Thanks for sharing, Rob! I read the full account on your blog, very interesting.. you just feel so in tune with everyone and everything while rolling, it's hard to see the negative aspects of it in the moment. My thoughts are more along the lines of "wow everything is great.. everyone having a good time! no one is hitting on each other in a crude predatory way (which is why I definitely feel bars and clubs are more 'evil' places, but not trance parties!)"
of course I have seen negative aspects surrounding it: the effort to get to a rave, get the drugs in, anxiety of taking them and waiting for it to start, the sadness as it starts to fade, then people being "normal" again after (like not in a constant state of loving everything but being quite negative). One guy had been taking pills for 10 years.. he took 12 over the course of 2 days and they weren't doing anything. he was just sitting and grinding his teeth, looking very sad. I said "what if you took a break?" he said "I took a break for 2 weeks. they never work for me, breaks suck." I didn't voice my opinion of "i meant like 6 months man.. if 2 weeks is a lot for you, dnno what to say". then there's people getting into other more addicting drugs.
writing it down it seems like a lot of work to go through to get those fleeting few hours of feeling wonderful. but how wonderful you feel!
Rob P:
What doesn't seem to have come up in the conversation thus far is the devastating effect that these drugs, especially ecstasy have on your mind and body. You literally drain your brain of serotonin while simultaneously burning out your receptors, leaving you numbed and depressed. If these changes aren't properly addressed they can become conditioned behavior and very difficult to change. The effects would certainly seem to mimic a dark night experience, and be very challenging to come out of. Also, having experienced something absolutely wonderful, but with no grounding in insight, it is very easy to become attached to those times. I spent years thinking that "the best was behind me..." and even just that can be totally disheartening.
I've tried to look into negative effects on the body and brain of E. Seems to be no consensus of damage it does, except it is understood that if you take 3-4 pills 3-4 nights a week you will get pretty F-ed up pretty quick. But I definitely agree you can get really easily attached to the experiences. I so far generally think it's good I've tried it.. but I also often have the thought "I'm glad I didn't start doing this 5 years ago.." (just tried it this year).
Rob P:
This was very much my experience and it was only when I started a daily yoga and meditation practice that I was able to see the conditioned patterns more clearly, and begin to heal.
Having gone down the path of drugs as well as the path of meditation, I will concede that many drug experiences can mimic aspects of deep states like the A&P and even the dark night, but personally I don't think they are the same thing. For example, my first taste of ego death was on LSD. I spent several minutes without an internal dialogue or sense of self, and was totally merged with my experience. But when I came back I was left just as when I started.
...
A couple years ago I experienced a meditation induced A&P and it was far better than even the best of my drug experiences. And even more than the just the utter bliss, I felt completely clear and connected. Unlike being on ecstasy, where it often feels like you're being swept away.
Yeah I definitely appreciate the state of being sober, of being extremely sober, thanks to meditation. I've been on the edge of deciding to drink or smoke one night and not, then meditating, then thinking "Ah Im glad i decided to stay sober.. this feels great." i got into some nice pleasant body feelings when focusing on my breath and it was very enjoyable!
I'm kind of in a struggle. I go from thinking "no more mind altering substances at all..." (no alcohol either) to "might as well do alcohol, weed, lsd, X, shrooms, can be fun!" I can't seem to get a middle ground, since if I think "well it's ok to drink once in a while..." cause then I think "well if it's ok to drink, weed is ok too. well if weed is ok, E once in a while can't be bad... hey then might as well try acid too, once in a while.." and from there it is easy to just take it often since it feels so good.
Dnno what I'll end up doing. but i will keep meditating, that's for sure.
Awesome analogy by the way, I'll keep that in mind. I did notice that being fundamentally different between drugs and meditating - no matter how awesome the drug-induced states are, they pass, leaving you same after as you were before. not sure how to reconcile that with the claims of permanently changed perception by LSD, though.