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John's Log 2

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John's Log 2
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7/8/20 10:12 AM
Howdy y’all,
Now’s as good a time as any to do my best at starting a new log. I’m thinking this will be much more sporadic. I may find that I don’t log at all after this, not really sure. Or maybe keep it more of a monthly thing. I feel I have some mixed intention, so I just don’t want to hold myself to anything. I think about my last log the same way I’ve heard other people (who, by the way, I do not find egotistical) perhaps in a similar position to me describe theirs: Over the top and egotistical. At the time I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) find another way to talk about some of that stuff. So it does feel as if I kind of painted myself into a corner, ending my last log in a place of ambiguity during a time when I was having some pretty weird stuff going on. So part of this is to at the very least just fill everyone in on where I’m at now.  And to offer a disclaimer regarding Paths.

At this point I am resolved to forget about what path I am, or that I think I am, or that I want to be. And, to be honest, I think I might be 2nd path, and I definitely want to be 2nd path. Which probably means I’m 1st path. So, yeah, it’s just too confusing for me to think about. I won’t be claiming any Path for a long time, that’s for sure. But, I do think map theory is very useful and you can’t really get around it anyway. I think the more relevant question to my practice right now is “Was that emptiness?” Which, as I understand it, is essentially the same question as “Was that a fruition?”

Whatever path I am on, I hope for it to be a Path of Listening.

I guess where I’m coming from with this is the whole issue of false claims to attainment and “Master Posers” which is a pretty big deal to me. When you look outside of Buddhism, and outside of religion, it becomes a much bigger problem. I’m not sure if there’s anyone on the planet not affected by it. For the less fortunate, it can be a matter of life and death. And it pains me to think I was/am a part of that problem. It’s funny how so often we become part of the problem that we work against.

So all that aside, my practice and my life has remained steady, between 1-5 hours a day, usually around 3 hrs/day. I’m sticking to my mixed bag, but also have been getting more into Tantric visualizations lately and sometimes combining that with Wim Hof breathing. I am leaving for a month long self-retreat today, which I’m both excited and a little nervous for. I might check in if things get intense. Looking back over the last couple of months, I do feel that I’ve been doing really well. I seem to have more of a meta-view over my cycles than before. But, they are there. And so is uncertainty. So, that’s where I’m at going into this retreat. Uncertainty, happiness, a bit of regret (But hopefully not guilt!) and a willing invitation to allow that which is beyond experience into my experience. We’ll see what happens!



Much love to y’all,
John

RE: John's Log 2
Answer
7/8/20 10:21 AM as a reply to John W.
John W:
Howdy y’all,
Now’s as good a time as any to do my best at starting a new log. I’m thinking this will be much more sporadic. I may find that I don’t log at all after this, not really sure. Or maybe keep it more of a monthly thing. I feel I have some mixed intention, so I just don’t want to hold myself to anything. I think about my last log the same way I’ve heard other people (who, by the way, I do not find egotistical) perhaps in a similar position to me describe theirs: Over the top and egotistical. At the time I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) find another way to talk about some of that stuff. So it does feel as if I kind of painted myself into a corner, ending my last log in a place of ambiguity during a time when I was having some pretty weird stuff going on. So part of this is to at the very least just fill everyone in on where I’m at now.  And to offer a disclaimer regarding Paths.

At this point I am resolved to forget about what path I am, or that I think I am, or that I want to be. And, to be honest, I think I might be 2nd path, and I definitely want to be 2nd path. Which probably means I’m 1st path. So, yeah, it’s just too confusing for me to think about. I won’t be claiming any Path for a long time, that’s for sure. But, I do think map theory is very useful and you can’t really get around it anyway. I think the more relevant question to my practice right now is “Was that emptiness?” Which, as I understand it, is essentially the same question as “Was that a fruition?”

Whatever path I am on, I hope for it to be a Path of Listening.

I guess where I’m coming from with this is the whole issue of false claims to attainment and “Master Posers” which is a pretty big deal to me. When you look outside of Buddhism, and outside of religion, it becomes a much bigger problem. I’m not sure if there’s anyone on the planet not affected by it. For the less fortunate, it can be a matter of life and death. And it pains me to think I was/am a part of that problem. It’s funny how so often we become part of the problem that we work against.

So all that aside, my practice and my life has remained steady, between 1-5 hours a day, usually around 3 hrs/day. I’m sticking to my mixed bag, but also have been getting more into Tantric visualizations lately and sometimes combining that with Wim Hof breathing. I am leaving for a month long self-retreat today, which I’m both excited and a little nervous for. I might check in if things get intense. Looking back over the last couple of months, I do feel that I’ve been doing really well. I seem to have more of a meta-view over my cycles than before. But, they are there. And so is uncertainty. So, that’s where I’m at going into this retreat. Uncertainty, happiness, a bit of regret (But hopefully not guilt!) and a willing invitation to allow that which is beyond experience into my experience. We’ll see what happens!



Much love to y’all,
John

hey John,

Thank you as always for sharing the gift of your inquiring and true blue mind on the path.
John W

At this point I am resolved to forget about what path I am, or that I think I am, or that I want to be. And, to be honest, I think I might be 2nd path, and I definitely want to be 2nd path. Which probably means I’m 1st path. So, yeah, it’s just too confusing for me to think about. I won’t be claiming any Path for a long time, that’s for sure. But, I do think map theory is very useful and you can’t really get around it anyway. I think the more relevant question to my practice right now is “Was that emptiness?” Which, as I understand it, is essentially the same question as “Was that a fruition?”


Whatever path I am on, I hope for it to be a Path of Listening.

lol, well, shit. Amen.

love, tim

RE: John's Log 2
Answer
7/8/20 10:39 AM as a reply to John W.
All the best wishes mate!