Live in the nowhere that you came from, even though you have an address here.
Rumi, in Coleman Barks's rendering
 
 
Welcome to fourth incarnation of the Bar(do) of Last Resort. It has moved from its original bad neighborhood---the Dark Night category of DhO--- to the humor ghetto, not because of any particular lightening up, but simply out of compassion for people coming to the Dark Night category, who might find this shit in poor taste. Black humor is an acquired taste. The actual, mythological location of the Bar(do) is just up the street from the sewer grate at the bottom of hell, and like all bar(do)s, it is as close as your next thought, and as transient, dukkha-ridden, and anatta.

This thread also amounts to my practice log. I think the practice logs are as close as the sangha of people living in the various linguistic variations on the nowhere we came from have on DhO to a local address, with the implicit invitation to welcome visitors, and, in my case, as a good red herring for cops arriving to serve warrants. So welcome to this thread, and to tell you the truth, Officer, it seems possible to me that some people just don't get my humor.
 
 If you have found your way here by accident, my advice is to run for the exit door, where you will be given a complimentary beverage of your choice for the wisdom of Not Starting. 

If you have unfortunately Started, for whatever misguided reasons, then better by far to finish, and drinks are on the house until all sentient beings are saved, because as the obviously slowest sentient boat afloat, i am doomed to be the last one out of this bar, and will be tending bar at various points, or at least taking the occasional dishwashing and janitorial shifts throughout, and will be available to serve drinks at any time if i can figure out how to pour them into a receptable that doesn't leak too much, and also not poison the person through unskillful means. I personally recommend getting someone else to make your drinks, as any patron of the Bar of Last Resort is cleared to bartend, merely by being in the place, and a number of these people pour with a very slow four-count, if you know what i mean, and i think you do, wink-wink. If you don't know what i mean, i mean that some of the drinks these fuckers pour . . . well, let's just say a little dab will do ya.

Our present primary bartender is Ludwig Wittgenstein, so take your language games directly to him. 

If you have come here from a purely morbid or personally-skin-in-the-game interest in spiritual carnage and meditation-related difficulties, the free drinks are two for one.

If you have been invited here, that was irresponsible on my part, and I apologize. Have a drink. All exit doors remain wide open at all times, by order of the Fire Marshall.

Practice logs are the backbone of the DharmaOverground. May our practice benefit all sentient beings, and certain mineral formations, and may all sentient beings be saved by the time this Bar closes down. Amen.
 
If you're here, really, for any reason at all, truly, God help you. Have your first drink on the house.

love,
tim

I'll jump in now as it's still quiet.

Tim, may I propose a toast with one of the strongest drinks you have - to having a very weird humor!
I'm by no means sure that I "get" yours, but I do appreciate it. Thank you for that. 

Oh, and may this bar be open even after all sentient beings are saved. I mean, we can have fun after enlightenment, right? Else I need to reevaluate my meditation schedule and propbably take it down a notch.

Oh gawd! Can you lads keep it down please! There are those of us trying to sleep under the table over here! 

Jeez ... no rest for the wicked! 

*eats popcorn*
*sips bourbon*
*watches the debauchery*
*cracks an occassional joke*


​​​​​​​keep it comin'

Witty told me you haven't been able to attain good coconuts.  I'll try to find you some good ones. The trick is to watch when they're in complete fruition. Otherwise they dry up and are full of pulp. Cheers! 

Angel, muy gracias por los coconuts muy realized in their fullness! I hope you did not offend the Coconut Cartel in any way, in acquiring them. Meanwhile, we are having a Bar(do) special on all variations on coconut drinks and eats. Try the Amrita Mojito con coconut, it's the nectar of the gods, amigo.

As I age, I'm finding that this happens to people, too 

Hey, Steph, we're honored by your presence! I hope you're writing sutra-esque poems in that notebook. We'll keep the fresh popcorn coming. Are you drinking the Shargrol Whiskey? Try it, a double shot will make you sane. I see that you're okay with Papa Che there under your table; he's on a vitamin-enhanced Elephant Beer IV while he goes through the radical biochemical regime change away from nicotine. 

I've been meaning to thank you for sharing that "Shibboleth" story from the West Wing. I had previously considered that an unredeemable horror from the Judeo-Christian scriptures, a notion rooted essentially in a story of killing fifty thousand people from a mildly divergent culture, in the name of a God whose Name cannot be pronounced anyway, for what amounted to a lisp in their heretical accents. So your take, "Faith is the real shibboleth" was very healing to me personally. Kudos to the show's writers, and all my gratitude to you for picking up on it and passing it along. I mean that shinsherely, no ssssit.

Thank you Tim, I do feel immortal after having a few (dozen) of those mojitos. By the way, congratulations on the eats you're offering.  That new guy you brought in is a legend. I think he said his name is Andhrimnir, I just call him Andy.  The guy is really creative with meat.  I tried his St Johns Bean and Bacon, it had an ascent of hot pepper with a touch of dark spices and was cooked over an open flame.  I felt like I was in heaven.  I look forward to trying his version of Sunyata Sushi.  Look for me on the stools.

Guinness please. Here's one - you can lead a person to the dharma, but you can't stop them from thinking.

Hey, is the bar showing the Super Bowl today? I'll bring the Chicken Wings!

The Bardo Super Bowl:


​​​​​​​

Chris Marti placed a fucking barricade infront of the Bar(do) door with his giant photo Its impossible to post a reply after his post as that photo blocks the entire reply section!  Anyway, our German friends My Sleeping Karma are taking over the 6 Realm stage tonight and they brought us some special drink! They call it Soma not sure what it is but apparently Gods like to drink it so I thought it could be good enough for us under the table over here   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvCNqJCattk

lol, i think you're right, Papa Che, that Tibetan singing bowl may be the last word in the Bar(do) of Last Resort. May it suffice for the salvation of all sentient beings, and certain mineral formations.

Oh! I see we have a guest over here! I will wipe your table, dear sir, sorry for all the dust and spider webs! Both, our manager and Angel the Bartender, had vanished without a trace. I will go check if we have toilet paper while you look at the menu. BTW, Chris, our doorman might still be around. Check under the tables.

Actually, a spammer came in here and said something to promote a product of some sort. Then shargrol posted a smiley in reaction to that. I crawled out from under a table and deleted the spammer's post but left shargrol's smiley. Then I climbed back under a table until someone needs a post to be deleted.


​​​​​​​

Oh, now I get it! But I enjoyed re-reading this thread! 

Love this thread. Ha ha. 

just thought I'd mention that the last bus for the evening headed to enlightenment just pulled up.
​​​​​​​anybody going to crawl out from under one of those tables and get on it?

Nah! Just close the door on your way out! Its a bit chill tonight! And buy us a round before you leave! 

Private jet or forget it.

Even though this establishment is mostly empty and basically sucks, we do get bands to play here, every now and then ... this evening a fantastic set by the Pixies!!! Drinks are, as always, on the house! https://youtu.be/THD_uxZOpoM?si=gP5SwGB8eFobyJjp

One Whiskey straight and god please don't make it impermanent and also no-self doesn't mean that you fucking drink it.

Fuck, why is it empty again? That seems to happen to everything.

What goes around comes around. Patience and don't run infront of the horse. 

It's never closing time in here! And when it is you wouldn't know about it anyway. So no worries! 

Slainte!