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Stream entry?
Answer
6/29/20 4:49 PM
I was in Dark Night for the last ~1.5 years and about 9 days ago I experienced an obvious shift into Equanimity (whether or not this was the actual transition into Equanimity, I am not sure).  But everything felt incredibly light and easy.  Before this shift I remember realizing I cannot control anything, it is my attempts to control phenomena that cause my suffering.  When I woke up the next morning (from usual Reobservation shit -- waking up immediately irritated, angry, frustrated, anxious, ruminating) I felt so light and bouyant, like life is fantastically vivid and beautiful and easy and utterly rich.

This continued for a few days and in my sitting practice, thoughts appeared equal to physical sensations. Vibrations were very soft and gentle.
The awareness of a sensation/thought marked its passing away. To do anything else with it felt redundant. ...Obvious equanimity shit that Daniel says in his book.

Then 5 or 6 nights ago, I was sitting for a half hour or so before bed. I got up and moved to reclining. I started seeing fractals like on acid and just noted them. After a few minutes of these fractals growing and morphing, I experienced something like nodding off. Like a light switch was turned off and on again and I disappeared as did my notion of time and space. Just a black void. Immediately upon returning I had a strong fear of death. I noted this fear and continued. A minute or so later another flicker just like the one before. I decided to go back to sitting on my cushion and noticed millions of granular sensations throughout my body and I felt extremely equanimous and rooted to the floor.

I haven't experienced any kind of nodding off type stuff or loss of concentration while in Equanimity.

The next day I had therapy (my therapist is a Buddhist psychologist and senior meditation teacher in Shambhala) and was excited to report this experience. He told me his advice generally with these experiences is to just let it die, and there's a difference between experience and realizaton. Realization is something that permanently reduces the kleshas. Experience fades.

It has been 4 days since then and I tried resolving to experience another cessation (if that's even what it was) and have been unsuccessful. Yesterday I couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes without losing concentration. Sharp sensations in body. Felt like Dissolution but I was pretty okay with the whole thing.

Have had lots of tightness in throat area where it's difficult to inhale fully and it's recurred at different times for the past year or so. Was gone during equanimity. Was back yesterday. Less today.

Had a very lucid non-lucid dream last night and all this stuff was happening out of my control and I desparately wanted to change it. Then I realized in the dream, it's no use to try controlling any of this.  And I woke up back in what seems like Equanimity.

Easy to sit today. Soft and gentle vibrations like a blanket. Jhanic vibrations like a warm shower.

I wonder if anyone with more experience (I've been meditating about 2-3 hours a day for about 2 years and have done 3 10 day retreats) has any information or contextualization for me.

Also have been noting how easily I can turn the resolution to experience a cessation into grasping at cessation and my general obsessiveness does not seem to lend itself well to maps.

I am aware that I write this post from a place of curiousity tinged with the grasping to know what's going on conceptually. 

A friend told me the intellect has appetites and these shouldn't always be ignored.

Thanks emoticon

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
6/29/20 6:33 PM as a reply to Jarrett.
If it was indeed stream entry, you should start to pick up on the three characteristics shortly.

For me, it didn't take too long.

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
6/29/20 7:25 PM as a reply to A. DIetrich Ringle.
I don't feel like I'm relating to "my" "self" the same way I was 5 or 6 days ago. Sensations and thoughts just appear and fade and I notice any tendency or intention to react to them. Like this "self" is just causes and effects dancing together. I feel much gentler towards others and myself. Spaciousness, like I'm watching from afar. 

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
6/30/20 5:09 AM as a reply to Jarrett.
Jarrett:
I don't feel like I'm relating to "my" "self" the same way I was 5 or 6 days ago. Sensations and thoughts just appear and fade and I notice any tendency or intention to react to them. Like this "self" is just causes and effects dancing together. I feel much gentler towards others and myself. Spaciousness, like I'm watching from afar. 

Hi Jarrett, sounds like you're doing well emoticon

What happens if you just sit? 

Just sit = take a deep breath, let it out slowly and sink into whatever happens. Don't try to note anything at all. Don't try to grasp anything at all. Don't try to stop anything at all. Just sit. 

~BTG

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
6/30/20 7:45 AM as a reply to Bagpuss The Gnome.
Hi ! Yes feeling really good. 

Great advice ... seems to be just what I need right now.

I sat like that for two 30 minute sits this morning. 

Attention goes back and forth / zooms in and out between granular, sandlike sensations (particles) and wide, soft, gentle slow bubbly sensations or like a light rain falling on water and the water ripples a little then rests. (These are weird images that just feel right).
I felt a nice a breeze midway up my spine. Some solidified energy / pressure in shoulders, throat, and head then disappearing. 

All feels simple and easy, and the desire to know about stream entry is fading.

Is it possible to cycle through the nanas during sleep? This happened again last night. 

Back in what feels like Equanimity today.

Thanks again for your advice

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
6/30/20 8:04 AM as a reply to Jarrett.
Jarrett:
I was in Dark Night for the last ~1.5 years and about 9 days ago I experienced an obvious shift into Equanimity (whether or not this was the actual transition into Equanimity, I am not sure).  But everything felt incredibly light and easy.  Before this shift I remember realizing I cannot control anything, it is my attempts to control phenomena that cause my suffering.  When I woke up the next morning (from usual Reobservation shit -- waking up immediately irritated, angry, frustrated, anxious, ruminating) I felt so light and bouyant, like life is fantastically vivid and beautiful and easy and utterly rich.

This continued for a few days and in my sitting practice, thoughts appeared equal to physical sensations. Vibrations were very soft and gentle.
The awareness of a sensation/thought marked its passing away. To do anything else with it felt redundant. ...Obvious equanimity shit that Daniel says in his book.

Then 5 or 6 nights ago, I was sitting for a half hour or so before bed. I got up and moved to reclining. I started seeing fractals like on acid and just noted them. After a few minutes of these fractals growing and morphing, I experienced something like nodding off. Like a light switch was turned off and on again and I disappeared as did my notion of time and space. Just a black void. Immediately upon returning I had a strong fear of death. I noted this fear and continued. A minute or so later another flicker just like the one before. I decided to go back to sitting on my cushion and noticed millions of granular sensations throughout my body and I felt extremely equanimous and rooted to the floor.

I haven't experienced any kind of nodding off type stuff or loss of concentration while in Equanimity.

The next day I had therapy (my therapist is a Buddhist psychologist and senior meditation teacher in Shambhala) and was excited to report this experience. He told me his advice generally with these experiences is to just let it die, and there's a difference between experience and realizaton. Realization is something that permanently reduces the kleshas. Experience fades.

It has been 4 days since then and I tried resolving to experience another cessation (if that's even what it was) and have been unsuccessful. Yesterday I couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes without losing concentration. Sharp sensations in body. Felt like Dissolution but I was pretty okay with the whole thing.

Have had lots of tightness in throat area where it's difficult to inhale fully and it's recurred at different times for the past year or so. Was gone during equanimity. Was back yesterday. Less today.

Had a very lucid non-lucid dream last night and all this stuff was happening out of my control and I desparately wanted to change it. Then I realized in the dream, it's no use to try controlling any of this.  And I woke up back in what seems like Equanimity.

Easy to sit today. Soft and gentle vibrations like a blanket. Jhanic vibrations like a warm shower.

I wonder if anyone with more experience (I've been meditating about 2-3 hours a day for about 2 years and have done 3 10 day retreats) has any information or contextualization for me.

Also have been noting how easily I can turn the resolution to experience a cessation into grasping at cessation and my general obsessiveness does not seem to lend itself well to maps.

I am aware that I write this post from a place of curiousity tinged with the grasping to know what's going on conceptually. 

A friend told me the intellect has appetites and these shouldn't always be ignored.

Thanks emoticon

Hi Jarrett, and welcome to the dho monkey house, an institution for the spiritually mad and insight-diseased run entirely fo free by the patients (and impatients) themselves.

This thread is in good hands already, i see, which frees me up tosay, as my 2 cents at this point: 
I was in Dark Night for the last ~1.5 years 
you call that a dark night? I call it a bad spell, lol.

again, welcome. i think you'll love this sangha.

love, tim

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
6/30/20 8:15 AM as a reply to Tim Farrington.
nice to meet you tim emoticon 

isn't a bad spell exactly what the dark night is? ;)

i wont digress into all the shit that went on during the past year and a half -- it was totally precipated by A&P event / "kundalini" "awakening" experiences / visions of and conversations with entities / streams of information / brief but powerful period of mania.

i am glad to be here! from what i've seen so far, it seems like an intense and lighthearted community....

best wishes to you!

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
6/30/20 1:32 PM as a reply to Jarrett.
Tim gives me far too much credit emoticon Hopefully some others will weigh in also. 

Jarrett if "do nothing" is moving you along, why not try sticking with that for a little while? There is a certain intelligence inherent within the process itself and sometimes it's helpful to just let it do it's thing. Very much so whilst in EQ in my personal experience, but it's certainly not limited to just that stage. 
As for diagnosis, well I don't feel I can say anything other than you appear to be doing well so just keep doing it. 
Let us know how it progresses!
~BTG

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
7/1/20 11:26 AM as a reply to Bagpuss The Gnome.
For the last month or so, I have been practicing Mahamudra weekly with two great Lamas via Zoom.

I think I will make that my main practice now as it really helps to stop conceptualizing, and I can easily turn the map theory into rampant conceptualization/obsession.

Thanks for your advice BTG!

Tilopa's "Six Nails" also are very helpful.

"Don't recall. Let go of what has happened.
Don't imagine. Let go of what may come.
Don't think. Let go of what is happening now.
Don't examine. Don't try to figure anything out.
Don't control. Don't try to make anything happen.
Rest. Relax, right now, and rest."

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
7/5/20 12:14 PM as a reply to Bagpuss The Gnome.
Have been doing short sittings of mahamudra as my main practice for the past 5 or so days. Open eyed shamatha, very spacious awareness, effortless.


Don't think I'm in EQ anymore. Not sure where I'm at, don't really care. 

I write this because there has been a huge concentration of energy and pressure in my head that doesn't really go away when I move off the cushion. It isn't really bothering me although I have heard others say it can be good to do grounding practices to circulate the energy back into the body. 

This of course goes against the idea of effortlessness and letting the body use its innate intelligence...

Curious what others think... 

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
7/5/20 12:51 PM as a reply to Jarrett.
Addendum:
Have been doing grounding stuff to come out of my sits. Like focusing on my butt on the cushion, legs on the floor, cleansing breaths.

And the pressure in the head continues

RE: Stream entry?
Answer
7/5/20 1:42 PM as a reply to Jarrett.
I write this because there has been a huge concentration of energy and pressure in my head that doesn't really go away when I move off the cushion. It isn't really bothering me although I have heard others say it can be good to do grounding practices to circulate the energy back into the body. 

This of course goes against the idea of effortlessness and letting the body use its innate intelligence...


Sounds like you have a good attitude towards the pressure. 

If you're feeling like it, you can gently incline this effortless awareness towards the flavor of impermanence-- noticing how the pressure in the head consists of subtler, more granular vibrations and contractions, little energetic movements that seem to imply that there is an "I" inside the head looking out at the world "out there". The reification of this duality happens very fast, basically all the time, and is a habit we unconsciously perpetuate all of our lives, at least until we begin practice.

Seeing through this duality basically involves turning awareness back onto the sense of the observer itself. Kenneth Folk calls this "Second Gear". It sounds like you're already on your way.