I've never really put a complete narrative out there so I decided to stitch together some posts and start a log. ---

Been lurking here a while and drinking from the information firehouse. So much info to absorb. I've not scratched the surface of the material available but continue to plug away.
I've always been looking in the spiritual direction but have been frustrated most of my life at the quality of information...I have a sensitive BS sensor when I read. When I happened upon Toms Big Toe trilogy I was enthralled. My BS sensor didn't go off with his theory. I came to understand intellectually that we are in a physical reality simulator so we can evolve consciousness. Tom said to shut down the data flow of this reality to experience the other realities but is a bit vague on exactly what meditation technique is best. I've been doing mantra with each breath off and on for relaxation but never consistently and with little results besides a pleasant drift into sleep. I started a daily practice of 20 minutes at nap time and would mantra/breath till altered then just kinda hung out in the lazy boy listening to binaural beats and often would slip in and out of sleep. Then I started clicking out. (As Bruce Moen author called it) I would completely loose any semblance of consciousness but would wake fully with absolutely no transition from wherever I had been and no sense of how much time gone was gone. It was very different from waking up from sleep. I thought I was astral projecting or something and missing out on bringing back the memories of what happened while i was away. I resolved to stop clicking out and to stay "awake" during whatever happened. I never did succeed in being awake during these click outs but they sure did slow down on how often they happened since I kept saying to myself "no more click outs" before each meditation. I also found myself in various altered states briefly but I'd loose them due to fear or most often excitement. Then I got sick with the flu. I almost never get sick but when I do its a beauty and most of the time noone else gets it. I never take anything for it even though it totally is miserable. This time it was especially bad - fever, chills, body and bone aches. Somewhere along the way I got very "altered". Being sick was now secondary. My wife couldn't tell I was sick and I had to remind her I wasn't well yet. It was like watching myself suffering but it was removed somehow. I kept saying I was very very present but couldn't explain it. I used the analogy of feeling like I was the tip of some iceberg and behind me was a lot more of something. I got over the flu but the altered state stayed. I continued my meditations/naps in the lazy-boy with and without binaural beats and continued to resolve no more click outs. I continued to drink too much beer as usual. Slowly the altered state started to fade after a month. I could concentrate internally and do this push thingy and pull it back briefly but it continued to fade. I started to look online at altered states/enlightenment and somehow found MCTB. (edit: I believe I was searching out an explanation of what I called at the time '3D black space' - the 5th Jhana of boundless space and that got me to MCTB )

I read MCTB thru once and then read it again. I started to meditate on breath at the stomach and would try to note when I got off the breath. I'd say "note thinking" or whatever came to mind besides breath. I stopped resolving to not click out and started to resolve to definitely click out every meditation. Clicking out is still there but not every meditation, just kinda randomly. I can not trigger it on purpose and I can't notice going into it at all- just the popping out. I went on a 10 day Goenka retreat last March. I had hoped to regain the altered state permanently. It didn't happen but I did get to some nice other Jhana states while there. Hands like balloons, arms like tree trunks and torso like a huge bolder feeling. Feeling of contracting and expanding at the same time. Feeling of my head above reality in some clear and clean place where breathing was amazing. I woke up from a nap/laying meditation where I was nowhere and there was nothing including me (that was scary so it went away then I popped back again and recognized the ?feel? and was more ok with it.) I feel like I was given a grand tour but without the talent/practice to get back again(yet). My meditation got sooooo much better in 10 days. Following my breath at the tip of the nostril seemed impossible then slowly got easy. I didn't much like the body scan as I couldn't get many sensations like Goenka said I should. I did much better at the internal scanning and focus would naturally go up and down the chakras very slowly whenever I let it. Came back happy with the retreat and have been looking for a sanga that I like with little results so far. Been reading here and KFD as well links. I need to reread MCTB again as well as Tom's MBT again. I need to really step up the cushion time also. Most of the time I try to get concentrated and then switch over to noting sensations but usually I don't get to far in the concentration department. I still drink more than I should and that really seems to interfere with meditation. I do get to click out on occasion and that makes me happy but the afterglow isn't what it used to be. I'm not sure what's up next but I know I need to work more to get to whatever is next.
So there you go...me in a nutshell (or is it a nut in a me shell? ;o)
~D

So there I was post stream entry with fading memories and the ability to sometimes get a fruition in the sauna at the gym. I knew I needed to cut out the unhealthy relationship with alcohol to get going on my journey. I started going to a Buddhist/mindful recovery group to explore quiting permanently. I ripened up, got to the point of readiness and then resolved to stop; I've stopped since. Then I started to get traction in my practice again. I resolved to start second path work. I reviewed the Mind and Body, Cause and Effect, The Three Characteristics to see if I could get the Arising and passing away kicked in. I got a little ah ha weirdness moment when meditating on the first three insites(don't remember which one) then things were different. I could not get a fruition anymore and could not 'grab hold' of the heat of the sauna anymore and experience it rising and passing. It seemed like it was now like less than an inch high whereas it in retrospect was like 3 feet big in my mind before. Sometimes I could almost grasp it arise and pass and the nothingness between them would barely brush against me ever so lightly. I got busy increasing my mediation time/times. Moved thru the A&P got into the Dukka nanas....moved fast thru them to EQ and lost steam and started over from A&P again. Ramped up again and got to EQ an pushed to keep there with a couple meditations a day. Really needed at least twice a day to feel like I was progressing, once a day would keep me from dropping out of EQ and a day off let me slide back to ReObsevation once to encourage me to keep up the effort. I kept up the push to High EQ (my road sign of this state was my vision would shift and I'd see colors move) and just let go. Mostly I followed breath throughout with some noting practice and then just let go and enjoy the quietness of my mind.

February I went to Hawaii and while there asked for some help from some spirits I like to visit. I would go meditate outside with them along the ocean front and then hit the beach with the family. I went to my favorite beach and meditated the whole afternoon off and on while in a good space I put out a very strong intention to get second path. That next morning, still night (Feb 25th), I woke and something happened and I asked myself "hey, was that a fruition? Did I get path? hmmmm" then I went back to sleep. My grandmother died that morning. The morning was quite hectic. When things calmed down enough for me to sit down the room kinda zoomed into view. I was very very present. I remembered waking up that night. I looked at myself and couldn't find much of a self. I don't even know what the self looked like before it shrinked...should have taken a before picture (grin). I feel so much more clear. My puns are better/worse than ever. I look at my hands doing things and they surprise me ...like.. wow look at them doing that stuff. Dwelling in the witness is just a shift of concentration. Its effing awesome. I feel like I'm on antidepressants. The ordinary is better somehow. I meditated and checked in with my grandmothers "consciousness/soul". She was doing fine and needed nothing but a ball of love so I sent it and thanked her for all the things she has done for me. I followed up with my spirit friends during meditations and thanked them too.

I've tried to get a followup fruition. Can't seem to get one. I woke up about a week later at almost 3 am and did some following of the breath for a minute or so. I didn't recall falling asleep or anything but then woke back up very quickly with no recall of sleep. I did not exactly get a bliss wave that I recognize but something else that was more complected and layered. I do not have a description of how it was besides fast and layered and weird. My meditations are in new territory. I do not think I get any review time. I've decided that things that seem like sleeping is nodding off as usual and the subtle blips I was wondering about is shifts from jhanas levels. I was going to take a break after getting path but it seems that may not be in the mix. I do not feel like I'm really in charge of this journey. I am along for the ride and I've decided to be a willing participant.

I totally understand the stink of enlightenment now like never before. I tell myself stories of how cool this is (it is) how I'm a effing rock star (I'm not) everyone should do this (they should). I try to moniter these urges so as not to be a -
toxic evangalist
It's hard not to at times.

Meditation changes- mind chatter in more pronounced now. Back in EQ it was nice and quiet but now I got all this dialog that I can't silence easy. It seems to do it on it's own and I notice it more now. When I get up to 4th jhana it finally gets quiet. Dunno for sure where I am until some shift happens then it should become self evident. Probably A&P, we shall see.

Date: 03/12/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: quick nap and to gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 20 min sit
Posture: cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: 3rd jhana, insite stage unknown (A&P?)
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, sauna- follow breath and heat as object, sit- follow breath, noting, choiceless awareness
Dynamics:Walking- 1st jhana, sauna- heat was throbby and vibratory but harsh. Chest chakra felt like lump. 3rd chakra happy and giddy focus on it triggered 2nd jhana. Let go of happy and settled into 3rd jhana. Sit - stayed in 3rd and followed breath. Said metta prayer for people in the gym and all beings. Just let everything go and would note when something caught attention.
Goal for Next Session: Keep exploring new territory.

Date: 03/13/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: morning at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 35 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: Second jhana
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting
Dynamics:
Walking- 1st jhana
Sauna - Mental chatter high today. Got some bliss going but kept yammering to much to stay with it.
Sit - Lots of talking stories to myself. Distracted. Should have just counted til I could get onto breath without loosing it but instead wasted time. This territory makes me feel like such a newbie again.
Goal for Next Session: Notice distractions and downshift if needed

Date: 03/13/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: evening at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 15 min sauna 35 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: Third jhana
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting
Dynamics:
Walking- 1st jhana and talking to self
Sauna - Followed breath and noted when off.
Sit - Focused on distractions and figured it out. I'm sliding into dream state without any transition phase. I noticed that the transition phase faded in the last A&P - EQ but there was still a noticeable subtle something between awake and dream. Seems like it's gone or too fine to notice so far. The stories have a daydream quality but more pronounced, fade quickly from memory and not a usual internal dialog. I increased my effort to keep from transitioning but had to find a level of effort that wasn't distracting. Finally moved into a quite space where the effort wasn't needed (3rd jhana prob). Stayed there for a little while then lost it as people around me moved. Metta-ed them.
Goal for Next Session: Find effort level needed again, explore territory.

Date: 03/14/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: Morning at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 30 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: 3rd/4th jhana
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting
Dynamics:
Walking- Practiced seeing periphery vision but internal dialog high
Sauna - Followed breath but internal dialog wouldn't stop.....noted it over and over
Sit - internal dialog continued but eventually with following breath and noting got to a nice quiet spot and then a shift to seeing colors move/4th jhana territory for me. Brief visit then back out. Continued to try quietly be aware of everything with attention off and on throughout the day
Goal for Next Session: shut off internal dialog faster and spend more time without distraction

Date: 03/14/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: evening at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 45 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: 1st jhana
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting
Dynamics:
Walking- Practiced seeing periphery vision but internal dialog high
Sauna - Followed breath but was tired...more internal dialog
Sit - couldn't really get going....internal dialog interfered and a lot of nodding off into sleep for just a second...tried to increase effort...with effort was in 1st jhana but really just couldn't follow breath much and noting was poor. Got up and bicycled a bit to wake up but soon after sitting nodded off more. Should have not stayed up so late last night.....totally worth it though
Goal for Next Session: Try well rested exploration (laughs)

Date: 03/14/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: Morning at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 35 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: A&P probably
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting, letting go
Dynamics:
Walking- Practiced seeing periphery vision/basic awareness and 1st jhana
Sauna - Followed breath well and was able to stay on the heat as object
Sit - followed breath and noted when off breath til I got to some nice strobe phenomenon. Slow strobe of colors (closed eyes) at edges would slide to the center over and over....had this before... the colors would rise at the edges and pass away into the middle
Goal for Next Session: Continue exploring territory...when I hit fear I'll know for sure where I just was...

Date: 03/17/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: Morning at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 35 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: A&P probably
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting, letting go
Dynamics:
Walking- Practiced seeing periphery vision/basic awareness and 1st jhana
Sauna - Followed breath well and was able to stay on the heat as object
Sit - got strobe going again
Goal for Next Session: Continue exploring territory..

Misery crept into the afternoon...I felt very low energy like getting sick...nasty misery with some moments of disgust....I wondered how I managed to skip fear. I would concentrate on self and self would fade and with it the misery but as soon as my effort faded it would creep back in....ack...no fun. At least I could take breaks this time...

Date: 03/17/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: Sanga group
Length of Sit: 40
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: Low EQ
Meditative Techniques Utilized: follow breath, count breath, noting, letting go
Dynamics: Sit - worked myself out of the miserable place and then into low EQ....everything was better but meditation was crap.....
Goal for Next Session: stay out of DN and get up to high EQ

Date: 03/18/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: Morning at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 35 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: Equanimity
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting, letting go
Dynamics:
Walking- Practiced seeing periphery vision/basic awareness and 1st jhana
Sauna -
Sit - blah blah blah everything is just dandy EQ....kept following breath as thoughts intruded
Goal for Next Session: Keep up in EQ push higher

Date: 03/17/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: Sanga group
Length of Sit: 30
Posture: Bench
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: EQ
Meditative Techniques Utilized: follow breath, count breath, noting, letting go
Dynamics: Sit - wandering mind with moments of focus while following breath....needed to count breaths to get going.
Goal for Next Session: need to get up to high EQ

Date: 03/20/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: Morning at gym
Length of Sit: 5 min walk 10 min sauna 30 min sit
Posture: Cross legged
Cutting Edge Stage of the Session: Equanimity
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Walking, Sauna- follow breath and heat as object, Sit- follow breath, noting, letting go
Dynamics:
Walking- Practiced seeing periphery vision/basic awareness
Sauna - followed breath and counted but wandering mind
Sit - EQ....kept following breath as thoughts intruded...counted breaths to try to get some concentration going....it worked but then would fade and wandering mind again...
Goal for Next Session: Keep in EQ, get to high EQ

Off cushion it seem easier to get concentrated later in the day...I need to make night time practices more of a focus.

Still meditating but I have cut down on my computer time. I still am getting to EQ each sit but some are better than others with the chatter. I really feel that if I don't meditate twice a day I don't move forward. Once a day keeps me from backsliding and a day off I feel some Re OB kick in.
The frenzy of the newness has calmed down. I can still see the quality of self change when I focus but otherwise the I seems to be doing it's thing whenever focus is not put upon it. My focus is better the later in the day, esp after dinner. I need to meditate more in the evenings I think. I have experienced some vibrations, around 4 hz or so it seems. I try to focus on them when they occur and see them clearly but it is hard.

Been a while since I updated this. I've been meditating everyday for about 45 minutes and sometimes twice. December had some interesting things. I would meditate while going to sleep at night and would shift to third jhana then fall asleep. I would keep on meditating while asleep and sometimes wake up locked into some altered states. here is an example -
I woke up last night(12/21/13) locked into a very absorbed 3rd jhana state of dissolution. The vibrations were extreme and not pleasant at all. Fear was mixed in but I was kinda ignoring those effects and stayed with the vibrations. Concentration was very high and I just stayed with it until it lessened and then fell back asleep. I've never experienced it so strongly before in past cycles. The last week leading up has been a bunch of dark night cycles.
I also was seeing formations during a couple meditations. My mind would lock onto something (unknown) and it would dissolve. I do not know what it locked onto...maybe my concentration was not strong enough to distinguish it....dunno. I really didn't notice that it was formations at the time. Retrospect.
My massage therapist gave me a date for getting third path...Dec 26th. I seemed to be in high EQ and everything looked good so i figured what the hay...could happen. I got real sick on the 26th and so did my wife. Was really bad flu with 3 days in bed. Of course I thought about getting stream entry while sick back when but I did not have any moments that would be good candidates for fruition and no meditating going on per say...pain and misery does tend to be a major focusing point though. Keeps ya real present when your whole body aches and shooting pains as a reminder to bring your attention back. I got better but things seem a little different. I feel like some sort of shift has happened. Dunno what exactly, but when I look at my hands and arms they seem less me somehow than before. No fruition no bliss waves and no bells or whistles...My meditations seem to be stagnate. It feels like I am just sitting there. I shift to third jhana and everything seems very vibratory but it still feels like nothing is happening/progressing. No shifts to 4th. Does not feel like high EQ anymore. Does not feel skillful...
My best guess is maybe a near miss with a reset or something...If I start popping into pure land jhanas or have some fruitions I'll revise my opinion. Until then I'll keep on keeping on.

So today's sit I made a strong intention to experience a 3rd path fruition..I asked nicely. I started with my usual happiness/metta sensations focused at the stomach and moved up to loving kindness at the heart. I focused on the sensations and moved quickly to 2nd jhana with the pleasant sensations. Let go and stayed with the vibrations into 3rd. Shift happened and moved to a light 4th with the focus on the deep blackness of my eyes closed with a little swirling going on. Nice and calm, breath smooth and light. Lightly noticing sensations of sounds at the gym and thoughts in the background. Thoughts happened on their own but I did not notice the content. Blink. Loss of the moment. Perception of quick fade out and perception of fade in with the standard nothing to notice the nothing in the middle. Hmmm. No bliss wave. This does not feel like any of the first path review fruitions. A nice calmness followed but I question whether I might have nodded off to sleep for a moment. Dunno for sure. Concentration and clarity seemed a bit high for sleeping.
I started to think about where I am in the cycles. I do not feel in the usual DN to EQ land where I spend most of my time. Upon reflection I feel kinda pre A&P...hmm kinda like review? yep...same flavor....feeling of not on a path not moving back and forth between stages.
How to describe the differences between 2nd and where I am now? In second path I could shift my focus to a kinda non-dual way of seeing myself and the world. I'd look at my hands and they would be doing whatever themselves with less of anything doing the doing...just watching them and the background would seem like the same stuff....driving in this state was a bit funky and weird at first until I realized who was driving seemed to know what they were doing. Without sustained effort I would snap back to regular view. Now instead of effort to get to this shift it's just where I'm at. I just notice that is how I'm seeing the world, lost in story then notice again...all throughout the day. I feel good. Happier than usual. Kinda a mellow antidepressant feel. If this is the honeymoon phase it feels definitely different than 2nd path but I don't think I got a review stage then...I bumped straight into A&P with the energizing feel that entails.
So we shall see what happens over time. Will this fade back to old baseline or is this the new baseline? This is nice but kinda expected a little more...lol ...or less as the case may be. Oh well it matters not in the grand scheme of things, still gonna practice daily. Still got tons of cycles left I am quite sure. I am going to have to check out concentration exercises and see if there are any differences there.

Took a nap. Meditated while falling asleep. Woke up with very clear vibrations. I could see each one very easily beginning middle and end. I thought oh dang i don't want to get into A&P so soon. Ha ha, like I'm driving this bus.

1/17/2014
Woke up early in the morning from a dream where I was going thru different altered states quickly from one to the next and then stopped with looking at the empty spot where the self used to be...hard to explain but that was the gist. Kinda like take a look at the emptiness and investigate it. That morning I got sick again...same basic flu symptoms with a bit more nausea this time. fever, cold sweats, joint aches and shooting muscle pains. Legs ached and I kept clenching them to relieve them. I slept for like 23 hours or so. Saturday night I started feeling a bit better and Sunday morning quite a bit better. My baseline has definitely moved. I have not noticed any fruitions but things are noticeably different...where it was a bit subtle before, now deeper. My mind seems to think I'm better totally and feeling super sharp and focused but I am not sharp, words are not coming to me and shopping was a chore. I'm in the moment but watching my body being clumsy...not having a ninja day though my brain says I should be. I notice my yammering then notice my hands or body doing stuff. I think there is some integrating that needs to happen. Center point and outside diameter of me are no longer describable traits at this time. When meditating today I just sat there not going anywhere and felt great...like a trashbag half full of just enough helium to kinda float. no balloon like tension just kinda floppy and empty and quiet. Thoughts would occur and slip away...can't meditate worth a crap really...don't seem to care either. it's just nice to sit and appreciate the moment. I'm noticing the effects of blood sugar on my quality of consciousness more too. When the mind grasps like it did before the "hand" it grabs with seems more ghostly...like it goes thru with a whiff instead of a solid grabbing. That about sums it up...

So the shifts to my baseline from 12/26/13 and the deepening on the 1/17/14 were 3rd path. I have been cycling and just finished my third complete cycle. The first 2 started with body distortions that signaled first jhana/start of the cycle. 3rd path cessations are very different from first path; hardly and bliss wave to speak of. The latest cycle I did not notice I had started until I hit EQ with enough clarity and force to know it wasn't review but the real thing. The ending cessation was clear enough that I caught the stutter before it... then out again and a head nod as if I had fallen asleep but with lots of clarity and no sleepiness. The cessations have so far been very mild in review and hard to see with clarity. I have been spending more and more time off the cushion noticing the panoramic visual field. I mentioned to Daniel that it was hard to stay in this mode while thinking and he said I need to put thought and everything else into this state. That is the current practice. On the cushion it has been just the usual noting and bare awareness when I can. I am contemplating trying to see the controlling aspect of phenomena...trying to pin down exactly which portion/aspect of phenomena includes the agency.

/ highfive

Here's an odd (and likely hopeless) question: how different is 3rd path from pre-path? What I've been stricken with during 1st path so far is largely how ordinary it all is. Things are clearly better, but in a very matter-of-fact sort of way. Overall, I feel about as "noble" as a sack of nails.

On the universal nobility scale between 1-4 I rank 3rd path as a 3.
There is a bigger difference between 3rd and 1st/2nd as the selfing process that creates a center point, outside diameter and personal bubble are different. I look at my hands typing and they are doing their own thing. I no longer "possess/own" my body like I did before. Intellectually of course I know it is my hand and body. I notice the difference all the time...I reach out to grab a doorknob and observe a hand...driving I am aware of the arms steering kinda on their own. It's only a little weird at first but becomes normal/ordinary quickly. The best part is dwelling in a panoramic viewpoint whenever your not focused on something vs second path where I had to have sustained effort to stay panoramic. So overall kinda big obvious off the cushion changes to the self and reality but not as big and crazy A&P fireworks kinda way...very natural and matter-of-fact sort of way. If you wanna chat post up your email/skype/hangout.
~D

Interesting stuff, appreciate you sharing. I reckon I was just pondering whether or not this process unfolds in such a gradual manner that it becomes difficult to experientally contrast Done and Begun. Sounds like this isn't the case, which is certainly encouraging.

Still working off the cushion with putting everything into the panoramic view. On the cushion it is still happiness to 2nd vip jhana, metta to third vip jhana, note to 4th and then bare awareness when possible.

May 9th - Was down at the BA being social with friends and I slipped into an altered state of some kind. It was totally new. It was complete quietness....it had attributes of equanimity but way, way more quietness I've ever experienced.  The stress center of the the brain was completely disconnected and everything fell away. I did not analyze it at the time as I know from experience that is a sure way to kill it. I just grooved with it as it seemed the most normal and easy way to experience the world. It faded away in minutes and I speculate it may be either super hard walk around EQ jhana, PCE or preview of 4th path. Many weird things happen once but I'd sure like to live in this mode.

May 23rd - Went and got a hug from Amma. (Mātā Amṛtānandamayī Devī) This is the second time. The energy in "her" section of the hotel was very noticeable to me as I walked down the hall. The conference room ratcheted up the energy and when she came in it bumped up again. Hella Metta.  Just joined in and added my drop to the ocean. Whee. Very nice. Got in line and got giddy as I got closer. The closer I got to her the stronger it was. I got a very nice long hug from her and then hung out beside in the meditation area. After effects....it feels like I got my Metta pipe scrubbed out and stretched. Metta practice in a group is like twice as intense and super easy to get going now. Heart chakra nice and open with little effort to open. Thanks Amma.

May 30th -Finished up another cycle today...this is the fourth. I didn't really notice the nanas....kinda felt like DN for the last couple of days....very very tired but not the depression I'm used to...so nice that since third path that depression has lifted so much and when it does hit it seems to pass in a couple days and be so less intense that I gotta really look at it to diagnose DN territory.  So the cessation happened during the usual morning meditation at the gym. I was screwing around in the sauna and not really trying too hard....then finally got all warm and the sweat drips pulled me into a nice place to vipassana the sensations of the tickle of each drip as usual. The sauna always does this so effortlessly I love it. Lazy mans entry to noting. I got up to third vip jhana as usual and got out and sat. Kept noting the usual nonstop cacophony that is the gym and then dropped into 4th vip jhana...stress release and calm.....kept noting a little and then faded into a kinda dreamlike state where I saw images/thoughts/formations start blinking and on the ?fourth? blink, BLIP.....back...nice and calm....no bliss wave to speak of, just calm contentedness. Sat with that for a few and then opened my eyes and pushed my headband back and just grooved on the gestalt of now for a few. Got up and fixed their stereo and went home.
~D

Interesting phenomenon that has been reoccurring is when hanging out and just hanging in panoramic awareness and staring at the pavement or some other random thing I get this concentric pattern appear overlaying the view. Kinda like when you see a face in an object but with rings. Just thought I'd capture that before I forgot about it.

Bah, who needs this insight stuff.  How are your journeys into NPMR these days?  Entropy going down?  

On a somewhat unrelated note, if you attain to NS within two weeks I will give you a quarter.  It's a lucky quarter.

Fifth cycling of the nanas complete
Last Saturday (Jun 14) I had three blips in one meditation all of them weak. The next day I was in A&P. Very very energetic and alert of every moment of the 40 minute sunday night sit.  I did loving kindness mostly during that one....might as well share the energy. It caused me to sweat drips in a cool room. Moved into dark night Monday with fear but I took it the direction of exhilaration and it was actually fun. Like a roller coaster. As usual It didn't last long. Then the standard heavy vibrations but little misery/depression, just tired and napped heavily that day. Weds - I think I may be back to or close to EQ...dunno.
Started taking a mineral supplement, it seems to agree with me or it's the stage that I'm at....trees and stuff are getting more contrast...like the depth of field is greater and the movements of the leaves doing their thing waving and dancing....kinda like the slightest amount of some hallucinogens do that. I'm enjoying it.
Been playing with spaciousness and teasing out the subtle sensations of this and that. Trying to manipulate it a bit and investigate why things are where they seem to be. Breaking some rules....like making that spin...or flipping that to be moving while driving and this is staying still...trying to put both into the same space....Panoramic view is still my daily off the cushion practice...added jaw dropping wonder/awe to it and it seems to intensify.

I'm not really qualified to speak at this level of attainment, but I will say that Daniel mentions that more cycles aren't going to help you when it comes to getting from 3rd to arahatship. It's all about the core processes.

This is just capturing the data points along the way...probably not useful to count the cycles but it is a log.

Thanks Pawel. lots to think about.
~D

How's NS going anyway? I still have your quarter. Word on the street is the NS afterglow can provide remarkable clarity, if you're lookin' for 4th...

Looks like you'll be keeping the quarter...I keep on getting pulled to work on the permanent shift instead of the temporary states. I do have lots of curiosity about the concentration states, sub jhanas, NS, pure lands etc. but I really want to untie the knot. Perhaps I'll get pulled in that direction later.
~D

So I was reading Maha_Boowa_The_Path_to_Arahantship (thanks nick) and it made me motivated to do some concentration. I started the sit with sensations of the inbreath and mantra on the outbreath. Chatter was active. I moved to the stomach/2nd briefly and chatter settled down back to breath/mantra stayed on it up to third and then shifted to fourth. Spaciousness opened. Stayed there and then moved into a dreamlike state and the breath/mantra stopped somewhere and lost awareness. Awareness came back with some background dream-state happening and fade out to .... fade back in with a different kind out background dreaming happening. Back to normal awareness with a nice calmness. The fade out had a little crinkly quality. It was not perceived clearly. There was no blinky quality like normal cessations.
So I have one data point that sounds like NS. It also could be some other door into cessation that I am not used to.
Eric, you can keep the lucky quarter. Use it as a kasina object. Thanks for the impetus.
Have to try the purelands now....
~D

6/27 Morning meditation. Cessation. 6th cycling complete.
7/4 morning meditation in recliner. Went up the jhanas until 8th or asleep. Came back into full awareness in a nice calm space. I noticed the sound of breathing over on the couch...I tuned into my breathing and it was not me. Sometimes the breather would take a deep breath and sigh a little. I opened my eyes a crack but there was noone there of course. Closed my eyes and asked silently if they needed anything. I got no impressions from the breather so I sent some loving kindness to him/her. Eventually the breathing stopped.
I've been sending metta to a friend recently who passed away but got no impressions it was him. I also feel a bit of a fear test is a possibility. 
7/8 bought an almadine garnet. It was calling me to the gem store from across the street. Lots of cool stuff...kinda got blown out but found what was calling me.
"Almandine is known as a Stone of Tangible Truth. It assists in manifesting a realistic version of the physical world. [Simmons, 169] Its energy helps alleviate worry, panic and fear, and assists in maintaining a calm connection to the present. It allows one to perceive the absolute support of the Universe."
Gonna have to meditate with it and see what comes up. Sound good though.

Quartz crystals are great too! They're all over the place in shamanic literature, seems like it was a global phenomenon back in the day. 

Congrats on the (maybe) NS. I prefer candle flames but I'm all for switching up concentration objects. 

7/31 7th cycle complete....
Gonna stop counting cycles...they are around 2 to 3 weeks between cessations most of the times but sometimes not and they are getting very hard to distinguish from the shifts from Jhanas. I did slip deep into misery nana last monday and hugged the cactus with clarity for a couple hours until I moved on. That was the deepest I've been into it for a long time and though it is a shallow pit compared with what it used to be it sure does suck a whole lot still. Less suffering, noticing it more....yep.  The nice thing is it goes by quickly usually and I've been thru it so many times it just doesn't have the same permanence or self to effect that it used to....still not fun sensations to see clearly.

Went camping and found a very nice energy spot. Nature took on a very extra clear and crispness that made me realize what luminous was all about. Totally fun to hang with panoramic vision and just groove on it....wish I had time to actually sit or chase down the center of the energy spot...should have brought the drum. An interesting thing happened when I went to bed...I closed my eyes and was just following my breath as usual before I fall asleep and immediately shifted into a jhana pretty hard and bang....entered into vision state...I started floating thru nature scenes with great clarity and then moved into a cathedralesque like structure...I was moving at the same rate most of the time with stuff resolving as I moved past. Rooms and hallways and sometimes I would turn corners with a little will to do so. I saw "people/beings" sometimes but they resolved into lego people with wings sometimes. I tried to stay put and explore the people more but mostly kept floating by. Then I saw some scary people who would resolve into more detail but not pleasantly. I would open my eyes at that point and "reset" then close my eyes again. Very funky, I've not had visuals like that since 1st path and never so long a stretch. I tried to shift up a jhana during this to see If I could increase the clarity to 3d immersive but was unable to. Most of the time I just went with the flow and let it happen...I should think up some stuff to try to do next time this happens. Need to get back there and camp again.
Practice has been panoramic vision off the cushion with a big dose of letting go until I can sense the difference between where I am still holding stress vs my memory of the glimpse of the non-dual state. On the cushion I move up the jhanas to fourth and explore space and the difference between "internal" vs "external" and move slowly back and forth between the transition point. This point is hazy and indistinct in quality. I also try to catch the "choosing" going on. The agency is still invisible but the results of it might be seen in the sense of choosing, especially the priority of some sensations over others. I sprinkle it with the magic of the 3C's. Dunno if it will work to get non-dual to shift but I gotta do something when I'm meditating...I mean I got a Vipassana hammer...gotta use it, am I right?....I can't just...you know...sit on my ass and not strive at nothing
Some of these sensations are getting clearer as I go along and I wanna get off the dualistic treadmill...the glimpse just makes it how obvious the ordinary stressless way of experiencing reality unfolding is very much more preferable.

9/12 Went back to the camping spot by myself and spent a couple nights. I pretty much tried to groove on the gestalt of nature. Lots of walking meditation. I finally figured out what why the trees and everything looked sooooo 3d. Besides being all crisp and stuff the sense of parallax was bumped up a great amount. This gives it the extra 3d sense. I think the energy spot helps concentration/jhanas. I kinda just went with the concentration practices....I tried to use everything as one big panoramic kasina....

Since I got back from camping I've been exploring concentration exercises... Really trying to be honest with myself....I find that I've been pretty slack lately on concentration. The problem is it's so easy to use concentration as the whipping boy for not getting to where you want....you can always shrug and say it must be that I need more concentration. I must say I've been lazy in getting back to the level of concentration that I currently posses, been mixing metta with concentration for a long while. I've been working the breath lately trying to get back to my previous retreat level. Trying to stay on the first couple jhanas and build them up before I slide up to 3rd and 4th....hard to not slide as that has been my whole goal all along. The interesting results so far have been a ton of cessations per sit. I had 4 during a 40 minute sit and yesterday a bunch in my morning sit. The really interesting thing is that I could almost see what is happening that causes the blip. It's like watching a dream kinda. I'm going to the heart center and then I "do" something that is not describable and then blip. Then I'd do it again....sink back into the High EQ dreamlike state and repeat.

Still playing with space in it's many aspects...thinking about space too. Every sensation has a spacial relational position overlay/process layer that points to a center-point and back to the "thing". So even though I dissolved  certain center point ownership processes at third path the spacial relationships are still there. That is what I'm trying to fix, let everything be where it is without an additional priority process/stress layer being present.

Today's meditation I did concentration-breath in the sauna walking then breath again sitting....got a couple blips then moved to playing with internal vs external with each breath. breath in - expand and move to the external focus, breath out and contract to the internal focus. I did this for a while then a much harder blip happened and bam....reboot to body distortion/marshmallow-man feel...this means I'm back at 1st nana?/jhana. I stayed with the expanded feel and tried to really dig into it and see if I could get it to pop like I did that one time....nope....had to get up and do a bathroom run for my kid...oh well.

Interesting technique -- might also be fun to reverse it after growing accustomed to one in/out-breath association. I'll have to try it out!

So I woke up early..can't get back to sleep...to much energy.
Started thinking about Shinzens internal vs external reality. thinking about 3rd path hollowing out the circle that is the sense of self. Thinking about the external reality outside this circle as the same sensation of solidity as the internal objects were. Thought about the grabbing, clinging, averting to these "objects"; how we manipulate them with our minds as if they were solid things we can grab with the mind. This is all effed up stuff but we do it all the time without even thinking about it. I just grabbed "myself" as an object, let me move it to the left and right....preposterous but nonetheless. Can I grab everything outside the circle of "me"...sure...equally preposterous....is it solid? Yep. How else can I grab it. Can I apply the 3 C's to it? Sure gonna try it if this isn't just some crazy morning pre coffee crazyness going on.  Next meditation i'm gonna explore grabbing a bunch of stuff. (steering attention, changing focus, choosing, doing) What can't i grab? what is and isn't solid? INVESTIGATE the objectifing

Is any object really an object in relation to each other or a center point? Without this spacial relationship between objects (internal/external duality) can't everything just be whereever it is?
Is this manipulation/grasping really what we mean by agency? without this grasping nature can't things just arise wherever they are without a doer arising them?

How many levels are there within the Anagami phase? Lets be honest shall we? I sure would like to know.
~D

I've noticed the theme of agency comes up a lot for you.

Sorry if this is too basic for where you're at, but sometimes direct and simple is good.

If there is no agency, you're not going to find it. Any impressions that seem to be impressions of an agent, already aren't an agent. So they don't need to stop arising in order for agency to be seen through.

Oh, my goodness! I'm going to go back and read this narrative from the beginning! But before all that awakening . . . sleep. 

So I just grabbed hold....just the sensation of grabbing....held it for minutes and then slowly let go...and let go more...and more...blip. I repeated this over and over....somewhere around the 6th blip in 30 minutes I stopped.
This approach is not working. I'm trying to get the brain to do something new...not the old trick it knows. Sigh....I'm starting to think about quitting meditating....it's not what I want to do, so it's probably the option I need to try.
I think there may be some addiction to meditating at this point.....getting the Fix to take care of stress.....stress that if it builds up on it's own without a relief valve may get the new trick to show itself.....maybe....

I'm not quite ready yet for this radical acceptance approach but I'm ripening to it
~D

Wow, I've not read this for a long time.
I did not get 3rd path back then but just a few pieces parts. I'm still working on 3rd.
I'm slow but oh well.
​​​​​​​~D

I find the slow cooked meditators are the most fun to be around.   (Maybe they've got more good stories and are less prone to spiritual pride? Something like that.)