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AS practice log
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12/1/19 5:18 PM
My name is AS. Not so long ago I took my practice seriously enough that I sat 1-2 hours everyday and longer in the weekends. While I didn't expeprience arising and passing away I enjoyed sitting everyday and strived to get better. I visited temples, done several retreats and did the Theravadan Noting practice. But it all sort of came to a halt when I went back to pursue a masters degree. To be perfectly honest, I became too distracted with girls.

Ever since I found again my old anxious self I have been trying to re-establish practice. But it just feels so much harder. Part of it I think is I have an expectation of what my sit should be like and I am getting too easily discourage when it clearly isn't. Something I didn't have to struggle with when I first sat with nothing but curiousity and promise of calmer mind. While I was still "wanting" it, now that I have experienced it, "wanting it back" seems to make it so much harder.  

I read about Kasina practice at https://firekasina.org/ and how faster the progress can be made from it. That is simply why I want to restart my practice with candle light Kasina. Walking meditation and noting practice will follow when I feel my concentration is there again.

01 Dec 19 - 60min.
Sat for an hour. Started with 30min breath. Was constantly losing focus. After 30min I switched to candle light. I do see the dot but it moves around a fair bit and while tracking I seem to "blink" while I have my eyes closed and it flickers. I believe that is me losing focus. 

It feels easier in the begeinning especially and the dot is clearer. But as I repeat the watching the light and closing my eyes it becomes less so. Again I feel this is a function of my poor concentration. 

Thank you for reading.

RE: AS practice log
Answer
12/2/19 4:08 AM as a reply to Sam.
I did the same. I just restarted my sitting practice after a few years. I have been using the candle light Kasina for almost 2 weeks now. It has really helped me. I start off the sit with the candle flame then move into breath. Don't worry about the dot blinking and moving, your not doing anything wrong. Just keep watching it. It did the same thing for me and then settled down after a few days.

I
n regards to the light moving, just before you close your eyes, try to keep your head and eyes still, this will help some with it moving around and feeling you have to keep tracking it. It feels odd at first, but try not to track the light with your eyes closed, it will just keep moving. Instead focus your eyes on one point of the darkness and the light will stay still, it just wont be in the center of your vision. It felt like I was looking at it with one eye when doing this.

Keep working with the candle flame and it will soon (in few days) stay centered in the middle and it blink a lot less. It still blinks in and out for me but doesn't start until it gets much smaller and changes into the black dot.

I hope this is helpful, be well friend. emoticon

RE: AS practice log
Answer
12/3/19 2:49 AM as a reply to Michial N.
Michial N:
I did the same. I just restarted my sitting practice after a few years. I have been using the candle light Kasina for almost 2 weeks now. It has really helped me. I start off the sit with the candle flame then move into breath. Don't worry about the dot blinking and moving, your not doing anything wrong. Just keep watching it. It did the same thing for me and then settled down after a few days.

I
n regards to the light moving, just before you close your eyes, try to keep your head and eyes still, this will help some with it moving around and feeling you have to keep tracking it. It feels odd at first, but try not to track the light with your eyes closed, it will just keep moving. Instead focus your eyes on one point of the darkness and the light will stay still, it just wont be in the center of your vision. It felt like I was looking at it with one eye when doing this.

Keep working with the candle flame and it will soon (in few days) stay centered in the middle and it blink a lot less. It still blinks in and out for me but doesn't start until it gets much smaller and changes into the black dot.

I hope this is helpful, be well friend. emoticon

Thank you Michial for your response. It is very encouraging to know someone with a similar background shares their experience. Thank you.

I sat 5min before work yesterday and 20min just now.
Followed Michial's advice and instead of focusing on the dot I focused on the centre of my vision and the dot does indeed stay put. But I don't know if this is how I should practice if the goal is to focus on the dot eventually. Surely better to focus on it despite the movement until it stops moving erratically which I think is a function of my poor concentration.


[
"01/12/19":60, "02/12/19":5, "03/12/19":20]  (will log it in this way going forward)

RE: AS practice log
Answer
12/3/19 7:16 AM as a reply to Sam.
Sam:
Michial N:
I did the same. I just restarted my sitting practice after a few years. I have been using the candle light Kasina for almost 2 weeks now. It has really helped me. I start off the sit with the candle flame then move into breath. Don't worry about the dot blinking and moving, your not doing anything wrong. Just keep watching it. It did the same thing for me and then settled down after a few days.

I
n regards to the light moving, just before you close your eyes, try to keep your head and eyes still, this will help some with it moving around and feeling you have to keep tracking it. It feels odd at first, but try not to track the light with your eyes closed, it will just keep moving. Instead focus your eyes on one point of the darkness and the light will stay still, it just wont be in the center of your vision. It felt like I was looking at it with one eye when doing this.

Keep working with the candle flame and it will soon (in few days) stay centered in the middle and it blink a lot less. It still blinks in and out for me but doesn't start until it gets much smaller and changes into the black dot.

I hope this is helpful, be well friend. emoticon

Thank you Michial for your response. It is very encouraging to know someone with a similar background shares their experience. Thank you.

I sat 5min before work yesterday and 20min just now.
Followed Michial's advice and instead of focusing on the dot I focused on the centre of my vision and the dot does indeed stay put. But I don't know if this is how I should practice if the goal is to focus on the dot eventually. Surely better to focus on it despite the movement until it stops moving erratically which I think is a function of my poor concentration.


[
"01/12/19":60, "02/12/19":5, "03/12/19":20]  (will log it in this way going forward)

Kasina is a sharpening tool. It will improve your concentration on its own. How many times are you opening your eyes to refresh the original image? What about the purple, the visuals? The dot is a sign you're doing well, it's not the goal. What else to you see?

RE: AS practice log
Answer
12/9/19 5:13 PM as a reply to David Kyle Spencer.
Sat again after being absent for some days. But this time cross legged on bed instea of on a chair. Far less movement of the dot this time and better concentration. Experienced some sense of getting sucked in to the dot. Didn't last long but I finished a short 20min session thinking I will definitely practice more tomorrow.


["01/12/19":60, "02/12/19":5, "03/12/19":20, "09/12/19":20]