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Equanimity?
Answer
9/23/09 5:14 AM
The following is an account of what I think is the attainment of equanimity. However, I would appreciate any comments that either can verify or deny the experience. The objects of my meditation are archetypal images that spontaneously appear during meditation, so I shall describe the sequence of archetypes first and then the attending physical, emotional, awareness sensations. What follows occurred over eight or so sessions. I know I have crossed the A&P at least twice. My dark night had very specific tones, moods and repeating cycles, particularly re-observation, which I wasn't really sure I was in, until this event!! The arising of each object produces a kyra(spelling?). Most of my sessions are litered with kryas. So...

While sitting, a raven flies down onto my head and pecks at my crown chakra, retrieving a thread with which it flies away into the infinite, the thread unravelling from my crown. A small red petalled flower appears in the crown chakra. This remains for a few days until suddenly a large sword appears and is plunged down through my crown chakra through my head all the way down my spine. Massive explosion of energy! There after, a white lotus flower in water appears in the top of the head. I call the Divine Goddess, a name I give a female entity that visits from time to time. Her presence in my body steadies and soothes the energy. A few sessions later a boy figure, engaged in a brutal struggle, gives up exhausted. This produced an immediate altered state of the body and mind. In the following session, the Divine Goddess appears again, eases the body further and then spontaneously dissolves and the man of white light appears.

Physical and mental symptoms:
Prior to this sequence of events, every time I sat I had the impulse to stop. I had aversions to actually sitting. I also felt strong desire for my situation to end. There were various 'movement' sensations in the brain. Body was very fine and continuous vibration. I felt mild grief during the day and was taking repeating 'grief breaths.' The plunging of the sword induced Kundalini to rush up and fill both sides of my head producing an altered consciousness. When the sword retracted, my crown felt open. The ensuing daily sensations were of love, fun and compassion. I also started having difficulty paying attention, keeping focus and remembering what I was doing. After the struggling boy gave up, this produced an extraordinary altered state in the body.

It was an entirely new sensation of ease, respite and relaxation, a presence without my usual psychic and physical turmoil. After the man of light appeared there was strong Kundalini in the brain stem and sides of the head converging with high pressure at the crown. Heavy dizziness all day and nausea in the morning. Huge inner relaxation. The dark night cycles recede into the background but still play out with less intensity and in quicker cycles, easily identified now. After this event, I had the feeling something big was going to happen so got up really early for monster sit. Man of light reappeared and I immediately inspected him. This inspection induced a different sense of my body which is washed now of intense psychological need, grasping, pushing, resisting. It's just still. There was a single inteference pattern, rather like the double hit of my first A&P. Now a weird little bit which I would love some commentary or analyses on: This morning the sensation of being an observer, strongly centred in the visual field, began to move or slip. There was a movement away from there, as though it was dissolving and there was the sensation of viewing from the 'mind' or some non-located space. It was a beautiful and wonderful experience and quite honestly a welcome relief!! Thank goodness- a space from which to percieve things that's not my dot! Hope this is helpful. Look forward to hearing from you...

RE: Equanimity?
Answer
9/26/09 3:07 AM as a reply to Paul Hurley.
Dear Paul,

Answers in Italics below:

Paul Hurley:
The following is an account of what I think is the attainment of equanimity. However, I would appreciate any comments that either can verify or deny the experience. The objects of my meditation are archetypal images that spontaneously appear during meditation, so I shall describe the sequence of archetypes first and then the attending physical, emotional, awareness sensations. What follows occurred over eight or so sessions. I know I have crossed the A&P at least twice. My dark night had very specific tones, moods and repeating cycles, particularly re-observation, which I wasn't really sure I was in, until this event!! The arising of each object produces a kyra(spelling?). Most of my sessions are litered with kryas. So...

While sitting, a raven flies down onto my head and pecks at my crown chakra, retrieving a thread with which it flies away into the infinite, the thread unravelling from my crown. A small red petalled flower appears in the crown chakra. This remains for a few days until suddenly a large sword appears and is plunged down through my crown chakra through my head all the way down my spine. Massive explosion of energy!

Ok, that's the A&P Event. Good reference point, as the Dark Night always follows it, and Equanimity follows that.

There after, a white lotus flower in water appears in the top of the head. I call the Divine Goddess, a name I give a female entity that visits from time to time. Her presence in my body steadies and soothes the energy. A few sessions later a boy figure, engaged in a brutal struggle, gives up exhausted. This produced an immediate altered state of the body and mind. In the following session, the Divine Goddess appears again, eases the body further and then spontaneously dissolves and the man of white light appears.

I would actually like more about exactly how each these entities appeared at each phase: flat or 3D, transparent or solid, seemingly intelligent and fully autonomous or somewhat stilted or needing some sort of intentional support, etc.


Physical and mental symptoms:
Prior to this sequence of events, every time I sat I had the impulse to stop. I had aversions to actually sitting. I also felt strong desire for my situation to end. There were various 'movement' sensations in the brain. Body was very fine and continuous vibration. I felt mild grief during the day and was taking repeating 'grief breaths.'

Very likely Three Characteristics.

The plunging of the sword induced Kundalini to rush up and fill both sides of my head producing an altered consciousness. When the sword retracted, my crown felt open. The ensuing daily sensations were of love, fun and compassion. I also started having difficulty paying attention, keeping focus and remembering what I was doing.

Dissolution.

After the struggling boy gave up, this produced an extraordinary altered state in the body.

It was an entirely new sensation of ease, respite and relaxation, a presence without my usual psychic and physical turmoil. After the man of light appeared there was strong Kundalini in the brain stem and sides of the head converging with high pressure at the crown. Heavy dizziness all day and nausea in the morning. Huge inner relaxation. The dark night cycles recede into the background but still play out with less intensity and in quicker cycles, easily identified now. After this event, I had the feeling something big was going to happen so got up really early for monster sit. Man of light reappeared and I immediately inspected him. This inspection induced a different sense of my body which is washed now of intense psychological need, grasping, pushing, resisting. It's just still. There was a single inteference pattern, rather like the double hit of my first A&P. Now a weird little bit which I would love some commentary or analyses on: This morning the sensation of being an observer, strongly centred in the visual field, began to move or slip. There was a movement away from there, as though it was dissolving and there was the sensation of viewing from the 'mind' or some non-located space. It was a beautiful and wonderful experience and quite honestly a welcome relief!! Thank goodness- a space from which to percieve things that's not my dot! Hope this is helpful. Look forward to hearing from you...


Good stuff. Keep noticing all through the thing, allow space and phenomena and awareness to synchronize, stay with any subtle tensions naturally allowing them to play out, and notice how things move all the way through again and again, around and through, etc. Expectation moves and is part of it, need moves and is part of it, getting somewhere moves and is part of it, space moves and is part of it, the sense of observer moves and is part of it, etc. for all things. Resolve to allow Stream Entry to occur and forget about that resolution if possible, if not then just see the recollections and expectations and investigations and all the rest as part of the moving, complete, full, transient, flickering thing.

RE: Equanimity?
Answer
9/26/09 9:06 AM as a reply to Daniel M. Ingram.
Daniel,

Thank you for your very helpful reply. I am very grateful. The entities that sponatneously appear are often autonomous immediately and are independent of my direction, eg, the bearded one who touched my throat chakra and ended fourteen years of bronchial spasming in huge explosion of energy. All entities are 3D and solid, except for the man of light, who is immaterial but not transparent. The female entity I have met before on a few occassions, but this is the first time psycho-physical contact has been made. None of them ever speak. After their initial appearance, I recall them as objects to work with. Things proceed then with my support, sometimes it's a co-facilitation. Even now, I recall the man of light, I direct his hand to move through my body and I can feel it moving through my body and I can sense the immaterial nature of my body because the sensation alters quite dramatically with his passage. I place his hand on my head and the same thing happens. This is all very exciting and confusing at the same time. I read through your passage on the dark night a number of times and equanimity before I made this post and tried hard to be as objective as possible. It is obvious now, upon your reply, that it is a far more subtle art actually defining the various stages than I thought. Even now, I can't be sure as to where I'm at. All I can say is that, the sword event and the prevous blinding light event and first electrification event of the body marking what I guess now are 3 A&P crossings, are markedly different to the sensation induced by the man of light presence. Background shaking of the mind has ended, discordant breaths have ended and yet every day this week around noon, I feel very strong anxiety in my stomach. I look forward to sitting in the morning because I actually welcome and enjoy the slippage, the non-location. I'm delighted to be able to track the cycles though, even though I can't really say where I'm at. It's all very exciting really. Thank you for your guidance.

paul