Increasing my prospects in dating

How could I increase my chances of meeting hardcore meditators in dating? I guess I'm trying to look at it statistically.  

I've tried the major dating sites, but honestly, I'm not interested in attracting people who want a mainstream lifestyle (work hard, play hard, have a house, car, kids, spouse and vacation every now and then).  I'd like to meet someone who understands jhana, bhakti, a healthy lifestyle, recovery, is a little sensitive or feminine....  Incidentally, is there anyone on DhO who is like that? I'd love to have a higher probability of meeting someone like that.  Got any ideas?

I would say, it's good to be clear about what you want (as you are here), but it's also good to allow for and be open to the magic of synchronicity in your search. We never know what life has in reserve for us.

I also wanted a hardcore meditator partner, years ago when I was single. Years ago when I met my wife, she was a Management student at university, hanging out with a Protestant Christian group and going to their church activities. Still, I was attracted to her. My rational mind told me I should focus on women I meet in my meditation circles. Turns out as we got to know each other, something "clicked" in her when I was talking about Buddhism. Her curiosity got her to read good books on it, and eventually attend a vipassana retreat on her own. She came out quite changed, gave up her church, and became a very good follower of the Dharma. If I would have let my rational mind say from the start "no way, she's into Protestant stuff", well, what an opportunity I would have missed!

Our thinking mind doesn't always (or often doesn't at all) know what's out there for us.

All the best.

That's a kind of shorthand summary of Buddhism, isn't it?

• Focus more on complimentariness. If you are strong in your beliefs and practice, you can explain this to dates and live your life accordingly. That way you are authentic and don't have to worry about rejection. They can see your benefits, how you enjoy your life easily, and you allow them to live with their specialties. A lot of relationships, not just intimate ones, are about trading specialties to offset weak skills. The best way to value yourself is to continue enjoying your life in front of the person and see how they react. People with high self-esteem expect reciprocity and a lot of negotiation in relationships is to continue your single life in the relationship and find a compromise that works for both. You may find a "hardcore meditator" but you may also find someone who likes you but talks to others about your practice like "that's what they do."
• Humans are mimetic. We have to advertise based on envy and role-modeling because that's how most people respond. Advertising! Even Buddhism has to sell with it's descrptions of Enlightenment. Rejection becomes a good thing because you need to keep your best qualities in order to feel alive in a good relationship. If they hate your best qualities, then it's better to be rejected sooner. It's difficult because people objectify each other and they have to see your low-maintenance qualities as attractive, while at the same time not exploit those qualities, which they may do!
• The Cycle of Abuse. Be aware that no matter how good something looks like in the beginning, people can get bored and relationships will be about learning new skills constantly, and as we do that we become more interesting. We have to maintain interest in ourselves and use those benefits in a way that has reciprocity. It's a way for meditation to increase self-esteem. It's another skill to master.
• Monastic life. If you are truly a hardcore meditator, consider a monastic lifestyle. So much of intimate relationships are about satisfying each other's libidos/cravings. It may become tiresome when their demands increase beyond what you can give. Eg. They may demand that you get a high paying profession to feed their cravings, or to pay for children. The way I see things is that in order to work and live in the lay world you have to compromise a lot of practice to work long hours and deal with interpersonal politics. High mental computation drains energy, and this is why many have to essentially drop-out to focus on their practice. You'll especially see cracks in the beginning when you say "I'm satisfied" when the other person is not. You become a drag, which can be a good thing, because you see the ill-fit early on. If enough experiences like this happen in a row, you may get the hint that you should be a monastic.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

Are there any meditation centers, Buddhist temples, etc that have group meditations, Dharma talks, sangha dinners, community service days, Buddist holiday celebrations, etc in your area?

I actually am creating a spiritual dating app - arahatornot.

Assuming you're for real:- you're on DhO, go through the practice logs. Most people disclose a lot of this information + their current relationship status. Then PM whoever you like the sound of.

I'm already taken! But you can buy me a drink anyway  

This made me LOL, Noah. Coffee is all over my keyboard now.

LOL I like it! Arahat or Not LOL Let's watch together some hot Dhamma talk before go to bed darling! Uuh I like it  

WTF? Arahats don't date. They merge their spiritual essences.

That's right, Mike!

Are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into? If it's really a hardcore meditator then your personal interactions may be limited. They will probably want to spend all their spare time meditating alone, including evenings, weekends and vacations/retreats. If he (?) is too in touch with his feminine side then he may want a man in the relationship as well. If they have truly grokked anatta then their love will be boundless yet impersonal. They will probably love their cat, houseplants and cushion as much as they love you. Hardcore meditator and healthy lifestyle probably don't belong in the same sentence. Please be careful!

You guys have no idea how long I've been waiting to publish that pun on the internet.

I'm so happy I was able to do it at a time when you were drinking coffee also

Good work in the patience vector!

That’s what I was thinking too. Be careful, though, or you might end up with an ocean or two between you and your loved one in the midst of a pandemic. On the other hand, if you are both hardcore practicioners, that would certainly add new levels to your investigations of dukkha (or the powersy end of the pool, such as astral travelling).

If they even have a job, or free time (they might be medicated as well)

Amazingly thought out ideas there.  Grateful.

I like it too.  Let me know when the site's up.  I'll check it out!

I'm almost tempted to post a dating ad in this thread.  Hehe

I've heard how some of us are purely celibate and have no desire for wordly life, let alone a mate. However, may be some of us do merge spiritual essences and with a mate.  See the following:  


https://jampasmandala.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/samantabhadra-1.jpg

LOL Astral travel for dating.  hehehe

No, seriously?

Here's one hint: you don't make your first post in a new sangha asserting that that you are only here because you are glamorized by a wish-fantasy of a perfect man, strong, sensitive, and hard-core practing meditation.

This is a bad joke, more pathetic than funny, and you should be ashamed of yourself, as far as i am concerned.

Ooh I love it when you talk dirty Timmy boy

i'm serious, man. This is a personal ad, at best, and it would be a disgrace to DhO to leave it up. I've flagged it, and will fight for this.

It's probably just a troll, first post from the account. Someone is laughing at us, although it's been fun for us too.

if it's a troll, all the more reason it should be taken down immediately, as I have requested of the moderator.

I disagree that the poster has done anything wrong.

Although I agree that there should be some limitations to not turn this forum into a dating forum.

Siavash, she strolled into a forum explicitly devoted to issues surrounding hard-core meditation practice and, without bothering to say a word about her own practice, or history, or path, announced she was looking to snag herself a nice hard-core meditator, her other dating venues having crapped out. Name me another religious or spiritual insititution of any kind that would welcome an apparently faithless person cruising for a mate, without any other justification for being in the sacred precincts than that cold-blooded calculation of the statistics of finding her wish-fantasy partner.

This thread isn't breaking any of the DhO's rules. It's been here since March 24th, and suddenly today it's a problem? The DhO is not going to become a dating site. That's just ridiculous on its face. Let's just move along and leave this thread to its own devices, which is likely to be a quiet death unless all this attention keeps it alive.

Thank you,

Chris Marti
DhO Admin

Yeah, but what's wrong about that?
Did she cause harm to anyone in any obvious way?
Should she asked first a hundred questions about jhanas and dark night and awakening, and then say her fucking desire?
What's sacred here?
What's the difference for asking for a meditation teacher, and asking for a meditator partner?
Aren't all just some damn fucking sensations?

I totally understand you, I guess, but I think that's dangerous (and not fair?), to blame someone for doing that. Although as I said, I think there should be rules and limitations around these issues, but it's different from what the person did, before such rules and limitation.


-- Edit:
Thank you Chris. I was in the middle of writing this post, and I didn't notice your post.

I bow to your call here, jikijitsu-san.