I think we all need to lighten up.    Answers below please.  Best answer gets a free path. (Tradeable for kensho or bhumi opening at the appropriate exchange rate).

To kick it off:

A. None, but the light bulb has to stop wanting to change

There are no Buddhists. There are no non-Buddhists. There is no lightbulb. There is no question, and there is no answer. Separation is an illusion. 

So that's seven, then?  The buddhists, the non-Buddhists, the lightbulb itself, the question, the no answer, the separation, and the illusion?

Ultimately, there is no counting.  But relatively speaking, sure, we can say that it's seven. 

It's impossible for a traditional buddhist to change a lightbulb, because the buddha didn't talk about lightbulbs so changing one isn't necessary. 




It's impossible for a pragmatic buddhist to change a lightbulb because they are never done arguing whether they have really done it or not.

That could almost be me, although I can’t really blame Buddhism for that. Today I was thinking about putting up a note about offering to do grocery shopping for neighbors who need to be isolated due to the corona virus. Then I overthought it. I thought that if someone needed to be isolated, they would probably not see the note, and so I thought about leaving notes in people’s mailboxes, but that triggered autistic insecurities, and somewhere around there I got stuck. Luckily, then I happened to see that a friend of mine had posted on facebook about leaving such a note, and that was the push I needed to get around to doing it. It’s not like it would kill me to have written such a note that wouldn’t get any responses. Who knows, someone might be about to leave their home because of desperation, and then they would se the note.

Is it the lightbulb unscrewing itself, or is it the Buddhist that's doing it?

0

(One answer could of course be zero, because the task doesn't specifically require that the person who changes the lightbulb is Buddhist. It doesn't take a Buddhist to do it. That would be true for most categorizations, though, so it wouldn't have the quality of an insider's joke. Neither does it have relevance for the dharma. I have just always felt that the taken-for-granted-ness of buying into the condition of the question that it has to be someone within that category is a bit weird. And I guess that kind of reflection could be vipassana-related, and thus indirecly dharma-relevant, but it's probably just me being autistic.)

 This is massively hilarious, that my suggested answer to a joke could be incorrect or not quite right. 

So - I was trying to do this without linking

Mu !

None - impermanence means the lightbulb is always changing anyway.

No, no.  That's the answer to a different joke.

What did the buddhist cow say?

"You're not so mindful afterall, eh Bahiya?"


To this joke, the monks said "Too soon!"


https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/ud/ud.1.10.irel.html

And Shargrol draws in to the lead .... but it aint over until its over.  

Thinking about that, I never realiesd Yogi Berra was a Buddhist, but actually he produced a series of low grade Koans and superb insights

- No one goes there nowadays, its too crowded
- When you come to a fork in the road, take it
- If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be
- In theory there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
- The future ain't what it used to be 
- You can observe a lot just by watching (should be the motto for the DhO!)
- I never said most of the things I said

And my personal favorite "Do you want the pizza cut into six slices or eight slices" ... "Better make it six. I don't think I could eat eight."

Everything is luminous, who needs lights, right?

Pragmatic buddhists prefer candle light now anyway. No need to change the bulb at all 

- How many pragmatic buddhists does it take to light a candle?
- A vaste majority of them.

(And apparently they practice it a lot.)

A pragmatic solution!  

None. We are contemplating and enjoying its cessation.

Love it

And why you all want to change the light bulb anyway?
Bruh, you're totally inflicting your ego on the greater self of the universe. The light going off for me is totally a sign that some things are just not meant to be..

Not Two, and Not One

10^18.

Argument: 

Assuming that it takes 10 seconds to change a light bulb for a normal non-Buddhist person to change a light bulb, and materiality arises and passes 10^17 times per second which means a new person is generated 10^17 times per second, we get the above number!

https://www.dharmaoverground.org/discussion/-/message_boards/message/3143759

I vote for this one! 

That one was pretty refined too.

A: One, but it may take him many lifetimes to do it. And even then, he may say he didn't do anything.

nice!

A: The question is irrelevant because only the buddha can say he accomplished anything. After him, any statement of completing a task is just evidence of the fetter of conceit and whatever the speaker says should be disregarded. 

Thank you, curious, for this profound koan.

A: All of them, and those yet unborn, for countless eons, until all sentient lightbulbs are changed.

You're good at this! 

Ok, an excellent effort all around and now it's time for finalists. First, everyone gave great answers. Second, Shargrol is disqualified just because. Third, if more than one person gave answer, it's not in the final four.  Fourth, only one answer per person.

Here are my finalists. Votes in replies please, but don't vote for youself because that would be an egoistic contraction encouraging the fetter of pride.

Tim: All of them, and those yet unborn, for countless eons, until all sentient lightbulbs are changed.
Mike: 10^18
Linda: Ultimately, there is no counting.
Milo:  Not two.

Also, the exchange rate for the prize is 1 path = 2.25 bhumis = Tau / Ln (0) kenshos. So if you are in the final four, give some thought as to how you would prefer to receive this.  Or alternatively, you could trade it in for a Tesla.



Malcolm

I'm voting for Milo. Can't go wrong with simplicity. Although bonus points to Tim for the compassion including even lightbulbs.

First of all, thanks for this thread! SOme much need chuckles!

Second of all, I vote for Tim for helping me understand that we haven't really changed a light bulb until all light bulbs are changed.

Milo tell us 'Not Two, and Not One'. Tim tell us 'All of them, and those yet unborn, for countless eons, until all sentient lightbulbs are changed'. Between the two, my choices flow.

A: It takes four finalists to change a light bulb )

Lol.  Nice try Siavash!  But entries have closed ... you'll have to wait for the third turning of the wheel of the lightbulb joke.

Bikkhus/Bikkhunis we have a result!  After fierce competition we have not one winner.  But two. They are .... drum roll ...

Milo: "Not two, not one."  

Congratulations Milo! You will receive your free path upon attaining access concentration and penetrating the true meaning of the following phrase: .... "Not three."

Tim: "All of them, and those yet unborn, for countless eons, until all sentient lightbulbs are changed."

Congratulations Tim! You will receive your free path immediately after all other sentient beings have received theirs! (Sorry, sometimes it sucks to be a Mahayanan).

True, but those folks once built some remarkable monuments on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. I visited them some years ago.

well, shit . . . I was ready to split the pot with Milo and take my prize in the utterly unexchangeable currency of John of the Cross degrees of love. But the interest on that before I collect, now that I think about it, could balance out the countless hellish eons ahead nicely. You are indeed a wise and wily boddhisattvic pot-stirrer, amigo. 

Yeah, the greater vehicle has come a long way since we were tearing people's hearts out on the altars and letting the blood run down the steps of the pyramid. Or was that the Christians? It all blurs together for me sometimes, I admit it.

Should have traded it in for a Tesla. You had your chance!

You gotta find out for yourself....what do you think this is, advaita vedanta? 

Milo, I don't know if you ever claimed your prize, but I just borrowed your answer.  Let me know if you want it back.  

Malcolm (the entity formerly known as curious).

Stole myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy praaaaize ...

(said in exactly the same tone as Robin William says the last line in the movie Good Will Hunting) 

Has your curiosity emptied out? Or are you saying that you are the... uhm... not-one... changing light bulbs around here?

Curiosity is still there, just in the background.  But now I see that if you want to be engaged in cure-iosity, logic and knowledge doesn't always overcome the fear. Sometimes love is the only answer that makes sense.

So very very true. 

Ooh I did not know it was even possible to change usernames. It's all yours!

D'oh!  Ha ha.  Took me a moment, but I get it.   Anyway, nah, just shuffled a new frame of reference from the deck. The last was getting diminishing marginal returns.

Malcolm