Hi,

This is something that has been bothering me for a while.

Among other things, my spiritual practice consists of formal meditation and reciting mantras. I live in a culture where you're considered somewhat of a nutter if you do these things. So I try to select a place for my practice where no one hears me. Yet I often find myself feeling really self-conscious and even with a sense of guilt, during and after practice.

When the aim of my practice is to bridge the feeling of separation, I'm a bit lost as to whether this actually is for the good..

As I don't really believe there is anything wrong with what I'm doing, this has helped me somewhat to settle with the possibility that people consider me crazy. Yet I find this especially difficult when it comes to family and relatives.

What's your take on this?

Good morning, gadrabha,

You can do mantra when walking around. The wonderful little Russian book The Way of a Pilgrim (Откровенные рассказы странника духовному своему отцу) tells the story of man who walked all over Russia saying the Jesus Prayer continually. For several year, I was doing Christian mantra meditation, mostly formally, but with some while walking around or while sitting on a bus. In that tradition, you say the mantra silently and inwardly, not out loud.

Does that help?

Hi Derek,

Yes, I also recite mantras silently. Just that I want to chant them aloud also, as it's my experience that there's more benefit (has to do with the sound vibrating in the body). I guess the only option is to stop caring what others think.

This might be useful.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgviVWanZgc

In terms of confronting the internal emotion of guilt/self-consciousness, two things come to mind, both having to do with prioritization:

1) Examine it, asking yourself two questions:
          a) Is this feeling worth me feeling bad right now, or should I just relax and feel happiness instead?
          b) Is this feeling worth more to me than the potential benefits of contemplative development?

2) Try to truly and deeply not give a fuck, and prioritize contemplative development over everything else.  Feel that sense of empowerment and reckless abandonment, that borders on aggression towards those things which would hinder progress.  

Both of these things do not have to deal with the external reality.  It is still your responsibility to act and behave in a way that is in line with your culture, and that maintains your interpersonal relationships.