Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

John, modified 6 Years ago.

Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 14 Join Date: 7/14/15 Recent Posts
I've been doing a combination of noting practice under Ron Crouch, mindfulness of breathing a la Thanissaro Bhikku, and body sweeping a la Goenkaji/Sumedho.

Today, and indeed for the past four days, I have been ludicrously calm. There are some things out in the world which cause slight but significant feelings of fear or disgust (i.e. dead bird on my morning run that was in pieces on the road, fear of dying from a speeding car not seeing me in time) but I can also recognize quite calmly "These are perceptions, sankharas... khandas." And there are occasions when I get mildly irritated, usually when talking to my Mom who has a habit of declaring her intentions "I'm going to the bathroom!" but I can see this for what it is and it doesn't linger.

Yesterday there was some fear about global warming and other such global topics, this may have been brought on by a layover in medication and insufficient sleep the night before, but these of course subsided.

I often find myself thinking: [1] "There is very little left to fetter out for SE, it is a matter of waiting now/for the fruit to ripen and fall." [2] "As I'm doing X (let's say eating), there is the actual feeling of eating as felt in the body and then the perception & concepts of eating; for so long I've been eating the idea of food rather than the food itself." [3] "This is it. It can happen at any minute." [4] "It would really suck to die or have a critical brain injury right now, just as I'm seemingly on the cusp of liberation."

There are also prolonged periods where things get quiet and there's subtle background noise and silence. 

I can meditate comfortably with strong determination/minimal movement for 60 to 90 minutes. I think that I could sit for even longer periods if I decided to.
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Noah S, modified 6 Years ago.

RE: Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 1532 Join Date: 7/6/13 Recent Posts
Sounds right.  I study with Ron too.  He's excellent at dharma diagnosis, as I'm sure you've discovered.  He'll be able to tell where you are based on how you cycle up and down between your baseline and your cutting edge in the session. 
John, modified 6 Years ago.

RE: Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 14 Join Date: 7/14/15 Recent Posts
I'm Skyping with him on Friday, so far he hasn't made any diagnoses although he's said that he has his suspicions.

I'm actually really impressed with how quickly this cycle has gone from Point A to Y, about 1 week from A&P to EQ? And the Dark Night wasn't even that bad — this could be the internal dialogue assuming there was an inner committee of mental affairs:

Meditator: Alright, I'm ready for this showdown. I'm going to face my demons and end this once and for all!

Gate-Keeper opens door to Dark Night Dungeon. It's not scary at all.

Meditator: Wait, that's it?

Gate-Keeper: Yup. That's it.

Meditator: But... I was so ready to face my fears!

Gate-Keeper: Dude. You've spent the past six months wallowing in depression. You get a free pass.
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Noah S, modified 6 Years ago.

RE: Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 1532 Join Date: 7/6/13 Recent Posts
Lmao I love this, well done.  Did you get the inner committee metaphor from Thannissaro, btw?
John, modified 6 Years ago.

RE: Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 14 Join Date: 7/14/15 Recent Posts
Of course! Who hasn't? Personally I wonder if Inside Out is inspired in part by Thanissaro Bhikku; but I'm certain the idea of a mental committee is a long-standing idea.
Eva M Nie, modified 6 Years ago.

RE: Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 831 Join Date: 3/23/14 Recent Posts
John:
Of course! Who hasn't? Personally I wonder if Inside Out is inspired in part by Thanissaro Bhikku; but I'm certain the idea of a mental committee is a long-standing idea.
Might have got it's start back with Freud's id, ego, super ego. From what I've heard from parents, Inside Out has really gotten a lot of kids to think and observe more about what goes on in their head though, so that's pretty cool!  A good movie can work faster than a thousand lectures!  ;-P

-Eva
Eva M Nie, modified 6 Years ago.

RE: Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 831 Join Date: 3/23/14 Recent Posts
John:
I'm Skyping with him on Friday, so far he hasn't made any diagnoses although he's said that he has his suspicions.

I'm actually really impressed with how quickly this cycle has gone from Point A to Y, about 1 week from A&P to EQ? And the Dark Night wasn't even that bad — this could be the internal dialogue assuming there was an inner committee of mental affairs:

Meditator: Alright, I'm ready for this showdown. I'm going to face my demons and end this once and for all!

Gate-Keeper opens door to Dark Night Dungeon. It's not scary at all.

Meditator: Wait, that's it?

Gate-Keeper: Yup. That's it.

Meditator: But... I was so ready to face my fears!

Gate-Keeper: Dude. You've spent the past six months wallowing in depression. You get a free pass.
I suspect it is more like:
Gate keeper: Tadaahh!  The gate to your fears is open!
Meditator: What?  Those same fears again, been there done that how many times? No new ones just the same old baloney?  BORING!
Gate keeper: Damn, it's not working this time!
John, modified 6 Years ago.

RE: Pretty sure this is EQ, but I'd like verification

Posts: 14 Join Date: 7/14/15 Recent Posts
UPDATE: I just got in touch with him. After the session he diagnosed me as having just entered Dissolution, and I totally feel the difference. While I anticipate the Knowledge of Fear and the other stuff, I also feel quite ready and not afraid. I have confidence that I'll blaze through it when it comes.

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