Hi All,
I'm new here and wanted to introduce myself and maybe get some encouragement.

First I just want to say this is maybe the most inspiring forum I've ever seen. I look forward to expanding my spiritual practice here.

Short story of my life: I am 27. I have been meditating 8 years, but still am really a beginner. No jhana yet.

I was dating a girl for 7 yrs but I decided it had to end so I could devote my energy to spiritual practice, which I felt was not getting anywhere. At the time (2 months ago) I was practicing the Goenka style of vipassana.

Well, recently I've begun practicing Bhante Vimalaramsi's meditation, which is based on forgiveness and metta. For the first time I'm feeling my heart. It is making me want to be back in the arms of my girlfriend. Other than minor differences and my desire to lead a more spiritual, solitary life, there was no great reason we broke up. We get along great. She is Christian and loves Christ and God, which I respect. She is very sensible and forgiving (though she is somewhat quick to anger and a bit lazy). However, you wouldn't find a more down-to-earth, low maintenance woman.

I haven't totally let go of the idea of being in a relationship. They are so much fun and are really beautiful, too. I just wonder if I can make spiritual progress while in a relationship at this stage of immaturity, spiritually speaking.

Someone kick me in the ass or something. Tell me, is it worth it to pursue meditation and the solitary life? That's really what I'm looking for. It's hard to avoid resurrecting this past relationship, as you can imagine. I know that if I jump back in it will not be any better. I will still be egotistical, critical, and avoiding sex (it wears me out). I would rather be matured spiritually, then enter into a relationship, rather than having the relationship as the source of my happiness.


Well, if you did read this far, thank you, and any comments or advice would be welcome.

George

Hi George,

Welcome to the DhO.


That would depend upon you and how mature you are. What I question is: are you hearing what you are saying above (and below, in the highlighted areas)?


What do you think? Someone else's opinion won't do here. You have to make up your own mind first. Stop and think about it. What are the pros and cons of the matter. Have you taken the time to think about this?

No one can tell you what to think about such things but yourself. What attracts you to meditation and the solitary life? Ponder on that for a while and see what you come up with.

Others here could provide you with their opinions on the matter, but that would only be their opinions, not yours. Some people enjoy the solitary life; other do not. The question is, at this stage of your life: Which are you?


Sounds like you have answered your own question.


Don't be fooled by "feeling" (sanna). Sanna can cause conflicting thought, especially in someone who is unconscious of its process in the mental sphere. If you examine and penetrate sanna more deeply, see it for what is actually is, you will discover what I'm talking about. But that is up to you. All anyone else can do is point you in a direction where you can find the answer that you are seeking. You're the one who must do the work. You're also the one who must take responsibility for the choices you make.

If you want to wake up, then WAKE UP! And PAY ATTENTION. If not, then turn over and go back to sleep, return to your dream world. The choice, like always, is your own.

All the best,
Ian

Hi George,

I personally have a lot of indecision regarding the question of

how much personal life should I give up on in order to facilitate meditative attainment.

The reason I am indecisive is that on one hand, I want to get this done ASAP, since living before "having done it" feels a bit like "living in the waiting room;" it's not as fun as I think it will be when I am finally done with attachment, aversion and ignorance.

On the other hand, I am (slowly) coming to the conclusion that after this thing is done, what is left is normal day-to-day life, one wakes up, eats, has friends, does fun stuff, etc (unless of course, one gets into some sort of religious trip...).

So I ask myself: why sacrifice such normal things, if my aim is simply be able to live these things better? What exactly do I think will be waiting for me at the end of the enlightenment ride?

It makes for good investigation.

As for being egotistical and critical, and having other ego-driven behaviors, I can tell you that my meditative practice really helped me to stop blaming the rest of the world for my own misery, and then it became much more easy not to engage in this kind of behavior. Awareness of what you are doing while you are doing it is the first step towards controlling it.

As for being worn out by sex --- I also got this, and I found out that what was actually wearing me out was the ejaculation, and learned to do without it. It takes some practice, but makes the thing less "goal-oriented" and more fun.

Maybe you could ask meditators who kept relationships and jobs during their meditative path, such as Trent and Nickolay...

Have you gotten stream-entry yet? If not, and coming from the Goenka tradition, you might also be interested in the following article:

http://kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/page/Collection+of+tips+to+get+stream+entry

Take care,
Bruno

Hi guys, thanks for your responses...very insightful. Not much else to say right now.

George