Hey
This is my first posts but I have been following this sight for a while now and am really starting to take advantage of it for being the great resource it is. I have been meditating for a year now and have a regular practice of about an hour a day. I finally signed myself up for a week long retreat at the end of September, so... SOON, and while I am quite disciplined about my practice I am really starting to get nervous about whether I will be able to sit for such long periods. At the moment, when I sit for an hour I start getting thoughts and urges to get up and go do something else (really anything else!), after about 45 minutes. Gotta admit that I havent learned to deal with these feelings and thoughts yet and sometimes I give in to them and then am really frustrated with myself afterwards. When this restlessness comes up during my practice I have recently started thinking "how the hell am I going to manage a retreat if I cant even manage this?" Its like even a few minutes more than an hour long sit are excruciating and there's this insane urge to get up and run away from the cushion.
Since I am completely at a loss of how to deal with longer sits I would really appreciate advice on what kind of mentality, motivational thoughts or tactics would help me to stay put at times like these when every part of me is screaming not to!
Also anyones first retreat experiences would be helpful

hi,
it sounds like you have a good solid practice but for the motivation ..why are you practicing? retreats are cool, challenging and push your limits as well as giving a real boost to your practice. go for it. accept the challenge you gave yourself. being scared is just a bunch of feelings..long sits too. look at those and have fun!

One of the great things about long retreats is that they will allow you to see what lies beyond such restlessness.

Be sure, restlessness WILL show up during retreat, you WILL persevere, and have the chance to see what happens afterwards.

It will be fascinating when you suddenly can sit for many many hours without fatigue or restlessness. What has changed? Surely the activity is exactly the same, then why are you suddenly no longer restless? What does that mean about happiness and well-being in general?

Make sure you know why you are doing this, learn how to do it really well, gain momentum before retreat by increasing the number of daily hours, and, when on retreat, really go for it with all you got!

Here is a good reading: A reformed slacker's guide to stream-entry.

Take care and have fun,
Bruno

Thanks for the replies.
So it sounds like its good to have a formulated goal in mind. I guess mine would be just being happy in the moment no matter where I am or what I am doing. I feel like so much of my suffering is caused by not accepting things as they are, and planning or imagining how they could be better/ more exciting.
As for the mind set, I guess I really need to just keep thinking to myself that the restlessness is just a mood until I realize that and can sit with it without it bothering me. Incidentally I tried this recently and it did help.

K going to motivate myself and really go for it. Right now regular sitting feel kind of like biking up a really steep long hill, but I guess I still have a lot of untapped energy that can get me to the top (whatever that might be) if I am determined enough.

Thanks for the help. Am more curios and less scared about the retreat now.

It might be a good idea to aim for stream entry, when you have a good grasp of what that is and how to get it. Such an intelectual understanding can be obtained by reading the book "Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha", by Daniel Ingram.

A Zen teacher once told me that preparing for a sesshin (retreat) is like training for a marathon. I've never run a marathon and don't intend to, so I can't compare, and as far as I know neither did she, but her point still holds up. Namely, you have to get ready for your retreat. In the weeks ahead ramp up your sitting time. Figure out what's the longest you've ever sat (in a day) then double it or triple it or more and do so regularly. Also, start and/or engage in a body practice of some kind. Qi-gong or yoga or just walking meditation and do it with the same attitude as the sitting.

To deal with pre-retreat anxiety you may want examine and disempwer the imagery you're creating around the event. If you imagine retreat as being muzzled and bound in a straight jacket while chained to a zabuton that's gonna freak you out. Instead imagine a safe, peaceful and supportive environment where you will engage in a practice that you are so clearly motivated to do. Also it helps to feel a sense of gratitude that you are healthy and have the means and good fortune to go on retreat. Sadly many will never enjoy this opportunity.

If the retreat has good teachers who provide interviews share your fears with them if they arise.

It's not uncommon on the second or third day, of a first retreat, for people to have a "get-me-the-hell-outta-here-what-was-I-thinking?!" moment. But it's just that - a moment. It's intense and almost overwhelming but it passes quickly. I would say if it lasts more than 10 minutes then you've fixated on that emotion and need to make a strenous effort to return to the object of meditation. So be on the lookout for it.

After that you sort of turn a corner on your retreat and your practice becomes more energized and focused.

Another thing, start getting excited about your retreat. Create a sense of anticipation. This should have at least two effects: first, it will motivate you to sit more as the retreat approaches, second, it will give you much more momentum as you start the retreat.

Lastly, on a personal note, I can't think of anyone who finished a retreat and who wasn't very happy they did so.

Let us know how it goes.

I can see how being really afraid of the retreat and forgetting my motivation and excitement when I originally signed up will mean that I am more likely to have that same afraid and doubtful mindset when I start the retreat. A Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also comforting that most people make it through! I can imagine what a relief it must be after that moment of retreat panic, or panic during any long sit for that matter, when you stop taking the feeling of restlessness and "ahhh I can't do this" so seriosly, and can just sit with yourself no matter what.
I actually think that can be a retreat goal for me.
Bring on the marathon!
Thanks for the responses. Very helpful.

Other possibility: stage dependent phenomena...

People cross the A&P, want to go on retreats, sign up, and then, shortly thereafter, there is the Dark Night, when cushion restlessness can be a major problem until people figure out how to deal with it and get to the next thing.

One way or there other, most people get used to sitting after the first few days, and regardless of where you are or what stage you are in, things will come and go, such as restlessness and irritation when on the cushion, and that is likely to continue to happen throughout your dharma career at times, though there are likely to be all sorts of other periods also.

Have fun on retreat,

Daniel

Hi Carolin,

Replying because I thought you might benefit from a complete beginner`s experience to a retreat.

A couple of years ago i signed up to a 10 day Goenka-style vipassana course, after just googling "meditation" and reading a bit about it . In the couple of weeks before it i only did a couple of 30-60 minutes sits and that was my whole meditation experience before it. On top of it i had (still have) a bunch of social phobias and a few "what did you just get yourself into" moments.

Somehow all my worries washed away once i got there. I didn`t do great in terms of progress because to be honest i didn`t know much of what i was doing and i was just discovering a new method. But i felt great, didn`t have any problems with sitting 10 or so hours a day, and the "noble silence" rule took care of my social phobias. If the opportunity would present itself, i would do it again.

I am sure you will do great. Don`t burden yourself with worries (or do but watch your self doing it), probably just the ego fearing for its life.