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Practice has disappeared
10/8/19 10:36 AM
My second post. I've hit a very confusing part of practice. It sort of feels like I'm becoming all humanised again, falling back down to join the others. For 2 and half years I've been practicing satipatthana ardently and it seems now that my body wants to let go of practice but there's a part of me that doesn't understand this. I can also sense in the distance that this is something that I may need to allow to happen for whatever reason. Maybe I have to allow something a little more spontaneous into the arena?

I’ve built up so much momentum with my practice it just seems at odds to let it go but if thats what it takes then fine. I wondered if anyone recognizes this or can say something about this region of things? This quick list will give you an idea of the territory I'm currently negotiating...

I moved through various Pure Lands a several weeks ago.

Currently moving through waves of dense suffering.

Lots of personal issues arising from the unconscious.

Many grasping and averting thoughts.

Tremendous waves of fear.

In my mind I can often see unknown mechanical devices rocking back and forth.

Occasionally I disappear.

Waves of incessant mind chatter.

Sometimes I don’t recognized myself in the mirror.

Occasional sense that there is no over here or over there.

When listening to people speaking it seems like it is me speaking, I can almost feel their lips moving and sense their body posture and gestures

Moving through space often appears stationary – there’s no going anywhere or coming from anywhere.

Things appear translucent.

Thanks in advance!

RE: Practice has disappeared
10/8/19 1:28 PM as a reply to Bardo.
Are you doing any type of samatha practice to balance insight practice? In the pali canon both are part of the same practice. Particularly if you are feeling unpleasant emotions coming up from the insight practice falling back on samatha may help smooth things out. the eyes of those who assembled the Pali discourses, samatha, jhana, and vipassana were all part of a single path.

RE: Practice has disappeared
10/8/19 1:59 PM as a reply to Jim Smith.
Hi. Yes, I've increased my sits to two per day both 70 minutes each. I've stopped moving into insight practice and mostly settle in tranquillity using some aspect of breathing as an object or the entire body as an object. It almost seems like effortless Just Sitting practice with unintentional overtones of samatha.

Satipatthana throughout the day is pulling away from me. It's as if my mind wants to leave the body and so it becomes difficult do body contemplations. 

RE: Practice has disappeared
10/15/19 1:09 PM as a reply to Bardo.
Just to end this thread...

I hit a huge wall of fear last week. I realised I needed to let go of something in my mind. I did this through speaking it out. The next day I woke to the most phenomenal laughter. I do not recall ever laughing in such a way before. It was a very sincere and meaningful laugh. I laughed in the face of tremendous fear. Before the laughter the fear was dense, grotesque and gnarled but as I was laughing it became like a child with a sheet over his head going "booo". It was very funny indeed. 

My satipatthana practice has resumed normality. Meditating is very flat and featureless.