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Dharma Diagnostic Clinic, aka "What was that?"

Reality = paper thin, feeling of black abyss/terror

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This experience came back in 2012 when I was going through a lot of emotional and mental issues and before I was meditating or experimenting with any psychedelics.

I remember at one point before this experience (I don't know how long) I had been pretty depressed, and so I decided to simply follow my impulses and intuitions and see what happened (behavior wise).  

Then, I was feeling really bad, like a terror or something, almost like being on a really bad psychedelic trip.  Then I was looking out at the ocean and beach and seeing everything as being paper thin and totally empty.  It felt like everything was a black abyss.  I still saw reality clearly, but it seemed like it was just a dark, black, abyss thing.  The feeling was so bad I remember thinking I never would want even my worst enemy to feel it.  

I got back to my mom's house and even hugging her didn't help.  The only relief I managed to get was when I walking into a crowded pizza shop and was surrounded by people.

Is this a genuine encounter with a truth of reality or more of a psychologically based experience?

RE: Reality = paper thin, feeling of black abyss/terror
Answer
4/1/19 2:15 PM as a reply to Matthew McLoughlin.
Is this a genuine encounter with a truth of reality or more of a psychologically based experience?

You're still focused on this 7 years later? What caused it to pop up in your psyche today?

RE: Reality = paper thin, feeling of black abyss/terror
Answer
4/2/19 3:59 AM as a reply to Matthew McLoughlin.
Matthew McLoughlin:

Is this a genuine encounter with a truth of reality or more of a psychologically based experience?
I think this is a genuine encounter with a certain state that your mind is able to conjure. It is also a state that you do not/did not want to experience for some reason, and your mind seemed pretty good at hiding it away, so when it appeared, you were pretty surprised and assigned lots of importance to it, although I don't think there's any good reason to do that.

RE: Reality = paper thin, feeling of black abyss/terror
Answer
4/2/19 5:03 AM as a reply to Matthew McLoughlin.
I’m thinking that it could be a combination of valid observation and resistance from the mind, and the latter transformed it into a psychologically tormenting episode. I have had instances of terror-like fear of emptiness as well, but emptiness just means dependent origination and possibilities for causality chains - and possibility to see through that and liberate oneself from destructive causality chains. It’s nothing to fear. I think the word emptiness is misleading in western societies because the connotations of the word is different here.

RE: Reality = paper thin, feeling of black abyss/terror
Answer
4/2/19 7:04 PM as a reply to Matthew McLoughlin.
Matthew McLoughlin:
This experience came back in 2012 when I was going through a lot of emotional and mental issues and before I was meditating or experimenting with any psychedelics.

I remember at one point before this experience (I don't know how long) I had been pretty depressed, and so I decided to simply follow my impulses and intuitions and see what happened (behavior wise).  

Then, I was feeling really bad, like a terror or something, almost like being on a really bad psychedelic trip.  Then I was looking out at the ocean and beach and seeing everything as being paper thin and totally empty.  It felt like everything was a black abyss.  I still saw reality clearly, but it seemed like it was just a dark, black, abyss thing.  The feeling was so bad I remember thinking I never would want even my worst enemy to feel it.  

I got back to my mom's house and even hugging her didn't help.  The only relief I managed to get was when I walking into a crowded pizza shop and was surrounded by people.

Is this a genuine encounter with a truth of reality or more of a psychologically based experience?

aloha matthew,

   You were almost there bra, a gnat's whisker - and then you missed it. You took the blue pill. "Some are born to Sweet Delight; some are born to Endless Night."

   Try laugh, bra; what can you do?

terry

   
from "he" by franz kafka:


It isn’t necessary that you leave home. Sit at your desk and listen. Don’t even listen, just wait. Don’t wait, be still and alone. The whole world will offer itself to you to be unmasked, it can do no other, it will writhe before you in ecstasy.”

and (this one from kafka's "aphorisms," #109)

“And then he went back to his job, as though nothing had happened.” A sentence that strikes one as familiar from any number of old stories—though it might not have appeared in any of them.”