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Helena's practice log

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Helena's practice log
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9/1/20 4:30 AM
I have been documenting the effect my 5 years of meditation has had on me, and I want to share this with you. I have taken photos of me, after each significant change in being. Here are photos from 2016 and 2020, where you can see the overall change.

I got acquainted with the Two-Part Formula in early 2015. Through applying the technique, I got the first permanent change (awakening/stream entry/kensho) and got a glimpse of an awareness in me that was not tainted by a self or disillusioned or conditioned. The impact of this was so natural yet so strong that it led me to take up Pemako practices.

Now 5 years later, several shifts have occurred, and I have dug deep in to my minds hidden corners. I cannot say that it has always been a smooth and easy ride, but each hardship has transformed in to a deeper and more profound clarity. Clarity has progressed from short, few second long glimpses, to longer ones, and from longer ones to being consecutive. As clarity has become pretty much constant, each shift has gradually extended the clarity from small sections inside the body and mind to cover them both wholly, and now also to cover the area outside of the body.

So, what is the biggest change in addition to the clarity and peace of mind? I am my own whistle-blower nowadays. I don’t want to hide behind some self-fabricated half-truths to protect some sensitive part of me, that doesn't want to get hurt. Disturbing emotions are fuel for practice, even if they generate temporary discomfort, the long term reward when facing them is increased clarity.

And finally, I have realized that the answer to all questions and discontentment I have had lies within my own mind. Any of my searches and quests for answers throughout the years that were directed outside my own mind were misdirected. The answer to the discontentment does not lie in alcohol, partying, travelling or excessive work. It lies in facing your own self, to question your own beliefs, and daring to look in to the darkest and deepest parts of your mind. To dig deep and find out who you really truely are beneath everything. That is liberation.  That is why I meditate.

RE: Helena's practice log
Answer
10/7/20 6:00 AM as a reply to Helena.
We had a profound Guru Yoga session with Avalokitehshvara and White Tara
on the first evening of the retreat.

Small delicate fragrant flowers grew out from my body
and flowers burst out in the air. All suffering beings were bumblebees
flying around drinking healing nectar from the flowers, replenishing
their thirst. Some bumblebees even fell asleep in the flowers tired and happy.