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dating: attracting hardcore meditators

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dating: attracting hardcore meditators
Answer
3/24/20 12:18 AM
Increasing my prospects in dating

How could I increase my chances of meeting hardcore meditators in dating? I guess I'm trying to look at it statistically.  

I've tried the major dating sites, but honestly, I'm not interested in attracting people who want a mainstream lifestyle (work hard, play hard, have a house, car, kids, spouse and vacation every now and then).  I'd like to meet someone who understands jhana, bhakti, a healthy lifestyle, recovery, is a little sensitive or feminine....  Incidentally, is there anyone on DhO who is like that? I'd love to have a higher probability of meeting someone like that.  Got any ideas?

RE: dating: attracting hardcore meditators
Answer
3/24/20 6:31 AM as a reply to Shannon.
This reminds me of the humorous commercials for that dating site "FarmersOnly.com". There are also dating sites like "ChristianMingle" for those religious folks out there.

A quick google search yields "meetmindful" and "spiritualsingles" which don't look entirely promising. I'd try 'meetmindful' if I was serious about giving it a go, but I'd approach it with low expectations.

Do you have access to a Sangha that is really practice oriented? That might be the way to go...

What does your practice/lifestyle currently look like? 

RE: dating: attracting hardcore meditators
Answer
3/24/20 5:35 AM as a reply to Shannon.
I would say, it's good to be clear about what you want (as you are here), but it's also good to allow for and be open to the magic of synchronicity in your search. We never know what life has in reserve for us.

I also wanted a hardcore meditator partner, years ago when I was single. Years ago when I met my wife, she was a Management student at university, hanging out with a Protestant Christian group and going to their church activities. Still, I was attracted to her. My rational mind told me I should focus on women I meet in my meditation circles. Turns out as we got to know each other, something "clicked" in her when I was talking about Buddhism. Her curiosity got her to read good books on it, and eventually attend a vipassana retreat on her own. She came out quite changed, gave up her church, and became a very good follower of the Dharma. If I would have let my rational mind say from the start "no way, she's into Protestant stuff", well, what an opportunity I would have missed!

Our thinking mind doesn't always (or often doesn't at all) know what's out there for us.

All the best.

RE: dating: attracting hardcore meditators
Answer
3/24/20 6:46 AM as a reply to Ben V..
Our thinking mind doesn't always (or often doesn't at all) know what's out there for us.

emoticon

That's a kind of shorthand summary of Buddhism, isn't it?

RE: dating: attracting hardcore meditators
Answer
3/24/20 10:18 AM as a reply to Shannon.
  • Focus more on complimentariness. If you are strong in your beliefs and practice, you can explain this to dates and live your life accordingly. That way you are authentic and don't have to worry about rejection. They can see your benefits, how you enjoy your life easily, and you allow them to live with their specialties. A lot of relationships, not just intimate ones, are about trading specialties to offset weak skills. The best way to value yourself is to continue enjoying your life in front of the person and see how they react. People with high self-esteem expect reciprocity and a lot of negotiation in relationships is to continue your single life in the relationship and find a compromise that works for both. You may find a "hardcore meditator" but you may also find someone who likes you but talks to others about your practice like "that's what they do."
  • Humans are mimetic. We have to advertise based on envy and role-modeling because that's how most people respond. Advertising! Even Buddhism has to sell with it's descrptions of Enlightenment. Rejection becomes a good thing because you need to keep your best qualities in order to feel alive in a good relationship. If they hate your best qualities, then it's better to be rejected sooner. It's difficult because people objectify each other and they have to see your low-maintenance qualities as attractive, while at the same time not exploit those qualities, which they may do!
  • The Cycle of Abuse. Be aware that no matter how good something looks like in the beginning, people can get bored and relationships will be about learning new skills constantly, and as we do that we become more interesting. We have to maintain interest in ourselves and use those benefits in a way that has reciprocity. It's a way for meditation to increase self-esteem. It's another skill to master.
  • Monastic life. If you are truly a hardcore meditator, consider a monastic lifestyle. So much of intimate relationships are about satisfying each other's libidos/cravings. It may become tiresome when their demands increase beyond what you can give. Eg. They may demand that you get a high paying profession to feed their cravings, or to pay for children. The way I see things is that in order to work and live in the lay world you have to compromise a lot of practice to work long hours and deal with interpersonal politics. High mental computation drains energy, and this is why many have to essentially drop-out to focus on their practice. You'll especially see cracks in the beginning when you say "I'm satisfied" when the other person is not. You become a drag, which can be a good thing, because you see the ill-fit early on. If enough experiences like this happen in a row, you may get the hint that you should be a monastic.
Good luck with whatever you choose!

RE: dating: attracting hardcore meditators
Answer
3/24/20 8:06 PM as a reply to Chris Marti.
emoticon

RE: dating: attracting hardcore meditators
Answer
3/25/20 8:40 AM as a reply to Shannon.
Shannon:
Increasing my prospects in dating

How could I increase my chances of meeting hardcore meditators in dating? I guess I'm trying to look at it statistically.  

I've tried the major dating sites, but honestly, I'm not interested in attracting people who want a mainstream lifestyle (work hard, play hard, have a house, car, kids, spouse and vacation every now and then).  I'd like to meet someone who understands jhana, bhakti, a healthy lifestyle, recovery, is a little sensitive or feminine....  Incidentally, is there anyone on DhO who is like that? I'd love to have a higher probability of meeting someone like that.  Got any ideas?
Are there any meditation centers, Buddhist temples, etc that have group meditations, Dharma talks, sangha dinners, community service days, Buddist holiday celebrations, etc in your area?