Crazy experience that made me stop meditating.

Weronika, modified 8 Months ago.

Crazy experience that made me stop meditating.

Post: 1 Join Date: 6/4/20 Recent Posts
Hello

I have just found this forum and think it is exactly what I have been looking for. I would like to share an experience I had over 3 years ago now, which ultimately led me to cease progression into these kind of things.
I was meditating. Seeing colours and patterns, but they were very vivid today, wonderful and rich. At one moment, a light blue light crept up from the bottom, eliminating the colours I was seeing before until my whole ‘canvas’ was white. Next I saw rainbows, as I usually do, but this time I zoomed in a lot closer than I had ever before. I zoomed in until I could see very clearly: across my whole canvas were vertical strips each containing one colour of the rainbow and these were repeating. So red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet and then red, orange etc etc. Within each of these strips was the square and compass symbol, they were riding up each vertical stripe like a conveyor belt, each in its own respective colour.

I did my best not to think actively about this or have any judgement. What I saw next was the eye, I didn’t just see it, it saw me. It saw every molecule of me, of my soul. It saw me. I had the strongest feeling I have ever had, unlike no human emotion, it was so strong, on another level, I felt it penetrating me. Then, the eye blinked, it closed and then it took me to and showed me a scene from what I presume to be ancient Egypt. I was above in the sky flying with a birds eye view. I saw brilliant white pyramids, the big pyramid had a bright gold cap. It was peaceful.

That is all I remember from the mediation. That night I was haunted in my dreams by the eye of Horus. I had a false awakening in my room, everything as usual but then I had some though (i can’t remember what), or at least I tried to have this thought but then I saw the eye of Horus (or Ra), it was just there in front of me in my mind and in my vision. It stopped me thinking my thought, I had this feeling of shock and vibration which went to one side of my brain and expelled this thought. When I tried to conjure up this thought it stopped me, I was met with the same resistance and vibrations/fuzz in my mind stopping me thinking it and seeing the eye of Horus. When I tried to run away I was paralysed and mute.

I’d appreciate any insight, as this whole experience really shook and frightened me, it made me to scared to pursue my development through meditation further. I have no idea what any of it means. But during the meditation  I described, the colours I saw were more bright, brilliant and vivid than anything I have ever seen in real life with my eyes open. Also I have aphantasia (inability to voluntarily visualise and conjure up mental images). I just thought I might mention it in case it makes any difference.

Thank you 
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Zachary, modified 8 Months ago.

RE: Crazy experience that made me stop meditating.

Posts: 196 Join Date: 3/16/18 Recent Posts
Hi Weronika, welcome to DhO. 

You had what is referred to in the Theravadan Progress of Insight as an A&P (Arising and Passing Away) experience. It is a common stage that meditators can experience. The A&P can be quite mind-blowing, consisting of strong energetic, emotional and visionary experiences. In most of the modalities and traditions discussed in this forum, the content of the A&P experience isn't particularly important, but it is a milestone along one's meditative journey. The A&P will often be followed by a great deal of fear, as you mention. You can read more about the A&P at the following links: 

https://www.integrateddaniel.info/the-arising-and-passing-away/
https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/4-the-arising-and-passing-away/

Can you say anything further about your past practice or what you hope to do with your practice now? 

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