had I given you my Deshana and called you to your Great Work at any other time than that time when you had seen 'no self' and 'true self' completely to the point where your streaming Dhamma was repeating... You would not have eaten it.
When I finished writing that, I finally fell to sleep. I wrote it in my head. When I sat to write the KEY and address certain specific things that by contract I must do at the end of my samadhi, I no longer felt a need to write you that message. Why? I did not care to even think of why because my knowing no longer compelled me.
I am also in direct communion with the Buddha of this age. He now knows of you and your friend. Only an awakened person can awaken. You are not Buddhist. Buddha is for the Buddhists.
I am done expounding. But as I have told you, you will still need to learn terms even though you have nothing to learn. When you need any terms or suttas, your partner should have them. But whatever you need, you are allowed to ask from me. You are Tathagatha and to you I do not have to be invisible.
I am Pleased. I can fully rest
The Yawning is an interesting effect when experiencing udanayama. Samyama on Udana, the upward flowing electric current, is also felt as shivers that radiate up the spine and outward over the shoulders, down the arms and legs, and threw the neck up to the top of the head.
Mindfulness (samyama) on this effect, experimenting, and further samyama will awaken the current into stronger and longer-lasting bursts. It can be quite pleasant. And the Patanjali says that continued practice on this phenomenon can allow you to walk on water.
Science is the methodology of observation. Theoritical science is philosophy. Philosophy is usless unless it is Dharma, or at best, only useless in teaching what is useless. Buddhism is science as it is a practice based on the collected observations of thousands of years of experimentation, measurement, and precise, systematic recording of observed data. Yoga is science. Truth and Science are the same. Reason, True Reaon (abdidharma), agrees perfectly with Spiritual Truth (Faith), Science, and Sacred Geometry.
It is Glorious to be sane, isn't it Love
I wrote this on another thread, but I want to make sure you read if (if you will) and tell me any thoughts you have:
A way to put it:
The cycle of Rebirths refers to the cycle of the rebirth of the 'ego'. That is what is said to reincarnate as a self-perpetuating illusion into cycle after cycle of suffering due to the ego being, essentially, interconnected karmic chains of desire. It is desire that is illusion as Truth clearly reveals that there is nothing that is 'real' enough to desire.
But Energy goes on! Energy is not a substance but an action. It is Karma. Just as objects with mass carry momentum, desire also carries momentum. It is simply the progression of states from imbalance to balanced. It is the law of Entropy at work. So even when The Arahant sees the truth and can understand all things clearly, He reincarnates. But the ego does not. The Arahant is born in his next life as someone who naturally has little or no ego and effortlessly reaches enlightenment again in their youth, and carry own in cultivation of his karmic bodies until either reaching oblivion or annihilation.
But it cannot be said that the Arahant has not escaped the cycle of rebirth. What is reincarntated? It is not the ego. It is not anything that can be called a 'self'. The Arahant reincarnates not as a deluded ego, but simply as the strings of karma that continue after extinguishing the Great Confusion. He reincarnates as a light in the world of darkness. He guides others, even before re-enlightenment, because without the ego, our focus of our karmic momentums naturally turn toward the Divine Desire of the Reconciliation of All Things.
After enough lifetimes, the focus on the karmic momentums has caused such purity of awareness that we must call that bundle of energy something other than Arahant. The string of energies has united so well with the Karma of the World while at the same time in complete Union with the Divine Desire, that is can teach the WAY in any set of terms, ideas, or religion that is usefull to the moment. Well call this a Buddha.
Don't worship the Buddha. There's nobody there
Mindfulness (samyama) on this effect, experimenting, and further samyama will awaken the current into stronger and longer-lasting bursts. It can be quite pleasant. And the Patanjali says that continued practice on this phenomenon can allow you to walk on water.
Science is the methodology of observation. Theoritical science is philosophy. Philosophy is usless unless it is Dharma, or at best, only useless in teaching what is useless. Buddhism is science as it is a practice based on the collected observations of thousands of years of experimentation, measurement, and precise, systematic recording of observed data. Yoga is science. Truth and Science are the same. Reason, True Reaon (abdidharma), agrees perfectly with Spiritual Truth (Faith), Science, and Sacred Geometry.
It is Glorious to be sane, isn't it Love
I wrote this on another thread, but I want to make sure you read if (if you will) and tell me any thoughts you have:
A way to put it:
The cycle of Rebirths refers to the cycle of the rebirth of the 'ego'. That is what is said to reincarnate as a self-perpetuating illusion into cycle after cycle of suffering due to the ego being, essentially, interconnected karmic chains of desire. It is desire that is illusion as Truth clearly reveals that there is nothing that is 'real' enough to desire.
But Energy goes on! Energy is not a substance but an action. It is Karma. Just as objects with mass carry momentum, desire also carries momentum. It is simply the progression of states from imbalance to balanced. It is the law of Entropy at work. So even when The Arahant sees the truth and can understand all things clearly, He reincarnates. But the ego does not. The Arahant is born in his next life as someone who naturally has little or no ego and effortlessly reaches enlightenment again in their youth, and carry own in cultivation of his karmic bodies until either reaching oblivion or annihilation.
But it cannot be said that the Arahant has not escaped the cycle of rebirth. What is reincarntated? It is not the ego. It is not anything that can be called a 'self'. The Arahant reincarnates not as a deluded ego, but simply as the strings of karma that continue after extinguishing the Great Confusion. He reincarnates as a light in the world of darkness. He guides others, even before re-enlightenment, because without the ego, our focus of our karmic momentums naturally turn toward the Divine Desire of the Reconciliation of All Things.
After enough lifetimes, the focus on the karmic momentums has caused such purity of awareness that we must call that bundle of energy something other than Arahant. The string of energies has united so well with the Karma of the World while at the same time in complete Union with the Divine Desire, that is can teach the WAY in any set of terms, ideas, or religion that is usefull to the moment. Well call this a Buddha.
Don't worship the Buddha. There's nobody there
23Oct14 Repair of Importance :
"How does life seem to me now?" That question usually gets me awake and out of bed, ready to begin -- then I fiddle around on the internet and finally dig into the practice. Life seems improved a degree and I have more certainty of resolving the conflicts within -- even those most dear to me.
I am reminded by a fellow practicer to enter a sit with a positive attitude -- I'm always positive something good will come of it, even when I'm beset by something negative coming up.
About life, my postulates seem to be cleaner, with less internal conflict and I'm more likely now to consider things before I leap into an interaction or hit the "send" button. Definitely gained some valuable wisdom about the games life gets up to -- and that sensation is the paymaster of most games, there being various condensations of sensations.
Perhaps I am one of those people who starts a practice at first mostly "in their head".
8:32 "Create an Importance" - 6 Directions
beautiful sadness
why would the line and form of a toroid evoke sadness? Why do people say, "My heart feels sad"?
basically it is line and form -- gently undulating curves the main attractor. Depending upon one's experience with those one could assign different values to it, such as serenity, peace, grace, beauty, even sadness, even entrapment, and perhaps all of those have been assigned to it at various times and it differs with each person which one is sticking now. When is a curve simply a curve? A newly hatched being got curious about a point, then a line, then a curve, then desired it and started postulating it among others and assigning values and reasons why, and exploiting all its possibilities. And now we are playing heavily within a double torus universe. All matter and energy is whatever we assign it to be. I can put the emotion of serenity into a teapot if I wish, or I can make it a sad teapot, or an angry teapot, etc. And then I can work to convince others to see it the way I see it.
I have a feeling I've been spending a lot of time and effort trying to convince myself and others of the "sadnesses" - with varying amounts of force. Of course aesthetics, which forms symbols, can be quite effective. It is a contest of convincing self and others in order to maintain an assigned beingness.
Let's have a cheerful willow tree - turned it gold
"How do curves seem to you now?" feels like it is just a curve but I can assign qualities and emotions to it if I wish.
"How does sadness seem to you now?" an option, not a fixation. I was stuck between saying it was good and saying it was bad and I see the game of it was very important to me. I sense I've played a lot with aesthetics, leading to a lot of losses in that field and non-life goals, and I see others did the same, which made it more important a game.
I typed "beautiful sadness of it all" into Google and this link is a good exploration into the topic: http://aeon.co/magazine/psychology/any-fool-can-be-happy-sadness-takes-strengt/
Sadness is one response to failure of one's goals and purposes and for the goals and purposes of others as we project upon them. We might even be offended or threatened somehow if a person did not express the sadness we wished to project upon them. Fixed importance on grief, by whatever form or name is dhukka and should not be signified as anything but that -- a mental condition, "case" -- when one is devoted to vanishing dhukka. But I think it would be correct to say, so is good cheer, so is serenity I dare say. All duality is installed by the being and kept there out of a desire. Resolve the conflicts of duality -- the attractions and aversions -- and one can walk through universes -- or not -- with total eternal bliss. Dhukka will then seem like a hiccup.
Find a happy man and you will find a man stuck in duality; find a sad man and you will find a man stuck in duality. The happy man will one day be sad and the sad man will one day be happy. I don't think a man free of dhukka would assign any values to his experience -- ??? -- except when he is playing voluntarily in a game of life, but then he would always know what he is, separate from what beingness he is assuming in order to experience a fun interaction with "not-selfs".
10:36 End of Sit
"How does life seem to me now?" That question usually gets me awake and out of bed, ready to begin -- then I fiddle around on the internet and finally dig into the practice. Life seems improved a degree and I have more certainty of resolving the conflicts within -- even those most dear to me.
I am reminded by a fellow practicer to enter a sit with a positive attitude -- I'm always positive something good will come of it, even when I'm beset by something negative coming up.
About life, my postulates seem to be cleaner, with less internal conflict and I'm more likely now to consider things before I leap into an interaction or hit the "send" button. Definitely gained some valuable wisdom about the games life gets up to -- and that sensation is the paymaster of most games, there being various condensations of sensations.
Perhaps I am one of those people who starts a practice at first mostly "in their head".
8:32 "Create an Importance" - 6 Directions
beautiful sadness
- I'm liking it very much -- it's fine -- just another aesthetic expression, and for some reason I can be happy
- laughing, yawns
- when I look out the window and see the wet rocks and drooping limbs I can see beautiful sadness and I like looking at it; however, when I look around my room I don't see any beautiful sadness
- I do see some sadness within my mind though and it seems the color gray can invoke sadness
- [note to self -- resolve the color gray]
- I see a propensity towards wanting to hold onto sadness -- for the love of its particular sensation, which I am feeling when I put it all around me and many yawns when I focus in on that sensation experience
- Everything else was a "reason why" -- all the stories and images -- "I did it for the sensation"
- I first got curious about it, then desired it, then enforced it with a postulate and then made up reasons why to convince others, and I started to believe my own lies too (yawns)
- I sure put myself through a lot to finally arrive at the simple truths of it
- I noticed yesterday, while sorting through a bag of unknown stuff I was at first merely curious, then some desire came up and then I postulated "To Have", "To Own" and some of the stuff became mine and of course I made up reasons why to myself without acknowledging the sensations gotten from havingness and ownership. "Recall a time you acquired something good. Get the sensation of that" Why did I want that stuff? Because it felt good -- and I could make it seem like a good idea at the time. Hence, removal of the thirst for sensation makes one more circumspect, less compulsive, and one can value life more than objects, and have wiser, saner interactions with life forms.
- beautiful sadness all around me -- willow tree near water; minor keys
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN6ZgBJOTO4
- the change up seems to be I'm finally giving myself permission to have that experience/sensation without getting fixated on it -- attraction/aversion
- "Could you have 'beautiful sadness'?" Yes. "Could you let go of 'beautiful sadness'?" yawns - yes
- Objects can have the qualities/purposes I assign to them depending upon what sensation(s) I wish to experience with regard to them.
- "What is the aesthetic function of a willow tree?" Gently curving lines with rounded form (a toroid, a torus)
why would the line and form of a toroid evoke sadness? Why do people say, "My heart feels sad"?
basically it is line and form -- gently undulating curves the main attractor. Depending upon one's experience with those one could assign different values to it, such as serenity, peace, grace, beauty, even sadness, even entrapment, and perhaps all of those have been assigned to it at various times and it differs with each person which one is sticking now. When is a curve simply a curve? A newly hatched being got curious about a point, then a line, then a curve, then desired it and started postulating it among others and assigning values and reasons why, and exploiting all its possibilities. And now we are playing heavily within a double torus universe. All matter and energy is whatever we assign it to be. I can put the emotion of serenity into a teapot if I wish, or I can make it a sad teapot, or an angry teapot, etc. And then I can work to convince others to see it the way I see it.
I have a feeling I've been spending a lot of time and effort trying to convince myself and others of the "sadnesses" - with varying amounts of force. Of course aesthetics, which forms symbols, can be quite effective. It is a contest of convincing self and others in order to maintain an assigned beingness.
Let's have a cheerful willow tree - turned it gold
"How do curves seem to you now?" feels like it is just a curve but I can assign qualities and emotions to it if I wish.
"How does sadness seem to you now?" an option, not a fixation. I was stuck between saying it was good and saying it was bad and I see the game of it was very important to me. I sense I've played a lot with aesthetics, leading to a lot of losses in that field and non-life goals, and I see others did the same, which made it more important a game.
I typed "beautiful sadness of it all" into Google and this link is a good exploration into the topic: http://aeon.co/magazine/psychology/any-fool-can-be-happy-sadness-takes-strengt/
Sadness is one response to failure of one's goals and purposes and for the goals and purposes of others as we project upon them. We might even be offended or threatened somehow if a person did not express the sadness we wished to project upon them. Fixed importance on grief, by whatever form or name is dhukka and should not be signified as anything but that -- a mental condition, "case" -- when one is devoted to vanishing dhukka. But I think it would be correct to say, so is good cheer, so is serenity I dare say. All duality is installed by the being and kept there out of a desire. Resolve the conflicts of duality -- the attractions and aversions -- and one can walk through universes -- or not -- with total eternal bliss. Dhukka will then seem like a hiccup.
Find a happy man and you will find a man stuck in duality; find a sad man and you will find a man stuck in duality. The happy man will one day be sad and the sad man will one day be happy. I don't think a man free of dhukka would assign any values to his experience -- ??? -- except when he is playing voluntarily in a game of life, but then he would always know what he is, separate from what beingness he is assuming in order to experience a fun interaction with "not-selfs".
10:36 End of Sit
27Oct14 Direct Looking :
As I typed those words I felt an exhilarant expectation: after the
session with my partner I see more clearly the importance of being
able to do this work solo. Also, something else I realized --
we had already spent hours looking at the childhood incident and
still the shame and sadness were not resolving and in this session he
asked me if there were an earlier related incident while at the same
time I was beginning to see a last-lifetime incident shortly before
my death. Yes, it contained many of the components of the this-life
incident.
He wisely suggested we take a closer look at what happened there, and
that did resolve things in my mind, just as I am noticing how my
Direct Looking at the day's events resolves daily issues for me.
I have great tools to bring me to a peaceful and serene
condition, detached from body because my views expand beyond the
body, as if I were exterior to the body. Ever since late last
life I have been searching for a way to make this a permanent and
stable condition.
The mind holds much memory and whatever is "subconscious" is
what we do not wish to know -- a way to avoid knowing about myself
and others -- about life and postulates. We create blackness. All
practices that encourage us to subjectively view what is occurring
within the mind/body -- and life's interactions with the mind -- are
useful.
Yesterday's events: Direct Looking
Repair of Importance : a meditative white cat - 6 directions
Getting tired, End of Sit
As I typed those words I felt an exhilarant expectation: after the
session with my partner I see more clearly the importance of being
able to do this work solo. Also, something else I realized --
we had already spent hours looking at the childhood incident and
still the shame and sadness were not resolving and in this session he
asked me if there were an earlier related incident while at the same
time I was beginning to see a last-lifetime incident shortly before
my death. Yes, it contained many of the components of the this-life
incident.
He wisely suggested we take a closer look at what happened there, and
that did resolve things in my mind, just as I am noticing how my
Direct Looking at the day's events resolves daily issues for me.
I have great tools to bring me to a peaceful and serene
condition, detached from body because my views expand beyond the
body, as if I were exterior to the body. Ever since late last
life I have been searching for a way to make this a permanent and
stable condition.
The mind holds much memory and whatever is "subconscious" is
what we do not wish to know -- a way to avoid knowing about myself
and others -- about life and postulates. We create blackness. All
practices that encourage us to subjectively view what is occurring
within the mind/body -- and life's interactions with the mind -- are
useful.
Yesterday's events: Direct Looking
- tension leaves as I re-view yesterday's practice -- pleasure moments there
- I feel no craving to have it in 3D because I can create it anytime I please
- I realize my craving for a cat can also be mollified this way -- just create a cat, silly
- I can also create quite consciously and intelligently all kinds of interactions with cats
- I can give my mind new models of interactions to work within, no longer needing to get sensation from non-life goals
- yawning, while I re-view how pride and ego come in
- I'm so glad for myself that I can stop playing with my mind in a way that has not been working for me
- a sense of urgency to push forward, accelerate the practice
- yawns when I compare the item from yesterday with a grocery bag -- "how
- is it different?" This breaks unconscious associations of past with present, i.e., "Timebreaking"
- the BEAUTIFUL THING about beings who continue in their practice is that
- whatever was non-complementary and foolish about them yesterday might
- not be with them anymore today. This cannot be said for those
- who seek to satiate the mind with external distractions.
- There is a type of geometrical progression, or an apparency of it.
- Perhaps it is more like a spiral of progression, moving from the
- concentrated end of the spiral towards more and more expansion of the
- viewpoint within the spiral until up and out - at the point where one
- first came into the spiral. Wide open spaces and seeing many
- other possible spirals to explore -- seeing the games life gets up to
- from a magnificent view.
- If one simply saw life as bliss and joy one would not need to do a formal Repair of Importance.
- (feel love for my partner)
- I'm comparing the differences of yesterday when I was living my life
- looking inward and then living my life looking outward, both a
- different type of be-do-have with their own rewards, but more and
- more complementary with each other.
- I see how when I first attempted these practices I was very fussy towards my mind and felt my mind was the master -- that is beginning to turn
- I am out of this game of good vs evil within my mind
- I have to keep directing my mind back to simply yesterday -- stray memories pop in
- I notice there is a resistance to doing detailed looking/comparison of differences; mind automatically checks for similarities so I need to restore the balance of similarities and differences by emphasizing differences.
- a somatic when I actually put the item from the past right up against an object here and now -- some effort to do this
- seems to have something to do with assessment of relative importance, in this case - pleasure, the item from the past giving more pleasure than the object here and now
- I'm dropping the item from the past and looking at the tree here and comparing leaves (never did that deliberately before)
- [note to self: might be a good gradient into this exercise...first comparing objects in the here and now before moving on to bringing up objects from the past]
- have positive attitude/expectations
- realize I can mock up a memory and put it all around me or I can mock it up
- here and now and put it all around me -- I'm a bit confused and need to understand this better -- some questions arise as to if there is really any difference?
- I return to simply Direct Looking of yesterday's events -- no more meandering :-)
- Everything I re-view seems pleasurable, convivial
- everything is basically either right angles (squares, etc.) or curves (circles,
- spheres, etc.) and seems to be how the mind sees differences and
- similarities re line and form
- I see desire for attention - to be known
- I see how forcing to be known can result in rejection and felt as postulate failure, giving cause for being known through infliction of various possibilities. "That will know you to know me ... you won't forget that effect!" This can have the
- liability of turning a potential playmate into "you", wearing your postulate.
- two must-be-known'ers playing together, hmmm .... depends on how
- compulsive they are and their relative hierarchy in their conceived game; the one who is more willing to know the other will be the better player, creating more affinity
- still re-viewing yesterday
- looking at not wanting to know MH and her effects -- always talking about
- herself and me needing to listen when I really want to do other things more interesting to me, but I'm trying hard to pretend to be interested because she is above me in the game we are playing -- the benefactress
- are my affections false? Hard to admit -- but yes, I see false affection or interest. Feel more at ease when she is away
- However, therapeutically -- to quiet a compulsion one simply goes complementary with it, so I am on the right track. She wishes to be feted and acknowledged -- fete and acknowledge her and be sensitive to her consideration of postulate failure to be known.
- This is good practice for me about how to play with others.
- It does not have to be 100% of the time -- the mind likes a little challenge.
- return to direct looking - scenes from yesterday being brought up into the
- present for re-view
- yawns while running a comparison check -- some stuck energy from watching
- the movie, "Looper"
- Do I really want or need to be watching movies that create mental conflict? I can see there is a "want"
- the importance of the scenes in the movie are bleeding out (do a good repair of importance afterward)
Repair of Importance : a meditative white cat - 6 directions
Getting tired, End of Sit
6Nov14 Toward Vanishing the Mind
Even though this universe is life and postulates, Life can postulate "no game" and I believe this is another way to describe nirvana. Mind extra noisy since I started doing this exercise correctly. I have stepped off the playing field, this complicated hierarchy concerning the planet, and I feel very alone while everyone around me enjoys and/or suffers through their roles in life. I'm not fooling myself -- I still play a self-appointed, unacknowledged role and that contributes to my motivation to continue this "way".
Call it an internship, apprenticing myself to a Master.
a) self - a happy home
b) another - envision a nice scenario for RC, my twin in the sky
this is moving more smoothly - more quantity and faster, less human emotion and reaction
Okay, have to get to work.... things went better today than yesterday.
a) self
b) another
I recall a lifetime (1700's) where I last showed musical ability and around the age of 50 I dropped dead while conducting a boy's choir. I was quite embarrassed. The interesting thing is that the name my parents gave me in that life -- I always hated that name and would ask myself what kind of parents would name their child that? My birth name was very similar to the name this life, "cailin". Even though I have degraded myself through
the non-stop playing of games, ever reducing myself to where I am now afraid of my own shadow, figuratively speaking, I am thankful for this enforced rest stop and that I have a logically proven way to nirvana. "Nervy-ana", ha :-))
Even though this universe is life and postulates, Life can postulate "no game" and I believe this is another way to describe nirvana. Mind extra noisy since I started doing this exercise correctly. I have stepped off the playing field, this complicated hierarchy concerning the planet, and I feel very alone while everyone around me enjoys and/or suffers through their roles in life. I'm not fooling myself -- I still play a self-appointed, unacknowledged role and that contributes to my motivation to continue this "way".
Call it an internship, apprenticing myself to a Master.
a) self - a happy home
- as soon as I begin the mind wants to, as usual, solve this as a "problem" and the poor thing is nothing but conflicting postulates and wrong targets (enemies), however I, as a being, can simply speak and "it is" -- a new game of life without solutions that lie within the mental band of force. Now to get the mind quiet ...
- Just because my creation does not have 3D solidity does not make it any less real -- tell that to my mind :-)
- yawns
- - the trick is to keep doing this as "me" and not identifying with the mind's contributions and digging into the mind's storehouse of "happy/unhappy homes", and the mind's
- compulsive create turning on.
- who is "the governor"?
- The mind is ambitious for many things and collects many things, speaks loudly of many things, but the being lacks resolve to follow through
- - this needs to be re-envisioned
- one might say that creating one's realities this way is delusional, but the more I do this the more I'm seeing my current delusions about current realities
- I find it interesting that I have gained much knowledge about the mind and the being -- or have I?
- The mind can co-opt just about anything -- as an ego-builder
- My subjective knowingness is weak, but growing
- as I do this exercise desires and aversions and uncertainties, etc. come up and then wane as I continue, until the object or scene is quite detached from all that
- yawns, and going through the laughter band
- this exercise informs me that I do not have to put out effort of speech to convince another - my effort is re-directed toward convincing myself that I can change for the better
- I am learning the beauty of quietness and presence
- Okay, I think this is flat -- hard to tell for sure
b) another - envision a nice scenario for RC, my twin in the sky
this is moving more smoothly - more quantity and faster, less human emotion and reaction
Okay, have to get to work.... things went better today than yesterday.
a) self
b) another
I recall a lifetime (1700's) where I last showed musical ability and around the age of 50 I dropped dead while conducting a boy's choir. I was quite embarrassed. The interesting thing is that the name my parents gave me in that life -- I always hated that name and would ask myself what kind of parents would name their child that? My birth name was very similar to the name this life, "cailin". Even though I have degraded myself through
the non-stop playing of games, ever reducing myself to where I am now afraid of my own shadow, figuratively speaking, I am thankful for this enforced rest stop and that I have a logically proven way to nirvana. "Nervy-ana", ha :-))
8Aug15 Toward Vanishing the Mind
What I Saw During Last Self-Enquiry:
We followed the Idenics pattern of self-enquiry and again as usual I saw my mother and her mother all upset over her pregnancy and Dad leaving her because of it, etcetera. I disentangled myself from that some more - it's starting to get old hat. What was new was the perspective or view-point I was able to reach this time. The day before I had decided I wanted to meet the being who created this universe.
This is a rough sketch of what I came to see:
communication
<- tether ->
O-------||||---------O
Creator wall of confusion/separation created one
[-4 basic postulates-]
The enquiry began into emotions of intense hatred and anger, grief, frustration, self-destruction and were traced back to their source: I as "Aware" was looking at what is represented in the diagram above. Usually my view-point is stuck in "the created one" having a quite confusing and visceral experience, bouncing its head against and cursing the impenetrable postulate matrix and the one who is on the other side.
The Idenics self-enquiry pattern asks one to look for the confusion and the possible shift in the confusion and what was before the shift, and in this case the before-the-shift was from the view-point of the [delusional] creator to the confused and upset created one (one more cause and one more effect). The reason I say the Creator was delusional is because itself as the created one was like exclaiming, "What was I thinking ?!?!" while it was trying to fit into its newly reduced self, hardly knowing anymore that it was the creator also. My mind still recalls it as a big mess and still more to timebreak. Taking on a body is a similar experience I imagine.
However I have to admit that this time I did see a type of two-way communication or interaction tether or link so it was not as bad as I have been making it out to be, holding onto the past as if it were still happening. We did a lot of six-directions technique and making multiple copies to shake it loose before I could let go of the identification as the created one. What remained was a simpler me viewing what I diagrammed above.
Immediately after the session I lingered in the higher view-point for awhile but then hours later I had a hell of a post-session hangover with emotions of intense disgruntlement and resentment, a bit more outspoken about it too. So I corrected my error and did more Repair of Importance ("Bring S'thing into existence and put it all around you 360"). I really wanted to hang onto that and it was with effort I went through the creative exercise. The rest of the day I was perfectly fine and enjoyed a nice, mostly purposeless stroll down to the Post Office to get stamps. Not doing enough after session RI really put me in a pity-pot.
At one point during the day I realized I was taking a lot of space and feeling very spacious and good and so I purposely reduced my space, closed in on myself because I knew it would be the inevitable anyways. So I practiced both expanding and contracting. Also whatever I made "beautiful" I also made "ugly". There should not be this endless roller-coaster of duality, but rather a simple "is-ness", or at least a willingness to experience both view-points.
My clearing partner has a genius idea to introduce the self-enquiry pattern of Dennis' Level Four towards the end of the Idenics self-enquiry patter - when the person has recovered her higher viewpoint. " Were you forced to know...?", etcetera. I can't wait for the next rainy day to give it a good run.
Note to self: Joy and Grief appear to be two opposing values that I'm also sticking myself with and they should be addressed. I'm also starting to acknowledge sticking myself into the beingness of a "terraformer" and all its lesser beingnesses within that class of "terraformer". Soon it will be no more than a passing significance; however on the way home from the P.O. I picked up for seed-saving some crabapples, a pear, and ate some juniper berries. It can be those "currently valuable" identities that are hardest to let go of.
What I Saw During Last Self-Enquiry:
We followed the Idenics pattern of self-enquiry and again as usual I saw my mother and her mother all upset over her pregnancy and Dad leaving her because of it, etcetera. I disentangled myself from that some more - it's starting to get old hat. What was new was the perspective or view-point I was able to reach this time. The day before I had decided I wanted to meet the being who created this universe.
This is a rough sketch of what I came to see:
communication
<- tether ->
O-------||||---------O
Creator wall of confusion/separation created one
[-4 basic postulates-]
The enquiry began into emotions of intense hatred and anger, grief, frustration, self-destruction and were traced back to their source: I as "Aware" was looking at what is represented in the diagram above. Usually my view-point is stuck in "the created one" having a quite confusing and visceral experience, bouncing its head against and cursing the impenetrable postulate matrix and the one who is on the other side.
The Idenics self-enquiry pattern asks one to look for the confusion and the possible shift in the confusion and what was before the shift, and in this case the before-the-shift was from the view-point of the [delusional] creator to the confused and upset created one (one more cause and one more effect). The reason I say the Creator was delusional is because itself as the created one was like exclaiming, "What was I thinking ?!?!" while it was trying to fit into its newly reduced self, hardly knowing anymore that it was the creator also. My mind still recalls it as a big mess and still more to timebreak. Taking on a body is a similar experience I imagine.
However I have to admit that this time I did see a type of two-way communication or interaction tether or link so it was not as bad as I have been making it out to be, holding onto the past as if it were still happening. We did a lot of six-directions technique and making multiple copies to shake it loose before I could let go of the identification as the created one. What remained was a simpler me viewing what I diagrammed above.
Immediately after the session I lingered in the higher view-point for awhile but then hours later I had a hell of a post-session hangover with emotions of intense disgruntlement and resentment, a bit more outspoken about it too. So I corrected my error and did more Repair of Importance ("Bring S'thing into existence and put it all around you 360"). I really wanted to hang onto that and it was with effort I went through the creative exercise. The rest of the day I was perfectly fine and enjoyed a nice, mostly purposeless stroll down to the Post Office to get stamps. Not doing enough after session RI really put me in a pity-pot.
At one point during the day I realized I was taking a lot of space and feeling very spacious and good and so I purposely reduced my space, closed in on myself because I knew it would be the inevitable anyways. So I practiced both expanding and contracting. Also whatever I made "beautiful" I also made "ugly". There should not be this endless roller-coaster of duality, but rather a simple "is-ness", or at least a willingness to experience both view-points.
My clearing partner has a genius idea to introduce the self-enquiry pattern of Dennis' Level Four towards the end of the Idenics self-enquiry patter - when the person has recovered her higher viewpoint. " Were you forced to know...?", etcetera. I can't wait for the next rainy day to give it a good run.
Note to self: Joy and Grief appear to be two opposing values that I'm also sticking myself with and they should be addressed. I'm also starting to acknowledge sticking myself into the beingness of a "terraformer" and all its lesser beingnesses within that class of "terraformer". Soon it will be no more than a passing significance; however on the way home from the P.O. I picked up for seed-saving some crabapples, a pear, and ate some juniper berries.
It can be those "currently valuable" identities that are hardest to let go of.
7Feb16 Toward Vanishing the Mind
Decided to test out three or four self-enquiry methods using the same person, my clearing partner. The final method will be him helping me run the session, and making note of each method and the final result.
The mind is a machine that computes and solves problems based solely on input, so it is called an entity (does that make me the "ghost in the machine"?). "Data in and data out". It is "virused" with the vengeance mechanism, a deeply entrenched auto-response mechanism.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
A hammock in the forest
I'm liking these two processes because they are simple enough for the client to sit alone and ask of himself without need for a separate therapist, if he so chooses. My job is to keep him anchored in present time and make sure he duplicates the instructions and once he can be willing to be enough in present time to handle minor incidents on his own and knows to stop and run RI whenever he feels overwhelmed, and before and after a session, then he's graduated to testing out his ability to run solo.
Gradients, gradients, gradients, and simplicity, patience, compassion.
"Complicated minds require drastic measures" -- Tao Te Ching
The "bad man" is the "good man's" job -- Tao Te Ching
It is not my job to play the game of getting people to change their convictions - that is a trap too.
Decided to test out three or four self-enquiry methods using the same person, my clearing partner. The final method will be him helping me run the session, and making note of each method and the final result.
The mind is a machine that computes and solves problems based solely on input, so it is called an entity (does that make me the "ghost in the machine"?). "Data in and data out". It is "virused" with the vengeance mechanism, a deeply entrenched auto-response mechanism.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
A hammock in the forest
- mind turned on every sort of imaginable terror of the forest and I sat through all that Buddha-like
- Laughter of rejection finally turned on with each passing scene
- Keeping my eyes open so as to have awareness of present environment too (natural evaluation of past with present)
- Vrill, nephalim, cloners, bats, bigfoot, snakes, spiders, ants, bears, monkeys, mosquitos, crows, man ...
- "Bear taco"
- My, the universe sure is filled with life manifestations and mind is eating it all up - any importance will do...
- "To create" can be a real joy without compulsive input from the mind's databanks
- As I continue to re-examine and let go of old assumed beingnesses natural creativity increases in scope as limiters are removed (i.e., "must create" <> "must not create" frozen postulates).
- But for the purpose of this exercise I'm letting the mind be satiated so I sit through its agitations, continuously holding up the original creation I gave it. I honestly don't know if this is exactly what Dennis meant how to do RI - it does the job.
- After the mind finished overwhelming the body by "others" it gets to work on how to protect a body ("self") in a hammock in the forest.
- Demonstrates the duality of this universe - it's a two-terminal universe of "self" and "another" for life's games.
- My client just sent me a non-optimal message and I wanted to retreat to my hammock in the forest - kept running the RI and eventually the negative vibes came off in big yawns.
- In order to play the survival game one must have opposers, and situations of comparable or greater magnitude get insufferable when this postulate set is unconsciously on 24/7.
I'm liking these two processes because they are simple enough for the client to sit alone and ask of himself without need for a separate therapist, if he so chooses. My job is to keep him anchored in present time and make sure he duplicates the instructions and once he can be willing to be enough in present time to handle minor incidents on his own and knows to stop and run RI whenever he feels overwhelmed, and before and after a session, then he's graduated to testing out his ability to run solo.
Gradients, gradients, gradients, and simplicity, patience, compassion.
"Complicated minds require drastic measures" -- Tao Te Ching
The "bad man" is the "good man's" job -- Tao Te Ching
It is not my job to play the game of getting people to change their convictions - that is a trap too.
28Feb16 Toward Vanishing the Mind
Yesterday I experienced no emotions and I was really OKAY with that and saw that as a more desirable state than even the happy emotions and that is the direction this path is taking me in I suppose. Games must and do contain emotional expressions on a human level and one can blissfully play games once the mind is gutted. I will no longer be playing games with this old repeating mind.
My current case state is starting to transition from aesthetic entanglesments up the scale to ethics entanglements and I have been dramatizing my own ethical risks on others and myself, so that is the next level of case to get cleared out and I can see that it coincides with my strong reach to expose and clear out all game strategies. I'm simply foot dragging because my whole persona has been built around some very buried and entrenched game strategies and old identities that formed around those particular ways of being. Also I'm working on a person who is very alive and near to me, not dead parents.
The dry fast since the 22nd is helping me stop satiating my mind with snacks and do these activities instead. Also I enjoy the "ethics" of working with the body as a lifeform and communicating with its own body intelligence without identifying with it.
I'm also sporadically taking a nootropic "stack" of 1/2 modafinil tablet and 1/3 Lipodrene tablet. I might need to cut back on the Lipodrene during the dry fast as it's too impinging, but it does help me to "connect up" to a more refined awareness and ease of expression of higher truths. The stack is not helping my foot-dragging though and that might require a separate therapy to source that in the mind. For example, "with regard to foot dragging what incident are you stuck in?" ..... something along those lines to go looking for some deeply entrenched or buried decisions made in the past during a moment(s) of confusion.
I am allowing myself to be more aware and truthful about some of my better known (to myself at least) personas developed around non-life goals. I feel less stupid, although as I said I am dramatizing my past unethical behaviors and being very careful. For example, I had a bit of an internal argument while raking the leaves about whether I should pick up that can or just rake it aside with the leaves and it felt serious and finally I decided I better pick it up so that my whole track of "sins" doesn't come crashing in on me. So I'm still at risk and know it, but I have my two favorite activities here to fall back on so it's not like I'm going to be stuck in this temporary neurosis. I already went through much of this when I was dramatizing aesthetics.
In particular, with regards to ethics, I'm dramatizing all the times I had such a wonderful purpose that I reasoned that the ends justified the means, so I'm being very sensitive to that in myself and in others and very very careful about agreeing with others who even appear to be operating that way. For example, Ron Hubbard once said his purpose to get clearing tech delivered to the world was more important than people's [little] lives (he was referring to his research into the mind that might have messed up some people's minds, being an incorrect technique - he certainly did mess up some minds with wrong approaches, but he also came up with some real "winners" - or at least discovered them and popularized them). This does not jive with me at all, and I know in the past I would have done the same as him, but my sensitivity won't now allow me to do that. And I cringe if I think others might be doing that.
For example, discussing this with my clearing partner, he joshed with me and asked me what about the laborers in China who are exploited to make your laptop? I was so happy to be able to answer him that I got this laptop from the electronics compartment at the local dump and so I did not contribute directly to the degrading system. SO THERE!!! conscience clean (where's my halo?).
Repair of Importances (self/another)
Practicing the corrected RI - putting things around me in my actual space feels much better now and I see how I was once again making things more difficult than they should have been, although it was not entirely fruitless, just not efficient prepping for the core activity of timebreaking.
Self: I'm still playing around with a crystal sphere and being more flexible about finding the correct comfortable gradient. For example the sphere can still be 360-degrees and be flattened underneath me while I'm sitting cross-legged on my mat. It's work though, and admittedly getting easier the more I practice. I've also decided to start "talking out loud" my creation as I'm attempting to get it clearly placed around me.
Another
I'm usually careless about this side of the practice and will be more sincere about it now.
I like to choose people I live with and I want to stick with simple objects that are not too difficult to bring into existence in a 360-degree formation
I also think it important to have them bring something into existence that would be real [important] for them too because I think one of the purposes of working with "another" is to get more comfortable and able to get into another's viewpoint regarding their own importances; however, I do see that it could also be an exercise in pan-determinism - getting "another" to bring something into existence that is complementary with my own goal(s).
Dennis does imply that these two practices together along with his teaching on the mind and games play will remove one's back-off about using pan-determinism in games play; however I'm still very sensitive to covert game strategies and so not quite comfortable with that yet and, given my case history, it would still be more therapeutic to continue to work on grooving in to being complementary with another's viewpoint and goal(s).
Core Timebreaking Practice - Level Three
If fear to approach this very revealing activity keeps feeling like a stop then I will drop down a notch and go and source that feeling, but let's give it a good college try. See, I am learning about my mind and how to better work within my case limitations, not striving for the absolute to happen right here and now.
RE Eating how have you handled _____________?"
OKAY, let the mind rip ....
RI to seal off the session.
End of Sit
Yesterday I experienced no emotions and I was really OKAY with that and saw that as a more desirable state than even the happy emotions and that is the direction this path is taking me in I suppose. Games must and do contain emotional expressions on a human level and one can blissfully play games once the mind is gutted. I will no longer be playing games with this old repeating mind.
My current case state is starting to transition from aesthetic entanglesments up the scale to ethics entanglements and I have been dramatizing my own ethical risks on others and myself, so that is the next level of case to get cleared out and I can see that it coincides with my strong reach to expose and clear out all game strategies. I'm simply foot dragging because my whole persona has been built around some very buried and entrenched game strategies and old identities that formed around those particular ways of being. Also I'm working on a person who is very alive and near to me, not dead parents.
The dry fast since the 22nd is helping me stop satiating my mind with snacks and do these activities instead. Also I enjoy the "ethics" of working with the body as a lifeform and communicating with its own body intelligence without identifying with it.
I'm also sporadically taking a nootropic "stack" of 1/2 modafinil tablet and 1/3 Lipodrene tablet. I might need to cut back on the Lipodrene during the dry fast as it's too impinging, but it does help me to "connect up" to a more refined awareness and ease of expression of higher truths. The stack is not helping my foot-dragging though and that might require a separate therapy to source that in the mind. For example, "with regard to foot dragging what incident are you stuck in?" ..... something along those lines to go looking for some deeply entrenched or buried decisions made in the past during a moment(s) of confusion.
I am allowing myself to be more aware and truthful about some of my better known (to myself at least) personas developed around non-life goals. I feel less stupid, although as I said I am dramatizing my past unethical behaviors and being very careful. For example, I had a bit of an internal argument while raking the leaves about whether I should pick up that can or just rake it aside with the leaves and it felt serious and finally I decided I better pick it up so that my whole track of "sins" doesn't come crashing in on me. So I'm still at risk and know it, but I have my two favorite activities here to fall back on so it's not like I'm going to be stuck in this temporary neurosis. I already went through much of this when I was dramatizing aesthetics.
In particular, with regards to ethics, I'm dramatizing all the times I had such a wonderful purpose that I reasoned that the ends justified the means, so I'm being very sensitive to that in myself and in others and very very careful about agreeing with others who even appear to be operating that way. For example, Ron Hubbard once said his purpose to get clearing tech delivered to the world was more important than people's [little] lives (he was referring to his research into the mind that might have messed up some people's minds, being an incorrect technique - he certainly did mess up some minds with wrong approaches, but he also came up with some real "winners" - or at least discovered them and popularized them). This does not jive with me at all, and I know in the past I would have done the same as him, but my sensitivity won't now allow me to do that. And I cringe if I think others might be doing that.
For example, discussing this with my clearing partner, he joshed with me and asked me what about the laborers in China who are exploited to make your laptop? I was so happy to be able to answer him that I got this laptop from the electronics compartment at the local dump and so I did not contribute directly to the degrading system. SO THERE!!! conscience clean
(where's my halo?).Repair of Importances (self/another)
Practicing the corrected RI - putting things around me in my actual space feels much better now and I see how I was once again making things more difficult than they should have been, although it was not entirely fruitless, just not efficient prepping for the core activity of timebreaking.
Self: I'm still playing around with a crystal sphere and being more flexible about finding the correct comfortable gradient. For example the sphere can still be 360-degrees and be flattened underneath me while I'm sitting cross-legged on my mat. It's work though, and admittedly getting easier the more I practice. I've also decided to start "talking out loud" my creation as I'm attempting to get it clearly placed around me.
- The "change" that occurs starts with yawns (body tension - case manifestation that's yet to be resolved, probably tied in with the traumatic near loss-of-body incident in childhood - a good guess anyways; it can also be a manifestation of the loosening up of a long held lose/lose games goals, because I clearly instigated the child rapist using a couple of other personas I had collected in my travels, and he resonated with and went complementary with the self-destructive lose/lose personas.) And you thought all children are born innocent :-))
- More yawns and possibly the yawns can also be related to breaking through mental barriers RE creating, which is one of the intents of this exercise. I'm also seeing the mental and physical tensions of the day arising and leaving with the yawns ... for example, the hard to experience jitteriness caused by the caffeine in the Lipodrene.
- A spate of yawns causing me to pause and let it pass. I saw a protest RE ethics arise and fall. Saw that I'm possibly being too hard on myself and that I've been playing that game for a long time and need to let it go.
- Yeah, so this type of RI really clears away the entwined physical and mental tensions so that one can be ready to do the timebreaking activity. AND ALL I HAVE TO DO is focus to put some simple [relatively important] created object all around me!!!
- Amazing ain't it?? THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO DO!!!! Another Helen Keller moment :-) Gollee, was I making it hard for myself!!!
- I'm still making it hard for myself, but less so, and I now have regained some lost confidence I had in myself doing this activity.
- I can make the glass clear or less clear and careful not to go into a total not-know about it by making it too clear.
- The question came up, well, how did you make it? and my answer is I simply brought it into existence, and, yes I could go back to the sands and move it to a factory, etcetera, etcetera., and I suppose that would be okay too but the being can simply bring things into existence - whatever it can know it can bring into existence to be known.
- We are moving away from 100% reliance on physical universe chi-matter creation, back to earlier times before that became popularized.
- I decided I don't have to look behind me to see that I am putting it behind me - I know it is behind me and I know I can perceive it if I wish to.
- If eggs were shaped like this they wouldn't try to roll off the counter top :-))
- I see I'm getting lighter, less serious and yawning stopped for now
- I'm inspecting my "egg" and feeling what it feels like to be enclosed in it 360-degrees, experiencing that for a bit before I move on.
- Caffeine jitters gone, more relaxed, more "here", time to move on
Another
I'm usually careless about this side of the practice and will be more sincere about it now.
I like to choose people I live with and I want to stick with simple objects that are not too difficult to bring into existence in a 360-degree formation
I also think it important to have them bring something into existence that would be real [important] for them too because I think one of the purposes of working with "another" is to get more comfortable and able to get into another's viewpoint regarding their own importances; however, I do see that it could also be an exercise in pan-determinism - getting "another" to bring something into existence that is complementary with my own goal(s).
Dennis does imply that these two practices together along with his teaching on the mind and games play will remove one's back-off about using pan-determinism in games play; however I'm still very sensitive to covert game strategies and so not quite comfortable with that yet and, given my case history, it would still be more therapeutic to continue to work on grooving in to being complementary with another's viewpoint and goal(s).
- So I pause while I look and see what would be easy to bring into existence and be something that person would consider important in some way..... like something they already own.
- Okay, M-I-Law has a bluish glass sphere so I'll see how that works for me
- So, I have her bringing it into existence interactive with me and I accept it and place it around me 360. Whew! I know that someday this won't be so laborious, and will be simply routine.
- She's holding out her empty hands and bringing it into existence in her hands and I take it up and enlarge it to put it all around me. Now, if I had her put it all around her first ...... ??
- I'm expanding it by holding it in my hands and stretching my arms out to enlarge it.
- I'm going through these gyrations (or gradients) because I'm still not at ease with suddenly deciding that it is wholly all around me 360. That still does not feel "real" to me, or I'm still working into the idea of placing things around me (probably some resistance to work through)
- I also want to make sure I'm not just "quickie'ing" this exercise to hastily get it over with, and I may be going too far in the other direction of being too careful. That will get sorted out.
- I'm trying my best to see it, perceive it in full color and form but I'm still somewhat occluded so that also accounts for my awkwardnesses with this activity. I have what is called, "an occluded case", not as bad as some, and it can be dispatched with some work done.
- It's a good thing I don't have to hire someone to help me through my lower case - I'd be spending more than half my income and taxing that poor fella's patience; although I do run very well in timebreaking sessions according to my clearing partner.
- Well,VOILA! After all that pussyfooting around (I'm a storehouse of idioms) I simply took a chance and put it all around me.
- WHADDYA KNOW!!! Probably a freak moment, eh!
- But I'm feeling very much like the joke's on me and I'm okay with that and maybe now I can do some timebreaking - oooooooh, scary. What demons will come out?? Kidding aside, I'm optimistic and willing to see whatever comes up - I think.
- If I weren't on a dry fast this would be the time I would get a nice tall cool glass of water.
Core Timebreaking Practice - Level Three
If fear to approach this very revealing activity keeps feeling like a stop then I will drop down a notch and go and source that feeling, but let's give it a good college try. See, I am learning about my mind and how to better work within my case limitations, not striving for the absolute to happen right here and now.
RE Eating how have you handled _____________?"
OKAY, let the mind rip ....
- I was trying to maneuver him to get my coveted grape juice as a rather automatic game I play with him and with my mind, even though it does not yet indicate to me to end the dry fast. I was working with myself to stay in the present regarding physical labor requirements versus the dry fast requirement for lessened body activity. I see I finally did the right thing so I'm glad for that.
- I see that today, as usual I wanted to handle him on his diet of processed foods and seeing that it could have something to do with his feeblenesses, but I knew that would not go well with him, and I knew he would only agree to handle his body through timebreaking, if he does at all. I know he is attempting to handle his body using the Meta-Medicine charts and data.
- Take another look at that protest ...
- I'm working through a need to handle him on his diet - a lot of concerns and worries come up around that plus the opposite swing into carelessness ... and I'm ready to let go of the compulsions embodied there with their attached game strategies
- This process the way I'm breaking it down into separate goals is working well for me, especially after doing a noticeably good RI
- Feeling the loss of failure to handle him but not wanting to give up and instead wanting to try harder - some other strategy I have not thought up yet?
- I'm sure this is "female case"
- Related past comes up with family members
- Also see something about being forced or forcing others to swallow pills or eat mind-altering/poisoning doctored foods
- Oh, yes, that time I fell off my horse after eating poisoned fruit leather .... hahaha ... and it was such a perfect life!
- [Repeating the enquiry all along during this activity to keep the case moving]
- Oh, I have poisoned others or attempted to in other lifetimes and so I'm being overly sensitive about one's eating habits, eating poisonous junk food, making a big importance out of it too. I also see times when I really enjoyed experiencing the effect I was creating on that person or persons. It all fits in with my original lose/lose postulates.
- I'm seeing where I've also agreed to or unknowingly took in a poison or mind-altering limitation
- I also see I'm dramatizing my unethical abuse of my own body for sake of the food sensations I grew accustomed to in this society.
- So, on the other side of the coin I have also handled him, using his habits as an excuse, to continue to ignore my body's intelligence about its native diet, so I also prompted and encouraged him in his habits for my own purposes, pretending to be complementary with him.
- It was good that I was not giving him any flak about his diet but I did not need to go to the other extreme in order to continue my childhood nostalgic habituations and unmet desires re food sensations, because I am very aware that I can cleanse and change my taste buds over to preferring natural foods according to this body's intelligence by changing habits and education.
- I have handled him by using imploring methods to get him to buy me foods that I know he has no affinity for and I keep trying to work up some affinity in him with no successes so I degraded myself into imploring methods, almost selective propitiation, like ...
- "Honey, I know you have no affinity for the foods I prefer but would you please allow me to buy this?" Things like that.
- Also, I see where I got a bit pushy expecting resistance to what I feel I should have to eat, which I see is coming from my own mind's barriers and I'm projecting that on him.
- He is not against my diet, only against my trying to force it on him or concerns about money because fresh fruits can be more expensive than a 12-pack of ramen noodles, so yes, he may be having a stop in that regard, and so I am too, and I guess that's why I decided to go onto the dry fast while I'm working on resolving through these game strategies I play on myself and on him. So it was also an ethical consideration and I feel more ethical doing the dry fast.
- Okay, I also see how just because one is "next to god" eating raw fruits does not mean they need to self-induge in it, and I've seen some fruitarians really self-induge and that makes them no better than a junk-food junkie, except that they probably won't get any diseases or cancers from doing that.
- I've cleverly engaged him in helping me select the ripest watermelons, trusting on him to do it, and the same with avocados. He really is quite good at it, but I was also thinking myself very clever, which implies a game strategy, doesn't it?
- In fact, I recall now, it was him who showed me how to test for a ripe apple.
- Of course we all enjoy it when our intimate one is complementary with something that we feel is life-refreshing, but I see how I was projecting the games barriers in my own mind and involving him too.
- My latest strategy was to encourage him more into eating the canned fruits as he likes them and I even proposed to build a stock of canned fruits, but then he got tired of eating them always and so now they are only an occasional part of his diet, if at all anymore.
- Gee, except for the chewable vitamins, my children always ate whatever I put on the plate in front of them. If I had to do it over I would train their young and data absorbing minds into preferring raw fruits - so much more fun than what I was cooking up for them. But somehow they made it through childhood with none of the usual childhood sicknesses and seem fairly healthy, so I must have been doing something life-enhancing for their little bodies.
- I play convincing games with him when I want to purchase something that I know is a bit pricey and might seem to him like a luxury item. i'm constantly feeling the need to defend or go on the offensive regarding my food selections, and a lot of that is because I myself know when I'm merely satiating, self-indulging the mind. This has become an ethical issues for me.
- For a long time I've felt a need or entrenched decision that in order to make my body systems work well I need to stuff myself, and stuffing myself also satiates the mind.
- I'm so not used to sharing a budget with someone, being so economically "one" with a person. And it is not that he is not generous when he can afford to be, and he is making gallant attempts to be complementary - within a budget, and I do need to curb eating for pure self-indulgence and distraction, etcetera, but simply to meet the body's needs (a de-toxed body that is not warped on the standard American diet and feeding the desires of the craven inner critters).
- So, in conclusion in this session, I see that I'm really in need of and reaching to handle myself. Attempts to handle him with various game strategies was simply a way of living that I had become accustomed to and it is currently not my path.
- I am starting to handle myself, starting with this dry fast which is going very well - me and my body tick-tocking along smoothly with each other. My body puts up almost no protest re no food and drink. I do feel the hunger in my throat, but on good advices I know to only break the fast when the hunger comes from the belly, where that particular "brain" is located. All I feel from the belly is its healing work, taking advantage of the not-eating cycle.
- I realize I also employ a game strategy of giving out lots of "reasons why" instead of merely stating a simple basic truth, such as "It indicates to me right now". Then if he wants to break out his chart and discover what mental issues accompany that I'm fine with that and willing to take a look. Almost everything we do that seems right to us is still a product of the mind, so open to examination and nulling. There are no sacred cows here :-))
- Truthfully, the ONLY sacred thing we do is this mind vanishing activity.
RI to seal off the session.
End of Sit
4Mar16 Toward Vanishing the Mind
Day eleven of dryfast and no body stressors. Mind playing with sensations of thirst and satiation of thirst that comes and goes, so obviously not of the body. Still pee and tongue not swollen so body is okay. Body is content like a sleeping baby and it gives me almost no issue. This type of de-tox is so much better than the "wet" de-toxes (water and juicing de-tox fasts). Air moist and cool and it feels it is soaking into the skin and lungs. I guess that is why Yeshua went into the desert - to do a real proper dryfast. Body incinerating and can feel the heat in various places - mostly neck/throat/vertebrae.
It is almost a "loss of importances" and last night I had to create a lot of beautiful bodies all around me and was dreaming of returning next life as a handsome Thai woman.
Wishing for a real Finnish sauna to accelerate the de-tox. Will the body ever need to eat or drink again? Can it re-train itself? First out with all the unnecessaries and then we will know. I already know, and it is my mind that lags.
Do those who believe they own this planet and these bodies (and thus our souls) - do they want the body to live or die? I'm seeking to play a win/win game with all - no biases. No need to consider having opposers if not attached to having or not having a body to interact with, and sometimes it feels like they are trying to push us out of our bodies or get us to further degrade our bodies to keep us trapped within them. How does one play a win/win game in those circumstances?
Thus my current focus on the first dynamic of self, particularly the mind/brain/body complex that I'm so heavily identified with and dependent upon for sensory stimulation. What does the body really need and want versus what my mind needs to be satisfied?
There are two types of exteriorization: to escape "reality" or to be more detachedly present with "reality".
Except for when I command it, the body is like an old dog and just likes to chill out or sleep. It dutifully obeys my commands though and will do work, which is better than I can say for my mind, ha! I think it would prefer to work outdoors, in natural settings.
Even once I manage to maintain a viewpoint exterior (detached) to the body I am still running a physical body in a society that seems to have a love/hate relationship with beings who do such. It seems the more ideal scene is to simply operate using a solid looking projection of a body that needs neither food nor shelter but can still interact as long as one feels they need to, and I still need to.
The question is not when were you first confused? The question is even milder, "When were you first surprised?" and could be canonized into "Tell me a surprise." with of course the dichotomous command.
*But of course placing postulate "A" over there and postulate "B" across from it and letting the sparks fly between them is an all encompassing technique. So back to the basics of vanishing the mind which is nothing but a postulate structure with a lot of viscera attached to it.
Of course, if all of this is an illusion/delusion then why am I crying wholeheartedly over my sins? Because I did not play a good game - a win/win game. I never mastered the game, and now I feel so degraded and degrading of the "others" ["Tell me a game."], all of us sitting by the waters of the Babylon bemoaning the times when we had real unity, not this lower harmonic unity. So now, it is appropriate it seems to devote some time to vanishing the mind of its covert game strategies and non-life goals.... a no more tears formula
For example, I imagine as a being there have been many sins against bodies which would account for me being in a love/hate relationship with bodies, wanting to protect bodies, abusing the body for personal satisfaction, being made wrong by bodies, etcetera, etcetera. So that now bodies or a body are included within the dynamic of "self". That would include every persona I'm keeping in persistence because I was convinced that I harmed that persona, or it was a winning persona - and now it is me/mine. You've heard of people sometimes continuing the persona of a recently deceased parent, becoming even more like them.
Never to forget though that bodies and personas and entities and chi affinitized into matter are nothing but postulate structures, so Level Five is still the Holy Grail to resolve all of this. And I've tasked myself while I am on Level Three, before I incinerate my mind doing Level Five, that I will focus on exposing and vanishing covert game strategies that have caused so much degradation.
Read and bookmarked every article I could find about people who do dryfasting and doctors who are experienced in supervising a dryfast. Tomorrow up at 6a.m. to start my first 10 seconds of sungazing.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
Had to step outside in the cool moist air and hug a tree for awhile before I could feel logical again :-))
yawning (I'm always surprised at how much I really needed to do this exercise)
Another
Done
Level Three Timebreaking
Not ready for another round of this yet - tomorrow.
*For example: Place Postulate "A", "I want to know the grocery store" in one location in the room, where you can be aware it is there; then place Postulate "B" "You must not know the grocery store" in another location across from Postulate "A"; hold both of them up together and see what happens in the space between them (in your mind). Keep eyes open while seeing/feeling what the mind throws up. Keep doing that until no more change. This is the extent of the exercise in Level Five, using the basic postulate structure of the mind and its possible interactions. It will handle the struggles against the mind and struggles with "others".
Day eleven of dryfast and no body stressors. Mind playing with sensations of thirst and satiation of thirst that comes and goes, so obviously not of the body. Still pee and tongue not swollen so body is okay. Body is content like a sleeping baby and it gives me almost no issue. This type of de-tox is so much better than the "wet" de-toxes (water and juicing de-tox fasts). Air moist and cool and it feels it is soaking into the skin and lungs. I guess that is why Yeshua went into the desert - to do a real proper dryfast. Body incinerating and can feel the heat in various places - mostly neck/throat/vertebrae.
It is almost a "loss of importances" and last night I had to create a lot of beautiful bodies all around me and was dreaming of returning next life as a handsome Thai woman.
Wishing for a real Finnish sauna to accelerate the de-tox. Will the body ever need to eat or drink again? Can it re-train itself? First out with all the unnecessaries and then we will know. I already know, and it is my mind that lags.
Do those who believe they own this planet and these bodies (and thus our souls) - do they want the body to live or die? I'm seeking to play a win/win game with all - no biases. No need to consider having opposers if not attached to having or not having a body to interact with, and sometimes it feels like they are trying to push us out of our bodies or get us to further degrade our bodies to keep us trapped within them. How does one play a win/win game in those circumstances?
Thus my current focus on the first dynamic of self, particularly the mind/brain/body complex that I'm so heavily identified with and dependent upon for sensory stimulation. What does the body really need and want versus what my mind needs to be satisfied?
There are two types of exteriorization: to escape "reality" or to be more detachedly present with "reality".
Except for when I command it, the body is like an old dog and just likes to chill out or sleep. It dutifully obeys my commands though and will do work, which is better than I can say for my mind, ha! I think it would prefer to work outdoors, in natural settings.
Even once I manage to maintain a viewpoint exterior (detached) to the body I am still running a physical body in a society that seems to have a love/hate relationship with beings who do such. It seems the more ideal scene is to simply operate using a solid looking projection of a body that needs neither food nor shelter but can still interact as long as one feels they need to, and I still need to.
The question is not when were you first confused? The question is even milder, "When were you first surprised?" and could be canonized into "Tell me a surprise." with of course the dichotomous command.
*But of course placing postulate "A" over there and postulate "B" across from it and letting the sparks fly between them is an all encompassing technique. So back to the basics of vanishing the mind which is nothing but a postulate structure with a lot of viscera attached to it.
Of course, if all of this is an illusion/delusion then why am I crying wholeheartedly over my sins? Because I did not play a good game - a win/win game. I never mastered the game, and now I feel so degraded and degrading of the "others" ["Tell me a game."], all of us sitting by the waters of the Babylon bemoaning the times when we had real unity, not this lower harmonic unity. So now, it is appropriate it seems to devote some time to vanishing the mind of its covert game strategies and non-life goals.... a no more tears formula
For example, I imagine as a being there have been many sins against bodies which would account for me being in a love/hate relationship with bodies, wanting to protect bodies, abusing the body for personal satisfaction, being made wrong by bodies, etcetera, etcetera. So that now bodies or a body are included within the dynamic of "self". That would include every persona I'm keeping in persistence because I was convinced that I harmed that persona, or it was a winning persona - and now it is me/mine. You've heard of people sometimes continuing the persona of a recently deceased parent, becoming even more like them.
Never to forget though that bodies and personas and entities and chi affinitized into matter are nothing but postulate structures, so Level Five is still the Holy Grail to resolve all of this. And I've tasked myself while I am on Level Three, before I incinerate my mind doing Level Five, that I will focus on exposing and vanishing covert game strategies that have caused so much degradation.
Read and bookmarked every article I could find about people who do dryfasting and doctors who are experienced in supervising a dryfast. Tomorrow up at 6a.m. to start my first 10 seconds of sungazing.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
Had to step outside in the cool moist air and hug a tree for awhile before I could feel logical again :-))
yawning (I'm always surprised at how much I really needed to do this exercise)
Another
Done
Level Three Timebreaking
Not ready for another round of this yet - tomorrow.
*For example: Place Postulate "A", "I want to know the grocery store" in one location in the room, where you can be aware it is there; then place Postulate "B" "You must not know the grocery store" in another location across from Postulate "A"; hold both of them up together and see what happens in the space between them (in your mind). Keep eyes open while seeing/feeling what the mind throws up. Keep doing that until no more change. This is the extent of the exercise in Level Five, using the basic postulate structure of the mind and its possible interactions. It will handle the struggles against the mind and struggles with "others".
12Mar16 Toward Vanishing the Mind - "Thanks, I needed that!"
Regaining strength from 13-day absolute dryfast and eating varied fruits. I learned that if I really want to suffer and aggressively pull toxins from the body I should simply limit my diet to (peeled, seeded) lemon smoothies with a pinch of red pepper. The 13-day dryfast was preferred to that experience.
The long absolute dryfast combined with the sudden disappearance of any past issues or covert games strategies with my parents gained me a clearer conscience, a re-alignment of what's really important, no more panicky attacks, fewer stray fears, less worries about a current family issue, more laughing, more able to express my truth in a nicer way than before (still a bit playful antagonistic at times, but much firmer in my decisions to follow my own ethics). I find I'm loving the person more than the game or the game accessories. I've started digging deeper into contemplation of Level Five.
My approach as a counselor is very different too - meeker. I am simply a self-enquiry guide and as much as possible I get them to do all the work and I'm happy to be a "nobody". The body is also much calmer, although there is still much stagnant lymph and I will be doing more lymphatic de-toxing from the brain and gut, and de-toxing and nurturing the glands, but this was a sufficient re-set for me for now. My diet is Saatvic for sure - alkalyzing fruits.
All during the dryfast I enjoyed the koan "Why are you in need of nothing?", if it can be called that? Sometimes I would disappear in a buttery swirl. Still need an inordinate amount of naps after any physical exertion. Dog seems to like me more....it's mutual.
RE-Listened to Dennis' lecture re Covert Game Strategies and felt the hot tears of shame of one leaving today - how I'm coming to love those hot tears of shame I feel like I'm beating Dennis at his own game, introducing this technique at such an early stage of TROM. But he did say 99% of games strategies are analytically decided upon in childhood - how could I leave that alone!?!
Had a new person today and he did very well with the "To Handle" self-enquiry. [NOTE: he did not reply to my latest inquiry]
Discovered a FB "DryFast" group and they've been very helpful... and it looks like I will learn how to wisely incorporate that more frequently into my ongoing body de-tox.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
Very much enjoying new approach to RI: take a postulate and add mass to it and put that all around me. Today's postulare was "To Be Free", for self and for another, and I simply created scenes that represented that and put those scenes all around me. I swore I could actually smell those ylang-ylang blossoms.
It sounds like a great prep for Level Five, which is merely putting up the raw postulate and letting the mind fill in with and discharge whatever scenes is has stored in its memorybanks.
Big yawns
The only thing that is really important is not getting stuck here because you are convinced you are only a human :-)
On the other side of the coin one can also find freedom in being human - by compassionate choice.
In whatever, one need never see themselves as "stuck", unless they do it consciously and are happily stuck :-)
"Happy to be stuck with you."
Level Three Timebreaking using the "To Handle" Self-Enquiry
I want to stick with the 1st Dynamic of "Self" until I'm satisfied with it.
I timebreaked a stream of scenes related to the struggle between wanting to be human and not wanting to be human.
I realized I have to stop this put-on happiness - I just really spotted what I was doing. Not helpful to dhukka to think I'm happy when it is just "efforting".
So, let's continue to take steps to come clean re "bodies".
"How have you handled your body?"
spirals of life
What if all these universes interact and compose a larger body?
quantities of biospheres
How has your body handled you?
I'm also starting to see how my body has been handled.
What does freedom on the first dynamic of "self" mean to me now?
Here's a good dharma-joke: "Sometimes my mind is so noisy I can't hear the ringing in my ears."
Regaining strength from 13-day absolute dryfast and eating varied fruits. I learned that if I really want to suffer and aggressively pull toxins from the body I should simply limit my diet to (peeled, seeded) lemon smoothies with a pinch of red pepper. The 13-day dryfast was preferred to that experience.
The long absolute dryfast combined with the sudden disappearance of any past issues or covert games strategies with my parents gained me a clearer conscience, a re-alignment of what's really important, no more panicky attacks, fewer stray fears, less worries about a current family issue, more laughing, more able to express my truth in a nicer way than before (still a bit playful antagonistic at times, but much firmer in my decisions to follow my own ethics). I find I'm loving the person more than the game or the game accessories. I've started digging deeper into contemplation of Level Five.
My approach as a counselor is very different too - meeker. I am simply a self-enquiry guide and as much as possible I get them to do all the work and I'm happy to be a "nobody". The body is also much calmer, although there is still much stagnant lymph and I will be doing more lymphatic de-toxing from the brain and gut, and de-toxing and nurturing the glands, but this was a sufficient re-set for me for now. My diet is Saatvic for sure - alkalyzing fruits.
All during the dryfast I enjoyed the koan "Why are you in need of nothing?", if it can be called that? Sometimes I would disappear in a buttery swirl. Still need an inordinate amount of naps after any physical exertion. Dog seems to like me more....it's mutual.
RE-Listened to Dennis' lecture re Covert Game Strategies and felt the hot tears of shame of one leaving today - how I'm coming to love those hot tears of shame
I feel like I'm beating Dennis at his own game, introducing this technique at such an early stage of TROM. But he did say 99% of games strategies are analytically decided upon in childhood - how could I leave that alone!?!Had a new person today and he did very well with the "To Handle" self-enquiry. [NOTE: he did not reply to my latest inquiry]
Discovered a FB "DryFast" group and they've been very helpful... and it looks like I will learn how to wisely incorporate that more frequently into my ongoing body de-tox.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
Very much enjoying new approach to RI: take a postulate and add mass to it and put that all around me. Today's postulare was "To Be Free", for self and for another, and I simply created scenes that represented that and put those scenes all around me. I swore I could actually smell those ylang-ylang blossoms.
It sounds like a great prep for Level Five, which is merely putting up the raw postulate and letting the mind fill in with and discharge whatever scenes is has stored in its memorybanks.
Big yawns
The only thing that is really important is not getting stuck here because you are convinced you are only a human :-)
On the other side of the coin one can also find freedom in being human - by compassionate choice.
In whatever, one need never see themselves as "stuck", unless they do it consciously and are happily stuck :-)
"Happy to be stuck with you."
Level Three Timebreaking using the "To Handle" Self-Enquiry
I want to stick with the 1st Dynamic of "Self" until I'm satisfied with it.
I timebreaked a stream of scenes related to the struggle between wanting to be human and not wanting to be human.
I realized I have to stop this put-on happiness - I just really spotted what I was doing. Not helpful to dhukka to think I'm happy when it is just "efforting".
So, let's continue to take steps to come clean re "bodies".
"How have you handled your body?"
- Big yawns - timebreaking scenes that come up
- putting it in unecessary danger
- using it to build up my ego instead of simply enjoying it and being content with it
- using it for status and recognition and "favors"
- to try to dominate males, mess with them (a non-life covert game strategy against males); there is sensation associated with this, both when winning and when losing.
- unnecessary or non-optimum skin applications
- An IP ("Impossibility Point") state for and against the body discharged and the realization followed that with compassion there is always freedom, whether with a body or without a body
- To make a false impression - to project a desired, but false beingness (not doing the inner work first)
- I'm feeling more affinity towards body now - like a beloved pet, and with no unusual demands on it
- All of the above compulsions feel lessened.
- The body appreciates being allowed to go into healing/de-toxing modes
- The body likes fruits but it doesn't go gaga! over them - rather bland re eating
- bodies belong in a native habitat of fruit forests - at least this body sentience says so - and the problem is the mind has other memories and attempted to re-inject former societies here on earth, or connect up with former [lost] societies "out there".
- When I asked the body, "How does being alone seem to you?" I got the idea of colonies and constellations of life that compose the body. Thus the body has an outward stillness that the mind does not.
- Reading about proper care of the body is for the mind only and necessary to keep the mind complementary with the body.
- Part of this body's great contentment is that it needs eat only freely offered fruits, berries, and melons and so is mostly complementary with the biosphere - no covert game strategies of the predator or prey. It is only abberrated by contagion, living in a mostly predator/prey environment... a biosphere that has been tampered with.
- Only the first dynamic of the body was addressed in this sit. Not much foray into sexing, the Second Dynamic.
- I asked it how does its lymph system seem to it now and got a surprised-joy response - very approving and happy, keep up the great work, me getting out of its way and allowing it to do its work. Feeling that stomach/digestive tract has been over-rated, out-of-balance, swollen - still needs some attention. Almost a feeling that the digestive tract was a later addition - or tampering by mentally busy game players, and/or the tampered food, but it's not making a big drama out of it, it just noted it.
- When I ask about the brain centers I pick up on a more solid feeling, perhaps an irresonance or irrelevance that could be resolved.
- I see I will also need to discharge some energy re the tampering or destruction of the biosphere and mind's attempt to come up with unusual, complicated solutions; definitely some compulsions there.
spirals of life
What if all these universes interact and compose a larger body?
quantities of biospheres
How has your body handled you?
I'm also starting to see how my body has been handled.
What does freedom on the first dynamic of "self" mean to me now?
- full operational capabilities as a body self (healthy body) (eventually stretching beyond)
- mind no longer impinges on body <> body no longer impinges on mind
- volitional vs compulsive be-do-have (achieved through mental clearing work)
- appreciation of self-life, self-sustaining
Here's a good dharma-joke: "Sometimes my mind is so noisy I can't hear the ringing in my ears."
4-9April16 Toward Vanishing the Mind
New person very easy to work with and he had a good energy release. He is running the "To Handle" self-enquiry.
I studied a bit about cognitive therapy; and MK Ultra mind implantation techniques (covert game strategies)
Honestly not looking forward to these "To Handle" sessions and doing RI usually cures that and I can enter a sit with a positive attitude.
RE the next extended dryfast, I will clean the gut for 30 days with an herbal formula and continue on a fruit diet, eating less and less. The large watermelons should be in the store soon.
Have a renewed interest in Level Two - it still produces yawns (i.e., "change").
Habitually seeking sensation through interaction with another leads to much ups and downs on both sides. Feeling grateful.
Even though I've barely touched on my Second Dynamic case I'm already experiencing a new largeness and enlarged sense of responsibility and am grateful for the restimulators I've been experiencing. A huge chunk of dhukka lies here like a vein of gold - to be discovered and extracted.
If one's path did not bring them to repeated realizations that they are crazy to the core (their mind) then I would question it.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
yawns
I simply take objects in the room and multiply them in six directions, which produces yawns; then I place object all around me. Simple objects - sometimes turned a different color - from the room seem to suffice and quantity is the key. Nothing fancy.
Timebreaking: To Handle : Grandfather
Timebreaking means the stopping of keeping to bring something forward into present; "that was then, this is now" is the result of timebreaking.
Timebreaking day's events:
yawns, energies dissipating;
"How have you handled your G'father?"
9Apr. recheck "I hate you" for any further charge.
Even though I'm repeating this and people are passing by my vision, I'm seeing that I really love them, somewhere underneath the hate. "hating" is becoming a less generalized and more specific knowing of what I hate.
Becoming much lighter: "I hate _________ for .... umm, let's see what can I hate him for .... ?"
OKAY, time to run the other flow, "I hate me". I'm almost in too good a mood, but let's see how it runs:
Repair of Importances (self/another)
lamp, watermelon, book,
Now that I start with putting the item in six directions, I have more certainty and attention on actually putting the item there and not in my head - not in my mind for my mind to process. It is now simply an exercise. After I put it in six directions I add more so that it is all around me, or I make one larger object and put it all around me holographically. Either way does the job.
Here is an example of me doing RI exercising command power over my mind:
I bring into existence a bowl of plump ripe green figs and put them first in front of me, then behind me, then above me and then below me, and finally all around me. My mind tried to inerject a bologna and cheese sandwich and I noted it and kept putting the figs all around me. This is an opposite approach from what I used to do. Besides, the figs are healthier and taste good too... logic and critical analysis wins out over the mostly sensational mind. In fact, I made the figs even plumper and juicier and sweeter to outdo the bologna sandwich.
When I choose to put one large fig around me holographically I feel more "one" with it vs when I put a quantity of figs all around me 360-degrees. I lean towards the latter exercise.
I recently read that the bulk of the ape's diet when in his native environment is figs.
End of Sit
New person very easy to work with and he had a good energy release. He is running the "To Handle" self-enquiry.
I studied a bit about cognitive therapy; and MK Ultra mind implantation techniques (covert game strategies)
Honestly not looking forward to these "To Handle" sessions and doing RI usually cures that and I can enter a sit with a positive attitude.
RE the next extended dryfast, I will clean the gut for 30 days with an herbal formula and continue on a fruit diet, eating less and less. The large watermelons should be in the store soon.
Have a renewed interest in Level Two - it still produces yawns (i.e., "change").
Habitually seeking sensation through interaction with another leads to much ups and downs on both sides. Feeling grateful.
Even though I've barely touched on my Second Dynamic case I'm already experiencing a new largeness and enlarged sense of responsibility and am grateful for the restimulators I've been experiencing. A huge chunk of dhukka lies here like a vein of gold - to be discovered and extracted.
If one's path did not bring them to repeated realizations that they are crazy to the core (their mind) then I would question it.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
yawns
I simply take objects in the room and multiply them in six directions, which produces yawns; then I place object all around me. Simple objects - sometimes turned a different color - from the room seem to suffice and quantity is the key. Nothing fancy.
Timebreaking: To Handle : Grandfather
Timebreaking means the stopping of keeping to bring something forward into present; "that was then, this is now" is the result of timebreaking.
Timebreaking day's events:
yawns, energies dissipating;
"How have you handled your G'father?"
- I finally told my mother (and a witness beside me)
- With obvious disdain and disgust
- staying out of arm's reach
- I recall when I first set the handling in motion by trying to tell someone and then it took some time to finally move and leave him behind and I had to tell more than one person, but it finally got to my mother and she told my father.
- Looking back on it I see how I could have been much more demanding and aggressive and insistent and communicative - how I could have better handled the situation.
- I see how I chose avoidance instead, which might have been the right thing to do, but I'm still locking myself away and I probably need to revisit that decision.
- The urge to do worse to him was there but I never acted on it except emotional expressions and thoughts.
- I'm wondering why I didn't say to my parents, "Today I had to run and crawl under the bed and he started to reach under for me and I thought my heart was going to stop."?? Why the shutdown in communication? They didn't ask and I didn't tell.
- No parent really knows how to address the spirit of the child and how to rear a child as a spirit. Even I don't know.
- I'm seeing the bigger scope of cause and effect and my destructive purposes in the separation incident, so I do feel responsible for being here and ending up here at this level with this particular dhukka to finally come to grips with. It seems like a long time and also like not such a long time - like a moment in my existence. I feel both ways about it.
- For all I know, in our past lives I may have forced myself upon him and set his dhukka down this perverted path - perhaps in my Edwardian life. Also, I'm sure I was not the only being in the separation incident who took offense.
- It is still a mystery to me that I would, as the creator, think this was all okay. Did I know where all this would lead - to more and more degradation?
- "How does G'father seem to you now?" Bland, but on a larger scale I feel shame for the degradation of Life. I feel sorry for myself that I did this to myself.
- The decision I see is, "I hate you" >< "I hate me" [Repeater Tech]; changes occurring - scenes of hating others
- "I hate you" - everything and everyone without exception coming up and passing by; I'm feeling like the wicked witch who wasn't invited to the party; I'm wanting everything to disappear - like it used to in the old days; I'm hating the idea of persistence. Some good old fashioned tears.
- The only person I feel like I can't hate is Dennis and that is because of the path he offered me that can cure all this suffering. I'm trying to find something to hate him for and I can't find anything. I'd have to make something up.
- If only we could all agree to make all of this disappear. Then I would feel better about myself (my big toe would stop hurting kind of feeling)
- Once I remove all charge from the basic postulated interactions then I am free.
- "I hate you" was refreshingly honest vs always suppressing my hate and pretending to myself and others that I love them, etc. I feel something about hating lightened up...unsuppressed, so now I can deal with it. It flew out of the chute with some force and now it simply lies there, quiet, for easy examination. It feels so good to be able to be honest. I'm wondering why it was so important to hate everything forever and ever...until I got what I wanted or stopped getting what I didn't want.
- I wanted everyone to play nice, to care, to be simple, patient, compassionate.
- Suddenly I like the ants more (I've been mulling over what to do about the carpenter ants showing up); I see them as life. Best solution is to find some repelling scent and spray so they will go elsewhere.
9Apr. recheck "I hate you" for any further charge.
Even though I'm repeating this and people are passing by my vision, I'm seeing that I really love them, somewhere underneath the hate. "hating" is becoming a less generalized and more specific knowing of what I hate.
Becoming much lighter: "I hate _________ for .... umm, let's see what can I hate him for .... ?"
OKAY, time to run the other flow, "I hate me". I'm almost in too good a mood, but let's see how it runs:
- Sense the separation of the creator-self and the aspect that ended up on the other side of the "To Know" matrix, i.e., this universe.
- I feel like there is a separation and at the same time there is not a separation - a very odd feeling.
- It feels like a big joke I played on myself and I can only laugh about it. It seems like I can only hate if I say "you" - create a separation.
- If I repeat, "I hate myself" instead of "I hate me", then I get that I hate what I became when I entered the universe, i.e., a "self"
- Then I feel the separation from the creator of this matrix.
- Continuing with "I hate me" and suddenly came into present time and yawned off some energies without any feeling of separation or that there are two of me.
- nice big yawns
- I hate me for having dhukka
- Got the idea that it is a crime to hate me; yawns; holding to the idea that it is a crime for others to hate me; yawns; also a crime for others to hate themselves; yawns; hating me is related to craving junk foods; is related to being fixed around a body; yawns
- I hate me when I use force or prevention/deprivation and covert game strategies; yawns
- I hate me for being there and communicating when others don't invite me; yawns
- I feel a hunger in my gut; I hate me that I don't fix all this - life in this universe; that I don't fix myself
- This includes all the aspects of "me" too - all the other life-forms; I'm seeing them as me - everything I see in them that I see in me - the collective dhukka
- I hate me for having a body - feels degrading/limiting
- I hate me for making importances of the matter around me
- for getting trapped in aesthetics: color and line and form
- for trying to solve my problems by creating others, i.e., "not-selfs"
Repair of Importances (self/another)
lamp, watermelon, book,
Now that I start with putting the item in six directions, I have more certainty and attention on actually putting the item there and not in my head - not in my mind for my mind to process. It is now simply an exercise. After I put it in six directions I add more so that it is all around me, or I make one larger object and put it all around me holographically. Either way does the job.
Here is an example of me doing RI exercising command power over my mind:
I bring into existence a bowl of plump ripe green figs and put them first in front of me, then behind me, then above me and then below me, and finally all around me. My mind tried to inerject a bologna and cheese sandwich and I noted it and kept putting the figs all around me. This is an opposite approach from what I used to do. Besides, the figs are healthier and taste good too... logic and critical analysis wins out over the mostly sensational mind. In fact, I made the figs even plumper and juicier and sweeter to outdo the bologna sandwich.
When I choose to put one large fig around me holographically I feel more "one" with it vs when I put a quantity of figs all around me 360-degrees. I lean towards the latter exercise.
I recently read that the bulk of the ape's diet when in his native environment is figs.
End of Sit
1-3May16 Toward Vanishing the Mind
The more one is willing to know something the more one can observe its postulate constituents, and that would lead to vanishment of the [fixed] importance of the postulates themselves, and self-mastery of postulated creation.
FOR EXAMPLE: I gave my must-be-known mum a must-not-know postulate re some data she was giving me about someone in the news, and she found that provoking, took it personally by reason of the vociferousness of my rejection of the data she presented, and she reacted with a negative generalized statement about how I ("always") interact with her. That was not a win/win situation.
If I could have been voluntarily willing to know the effect she wanted to create by presenting the data, then I would not have provoked her into a games condition with me. I'm still having a hard time understanding why such a topic would interest her so much that she presented it to me with such relish - totally out of character for her. She did collect another motivator (perceived rejection via rejecting her presentation of the data) to justify the mind's wontonness for sensation through infliction - and it does feel good, at least at the moment before people gang up on you and make you wrong for it. Motivator-hungry people will collect the memory of these aversions/game loss like precious gems.
I could then respond likewise and make a decision to reinforce my must-not-know and stand firm and reject any subsequent data considered to be the product of unsavory or questionable games afoot... games replete with covert game strategies to fool the masses. Winning with that postulate becomes more important than her as life. The game will become: the more she seeks to inflict spurious people data the more vociferous (and personal) I will become in my rejection, which I know she - as a must-be-knowner - hates, and winning always feels good (at least in the moment). I guess this is one way family feuds develop.
The good thing is that she got me to look at a hot games condition I am in with another group related to the data she brought up.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
Warmed up with walking around and noticing things, hands on.
I find that sometimes it helps to talk about it out loud to myself about what I'm perceiving.
Timebreaking: To Handle : G'father
"How have you handled your G'father?"
with overt and covert rejection
End of sit. To be continued
The more one is willing to know something the more one can observe its postulate constituents, and that would lead to vanishment of the [fixed] importance of the postulates themselves, and self-mastery of postulated creation.
- The compulsive "To Know" type craves sensational/sensual effects and so would not allow himself to be known to himself as the creator, much less to knowing his postulates, and must have the "other" produce those effects - to be known by him.
- The "To Not Be Known" type plays at not giving - or making known - of effects (i.e. sensations) and prefers to play the take-away game. In a compulsive state this type must have "others" - to know and prevent their postulates for sensation, and never a complete "as-is'ing" because that would end the game of taking away others' games.
- The "To Be Known" type, at his most compulsive seeks to enforce his postulated creations/effects upon "others" and likes to be the gregarious aggressor with the appearance of having the bigger, more bad weapons of mass destruction.... the overt blustering bully. Size matters, etc. and he succeeds through force in creating more "must-be-known" types (through "conversion").
- The "To Not Know" type plays at rejecting any overt attempt to create an effect by the overt "must-be-known" type. Compulsively this type pipes up on the forums and threads habitually to denounce or reject a person or thing, and must make himself known for that purpose only.
- To not-be-known and to-not-know complement each other.
- The games of all these types can range from voluntary playfulness and amusement, and further south into non-life goals, winning becoming more important than the "opposer" as a brother or sister with whom one is simply playing a game.
- You can tell a game has gone south when vengeance and shame and blame and guilt and ridicule are employed as fixed mechanisms, and when the life-goals packages become non-life goals packages.
FOR EXAMPLE: I gave my must-be-known mum a must-not-know postulate re some data she was giving me about someone in the news, and she found that provoking, took it personally by reason of the vociferousness of my rejection of the data she presented, and she reacted with a negative generalized statement about how I ("always") interact with her. That was not a win/win situation.
If I could have been voluntarily willing to know the effect she wanted to create by presenting the data, then I would not have provoked her into a games condition with me. I'm still having a hard time understanding why such a topic would interest her so much that she presented it to me with such relish - totally out of character for her. She did collect another motivator (perceived rejection via rejecting her presentation of the data) to justify the mind's wontonness for sensation through infliction - and it does feel good, at least at the moment before people gang up on you and make you wrong for it. Motivator-hungry people will collect the memory of these aversions/game loss like precious gems.
I could then respond likewise and make a decision to reinforce my must-not-know and stand firm and reject any subsequent data considered to be the product of unsavory or questionable games afoot... games replete with covert game strategies to fool the masses. Winning with that postulate becomes more important than her as life. The game will become: the more she seeks to inflict spurious people data the more vociferous (and personal) I will become in my rejection, which I know she - as a must-be-knowner - hates, and winning always feels good (at least in the moment). I guess this is one way family feuds develop.
The good thing is that she got me to look at a hot games condition I am in with another group related to the data she brought up.
Repair of Importances (self/another)
Warmed up with walking around and noticing things, hands on.
I find that sometimes it helps to talk about it out loud to myself about what I'm perceiving.
Timebreaking: To Handle : G'father
"How have you handled your G'father?"
with overt and covert rejection
End of sit. To be continued