gutenacht-Stephan's log

Stephan, modified 11 Months ago.

gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Hey everybody,
according to my first DhO post, this is my pratice log. I hope you're having a good time while reading it. I'm not an native english speaker but I certainly do my best for keeping it readable.

If there should be questions, comments, feedback  - go for it :-).

Legend:
  • jhana 1/2/3/4 = j1, j2,j3,j4
  • lost in stories = not being aware of a thought, and being sucked in a story, and recovered again after n seconds
  • resolvement = a resolvement which I speak out loudly at the beginning of every meditation session. I don't think about it during my session, I just check after the session how the session progress aligns with  my verbally spoken resolvement. Analogy: Entering a destination into the navigation system and start driving. I only think once about my destiny - that is when I enter it. During driving I only look for the next steps.
  • do-nothing-practice: The only agenda is to fall not asleep. Even being lost in stories is OK. Analogy: Flying a kite - let's see where the wind will take me. That is my "surrendering" practice.
  • noting: Mahasi-Style noting, based on the 6 sense doors. Spoken verbally or internally.
  • noticing: Only noticing of the sensations, without noting them.

(more points may follow)

Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Sunday, 18th October 2020:

1. 60min
Resolve: I resolve to enter the j4 and do an precise investigation of the impermanence of all upcoming sensations.

reached j4 in 25min, than started with insight. Were sometimes lost in stories. about 6 times, recovered after approx. 20se. Mindfulness was ok, sometimes a bit "fabricated" because I set the focus later on mind qualities and reduced being aware of hearing sensations. Nothing seemed to be permanent, a lot of tingling/vibrations (?not really clear if vibration would be the correct word), everywhere. Searched for the "I" feeling with an inquiry: Where am I? Clearly felt the tension in the area of my head - the tension which pretends to be the I/me. It seems to be impermanent, but is staying at the same position, even when it pulses. I tried to follow the pulses/zoomed out and zoomed in, but it behaves a bit like a cloud which is stuck in a mountain region. That tension doesn't moves away, it just stays there. Going to investigate it furthermore in the next session.

2. 60min
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and investigate the tension feeling precisely.

Tried to start in j4, didn't work and switched to j2-j3-j4 sequence. Worked well and fast - about 15min. The tension feeling in my head dissolved into finer parts which I investigated for impermanence. Besides that I recognized for the first time the Passing of the sensations in a more fine grained way. Arisings are clear for me, but the Passing of a sound or tension feeling was not recognizeable. But in that session it got more clear, not perfect, but just more clear on a rough lvl. Arising, staying and passing of thoughts are most easy for me to recognize. So I looked into the impermanence regarding the tension feeling in my head region and watched especially for the Passing. Was lost in stories more often (about 10 times), recovered after approx 10-15 seconds. Next time when I recognize being lost in stories to often I want to adjust my noting style from noticing to note loud.
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Monday, 19th October 2020:

1. 60min
Resolve: I resolve to do-nothing (except falling assleep) and exeperience reality.

Closed my eyes and did absolutetly nothing. A lot of thoughts came, I felt tired for the first time. After a short time piti in the hands was recognizleable. Later on my feeling of hands vanished/melted. Different stories sucked me in - after leaving it a no-self aspect was clear. It's a bit paradox: on one site thoughts arose and sucked me in, on the other site the mind seemed to be very clear. A big tension like the last days before is and was also regonizeable at approx. at the beginning of the second half of the session.
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Tuesday, 20th October 2020:

1.60min
Resolve: I resolve to switch between the j's, and do afterwards dynamic noting with focus on the Passing of sensations.

Entered the j's fast for the precondition that it was an normal "work-day" where stress may influenced me. Maybe the little weekend retreat gave me a momentum in concentration. Was lost in stories about five times - recovered after about 30secs. Noticing of the Passing was better than the last time. There was sometimes a pretty well and fast unfabricated awarenss which switched to an specific area of my hand and saw the tingling A&P. Tried to have an half-closed eye approach for being more awake (a friend told me about that, he learned it at a retreat of Dan Brown some weeks ago) but it didn't work. I ate to much at lunch time, so I felt a bit tired.

2.60min
Resolve: I resolve to start noting from j4 and to investigate the A&P of sensations.

Entered directly j3 and afterwards j4. Took approx. 15min. J4 didn't seem to be so deep like the last times. Began with really slow loud noting (about 1 note per 10 seconds) to stay awake and were noticing in the meanwhile the Passing of sensations. After some time I continued with only noticing. Got lost about 5 times in stories. Recovered after about 20 seconds. It seems that when I do fabricated noticing - that my precision of noticing sensations gets gradually better. So as I investigated the A&P, at the last five minutes approximately, it got so fast that it seems like every sensation noticed themselves. I tried to count how many tinglings of sensations there has been felt, but it's impossible for me to say. I can't evaluate at that point if A&P was recognized simultaniously or if it was just A or P of that sensations. I'd like to go for the A&P again in my next session. Sensing annica and annata worked well.
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Wednesday, 21th October 2020:


1.60min
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and investigate the A&P.

I had a quite stressful work day and didn't sleep much the night before. As soon as I sat down, I recognized how tired I am. I recognized piti, but couldn't enter the j's. After about 30min I canceled that approach and switched to do-nothing. Also fall asleep sometimes there, but there came a point where clarity was present, equanimity like. I may also recognized an A&P, but not quite sure. While doing-nothing annata seems to be often recognized. I like the practice, because it seems to help me in surrendering. As I said, I started the session pretty stressed and aggressive, but when doing-nothing there came a point where I didn't cared anymore and clarity was present.

2. 60min
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and investigate the A&P. You can do it this time.

This time, 3hours later than before, I tried an experiment. I tried for the first time to meditate in the living room while my girlfriend is watching some of her soaps. Normally I feel an aversion regarding that kind of stuff - but let's see. I resolved, started with metta (was not yet in access concentration because the TV distracted me), went on to breath & count-to-ten concentration and felt after five rounds piti. I focused on it and bzzzt, was in j1. From there on the TV distracted me about 1/5 of that before. It was exciting to experience how less distracted I got, the higher I came in the j's. From j4 I started a lot of itching, it was recognized pretty fast and faded in kind of A&P. It seems that recognizing A&P has got better since the last week. So there may be some progress regarding precision, sensitivity and speed. My awareness was sometimes fabricated sometimes unfabricated. It was a funny session: Sometimes I felt lost because my awareness not unfabricated anymore, some minutes later A&P was intense.
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Thursday, 22th October 2020:

1. 60min
Resolve: I resolve to enter the j's and investigate the A&P.

"Freestyle" metta, with wordings which are tailored for "me" work pretty well to recognize piti and for entering the j's easily. Was pretty fabricated the noticing. I noticed some seemingly solid things and looked at them/zoomed in till they got impermanent. It's interesting when I go the fabricated way / it feels like an "me/I" is searching for the sensations it can go very fast, if it just let it go, an unfabricated way, it suddenly stops and very few things are recognized. Next time I want to let it go, and tune in so that things are recognized by them selve.
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Friday, 23th October 2020:

1.60min
Resolve: I resolve to enter the j's and investigate the 3C's in unfabricated sensations.

To shortcut it: I've eaten to much beforehands, tried to enter the j's and nearly fall asleep. I did slow noting, it was not pleasureable. Investigated annata - and there was a little insight: t doesn't matter what kind of sensations arise - they are not chosen and arise from their own and vanish, so "who" cares? Even if they are not nice. That create an equanimity like feeling I had a pretty busy working week - tomorrow I go for a little 10hour retreat at home. I'm looking forward to it.

The next days I want to add a regularily "off-cushion" report.
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Mini-Retreat



1.60min.
Resolve: I resolve to deepend the j's.

Stayed long in j1,j2,j3 and wanted to see more fine grain differences between the j's. At the end I entered j4. It feels right to improve the j skills - I want to go for a stable and safe j4 so that my insight practice has a good foundation.

2.60min.
Resolve: I resolve to deepen j4.

Entered j4 directly after my resolvement. I was still on that mind strata because of the previous session. I experimented a bit with breath counting while being in j4 at the beginning. It is a bit different than just in access concentration, it feels more automatically in j4. 60min equanimity is quite peacefull and recovering. Nevertheless I got caught in stories often: about 30times (estimated), recovered in average after 10seconds. But there were no worries or aggression because I got sucked in. It was OK. Summarized: It was a good intesify session for focusing on clarity. Try to maintain it at the moment during writing that report.

3.60min.
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and investigate impermanence.

Didn't note as precisely as it would be good. No long report here.

4.60min.
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and investigate impermanence precisely with slow noting.

Had the beginning that I felt back regarding seeing impermanence in the sensations. "Is this really impermanent?" "Honestly, so much sensations - I'm way to slow to recognize the A&P of all of that sensations precisely". Maybe fabricated awareness is sometimes needed to go for a more recognizeable A&P

5.60min.
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and let unfabricated awareness take over.

Tired


6. 60min.
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and let unfabricated awareness take over.

Worked better this time, looked for annata when sensations arose.

7.60min.
Resolve: I resolve to enter j4 and use fabricated awareness to penetrate objects which may lead to A&P

8. 60min.
Resolve: I resolve to do-nothing except falling asleep.

Did it. Decided to go for do-nothing at the end of that mini-retreat. Good decision, even if it didn't seemed so during the last session. Funny thing: Lost in thoughts is not that great, but as soon as you recover - there is a recognition: No-Self.



Summarization:
When I reflect the day, I'd say that I'm satisfied regarding "Resolution: deepening of the jhanas and investigation of impermanence". The first hours I just stayed in the jhanas and deepened it. It was a good decision because later on I could enter directly j4 when I sat down. I tried to maintain it during coffee breaks. The insight practice wasn't that well today. It's interessting because it seemed that I made some backsteps. I wanted to investigate the Arising and Passing of sensations with unfabricated awareness (let everything arise without effort) but it wasn't that smooth as the last days. 

Later on I experimented in one session and it seems that if I go for fabricated awareness (fast noting/noticing - "beep, beep") and penetrate seemingly permanent sensations everything I penetrate starts to pulse or move after a little time. So after some time there will be what I call an A&P event.

At that point I've a question/feedback would be really welcome:
  • I'd be really interested if you had similar experience: Penetrating objects, let them vibrate/pulse and than recognize that very many sensations can be recognized
  • I for myself decided nevertheless to go for an "unfabricated awareness" way the next days, because that's what is recommended when I remember correctly when someone is in an Equanimity phase. What do you think?



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Pepe, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 426 Join Date: 9/26/18 Recent Posts
Stephan:
At that point I've a question/feedback would be really welcome:
  • I'd be really interested if you had similar experience: Penetrating objects, let them vibrate/pulse and than recognize that very many sensations can be recognized
  • I for myself decided nevertheless to go for an "unfabricated awareness" way the next days, because that's what is recommended when I remember correctly when someone is in an Equanimity phase. What do you think?

Hi Stephan. To be honest, it makes no sense to me that your are both tackling A&P and EQ. If you were at EQ, you wouldn't being posting questions about A&P. As your practice is 'wet' and mine is 'dry', I cannot comment much. For a wet practice, I think that MCTB2 chapter on The Vipassana Jhanas would be specially fruitful for you, once your have already read The Progress of Insight section. Regarding EQ specifically, you have the most comprehensive texts on the subject in Shargrol's Post Compilation.

Best wishes!
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Pepe:
Stephan:
At that point I've a question/feedback would be really welcome:
  • I'd be really interested if you had similar experience: Penetrating objects, let them vibrate/pulse and than recognize that very many sensations can be recognized
  • I for myself decided nevertheless to go for an "unfabricated awareness" way the next days, because that's what is recommended when I remember correctly when someone is in an Equanimity phase. What do you think?

Hi Stephan. To be honest, it makes no sense to me that your are both tackling A&P and EQ. If you were at EQ, you wouldn't being posting questions about A&P. As your practice is 'wet' and mine is 'dry', I cannot comment much. For a wet practice, I think that MCTB2 chapter on The Vipassana Jhanas would be specially fruitful for you, once your have already read The Progress of Insight section. Regarding EQ specifically, you have the most comprehensive texts on the subject in Shargrol's Post Compilation.

Best wishes!
Thanks for your honest words and the resources.  I'll do a two day retreat in the upcoming days. Lets see what will happen and what I'll report =)
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Sunday, 25th October 2020:

1.60min.
Resolution: -.

Was tired because I was hiking all the day. Did slow, loud mahasi-style noting. Helps very good against tiredness. I didn't try to enter a jhana because I'd the feeling that I would fall asleep. Noting kept me awake. Awareness was unfabricated.
Stephan, modified 10 Months ago.

RE: gutenacht-Stephan's log

Posts: 19 Join Date: 7/23/20 Recent Posts
Monday, 26th October 2020:

1.60min.
Resolution: j4 + choiceless awarenss.

Entered j4 directly after resolution, metta and access concentration breathing. Did slow loud noting in j4 and was present and mostly aware of annata. felt much itching.

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