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Practice Logs

First log..

First log..
Answer
11/6/18 7:00 PM
  • I meditated 2 hours upon waking up, just lying in bed and feeling into the contractions in my body. 
  • Samatha with support, total of 49 minutes. 10+13+7+19 minutes.
  • 15 minutes of nature of mind meditation followed by 25 minutes of loving kindness meditation.

All of the meditations went flawless, time seemed to go faster than usual and I've haf no problem with motiovation. Rather the opposite. I feel driven and inspired to deepen my 

I plan to continue logging daily and I've decided to do it like this: on the top of my posts I will note down how I felt about the meditation, how it went, what style I practiced and for how long. The 'objective' stuff. 
Below that I will write the more subjective stuff. 

I've had a few deeper insights the last weeks that seem to be interconnected. Some part of me seem to know that they are quite interrelated. Here they are:
  • The last one was the fact that Nirvana points to a state of cessation, not some blissful state(an axiom inhereted from Christianity.) 
Whats interesting is that I experienced something like that on DMT a few years back. I never knew that was what Nirvana was about until a few hours ago. 
  • At the same time I have been feeling moved to practice loving kindness meditations.


  • Also, yesterday I understood that I have been stuck at a certain level when it comes to sensations and energy in the body. I've been stuck at the "healer plane" where I've been very observant the what stories have arisen as a by-product of the more subtle body. This drove me to a blind alley where I've been neurotically obsessed by the mental and emotional stories that has arisen correllary to changes in the energetic and sensational sphere of my body. 
E.g. feeling and breathing into a contraction in my chest, noticing the story that arises and subsequently being pulled to 'heal'

Funnily, last week I saw to my surprise how I have been tricking myself by trying to work with my feelings through thought. I've felt something "bad" - rejected it, then "intuitively" found the reason "behind" the problem. Cause-and-effect. In essence just spinning in a loop and I think of it as a defense mechanism to keep me away from real transcendence.  

Well, thats it. Until tomorrow!