Next scheduled session of the retreat included a talk by Catherine McGee in the midst of grieving for her closest friend Rob Burbea. I feel so much love for her. My tears were streaming. That was deep.
Yanai explained some more about the frameworks for the retreat, which have now been changed because of their great loss. What a warm person (and with the striking resemblence of the Emergency Medical Hologram in StarTrek Voyager I feel completely safe)! So far there hasn't been much of teaching, but it feels complete as it is. I feel at home with it. I don't need more information than this to feel confident that Gaia House is where I want to go for retreats when the world allows it. I feel trusted to draw the lines for my own practice in a way that feels true, and I feel the space to do it and a firm ground offered if needed. That's all I need.
After some meditation together, there was some unscheduled time (still is). I prepared food while chanting, which allowed me to stay in connection with the spaciousness and the awareness. First I chanted the Avalokiteshvara heart dhurini mantra
https://youtu.be/p-wCPV1aBU8, which I love. Then I chanted the Sa Le Ö mantra three times
https://youtu.be/nZ4d0oOgaVo. After that I chanted the warrior seed syllables of Tibetan sound healing as taught by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLay6yCfl1qk_hKxxbzxxvwPYrS1TWiF2A, sessions 1-5, before eating lunch. I feel that the warrior seed syllable practice symbolizes my entire path and serve as a map. It's not a linear map, as there will always be new terrain to work with. It isn't a strict insight map, but integrative with the growing up part of the work:
A: crown chakra, space. Clearing away anger, opening up space, relaxing contractions, purifying.
OM: throat chakra, awareness, completeness, light in the openness.
HUNG: heart chakra, love. In the open space, light shines upon the love.
RAM: navel chakra, fire, ripening. The quality of love ripens so that it is there for us when we need it.
DZA: secret chakra, action, spontaneous manifestation of the love. To me this means the full integration of wisdom and compassion.
At this precise moment, I felt that I could work with A, OM, HUNG and RAM without triggering defenses or guilt or shame. RAM was where I felt that I need to keep working. I can feel these things energetically. Therefore I did not move forward with DZA. I don't mean to say that I have in every sense cleared away everything with regard to those syllables. This is just where I am at with the current focus at this limited point in time and space and situation.
Now I will do some reclining practice before the next session, which will be a guided meditation and Q&A.